This story owes much to Terry Pratchett. It is also a vehicle to try and sort out some format problems. If you spot any and you know how to fix please contact me.
Magic leaks through a rift in the barrier between the human world and Hell. Demons, vampires, harpies, and other monsters come through that rift. Closing the rift to seal out the monsters would also shut off the source of magic, but nobody wants to do that because of the wondrous changes made possible by magic. This is how the problem is solved after 2,000 years of trying.
An old English saying dating from the 1720s, "it never rains, it pours", means if you suffer one misfortune you're often beset by a series of disasters. This saying was adapted in a 1914 US advertise for a company selling salt so well packaged that the salt would never get wet and clog, hence the slogan "When it rains, it pours". Everybody gets those times when everything goes wrong, only I've notched it up to "When it Snows". Lots of profanity and healthy sex between wrinklies.
I had a couple of teachers I wanted to thank. First was my Earth Science teacher. He was a sweet old lonely man. I walked into his classroom after the last student left for the summer. I pushed the door closed and pulled the shade down. "Vat are you doing Mz. Cox," he asked. "Something to thank you for the time you took with me and your other students Mr. I." I dropped to my knees in front of him, and by the time he inhaled enough air to speak, his cock was in my gullet.
Marion and Phil have to deal with a hacker attacking the supermarket websites. When they find the villain, she changes their sex lives for ever. Not a story to be taken too seriously!