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I read the first chapter of Pheromone by Hal, and while it doesn’t bring anything new to the table or reinvent the wheel, it, however, certainly tickled my fancy. As a fan of these tropes, I liked it enough to give it a once-over.
But it’s bogged down by fixable flaws.
First off—holy walls-of-text, Batman!
You’ll know it when you see it, trust me…
Run-on sentences and punctuation hiccups bury the dialogue, which made it hard to read in certain places, and the tone wobbles between science-class and locker-room banter. I must admit, that it was a bit of a slog to read. My eyes begged for mercy. But hey, the bones are solid—a focused edit could turn this from ‘ouch’ to ‘hell yeah’!
I would definitely recommend getting an editor to go over this story; if you can’t find one to your liking, use an AI!
DeepSeek or DeepSeek on Poe will help you edit these stories, find plot holes, fill them with cement, and point out criticism that won’t feel like a punch in the balls by a donkey every time you get a shitty email.
Definitely a lot of potential with this one!
Holy crap, this is a lot to unpack. If true, the idea of two shooters changes everything. If also true, it suggests there’s a lot more going on here than we’ve been led to believe. The boys on the grassy knoll, the man in the black trench coat with the umbrella, the Mafia, the CIA—it’s a tangled web of theories and possibilities. I can’t help but wonder, with all the intrigue surrounding JFK’s assassination, would anyone else attempt to write a time travel story like Stephen King did in 11/22/63? Knowing what we know now—about the conspiracies, the cover-ups, and the countless unanswered questions—would a modern retelling dive even deeper into the chaos? It’s fascinating to think about how our understanding of history shapes the stories we tell, especially when the truth feels just out of reach.
The Truth is out there.
What's next, the REAL X-Files. Majestic 12. Men In Black? I want to know about Project Aurora!
Did you see how much money she made?
She's 23 years old !?!?!
God, what does her parents think?
Do you think daddy wanks to her pictures, watching his little princess get plowed by a hundred guys?
I want a part of that, anyone know where she sets up?
Her next trick 1000 guys oO
~ dude oO
Good story, great premise.
Basically an Isekai but desperately needs help.
With polishing could be a really good story.
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