Warning! The available story codes do not match this story very well. It was written for the Christmas contest, but it included some content that disqualified it. Rather than change the story, I am withdrawing from the contest. Please bear in mind that this story may offend everyone that reads it, but there is no malice in my comments and you may feel free to take pot shots at me in order to even things out. My goal is to make you laugh--not to piss you off. Enjoy.