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If you've never watched this bloody brilliant show featuring Sheridan Smith - here is an example;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXyliE2IDQI
It would never fly in America. It was smart, and sassy and British people often have very sexual jokes/innuendo in their humor that Americans aren't ready to process and may not even find funny.
We watch shit like Friends and Roseanne.
They watch shit where people judge each other's cocks and cunnies and decide to vote them solely based on who has the biggest, or a show where two kids go up the ice cream lady and say "Show us your fanny, then?" and after she does - their minds are blown.
I'm an Anglophile and I've loved that saucy sense of humor going back to the days of Benny Hill - little titty tarts on his show in nurse costumes with lots of mascara getting groped by a little old man while Benny slaps the back of his head - that's entertainment.
I've written only a few stories set in Brittain, and my most recent one is largely influenced by the sensibilities of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.
I wanted to write a Sheridan Smith style character - the kind of cheeky mum you might meet in a pub that would "show her tits for a laugh" but make some self-deprecating joke about being a fat cow -when she's actually quite cute - probably has a gap in her teeth, bleached blonde hair, blue eyes - hairy quim, and all that.
https://storiesonline.net/n/30865/a-little-humiliation-never-hurt
It's called A Little Humiliation Never Hurt Anyone, Love
It's what I would consider a classic CMNF (Clothed Male/Nude female) or Embaressed Nude Female (ENF) story. The mum gets off on being snapped but even she can be embarrassed - it's just the bar is higher for her than it is her daughters- and on some level, she likes being red-faced and red arsed.
A cheeky British mum had decided that she and her daughters are going to allow her son to take "nudie snaps" (pictures) today. She insists they get their kits off and grin and bear at - at first for an hour but she enjoys the attention and the pictures so much that it stretches for much longer.
I would ask a kindly Brit to give it a read and let me know if I've made any mistakes. I have a few edits in the hopper to chapter 4 and 5 (including the pictures) that should be posted up in a few hours - hopefully by the time you read this they will be made.
The backstory of the main character is that she is from the North but lives in Surrey, so that gives me a little license to mix and match accents and cultural distinctions somewhat.
I wrote another story "My Sons Dared Me" - and it was a bit rough for me - even a pack of hot dogs comes in a different number than here in America. The concept of supper, dinner and lunch are very different regionally and possibly even depending on whether it's Sunday or not (for some reason).
Even what the British consider "relish" is completely different. It's basically Ketchup from what I gathered, and here in America, we'd usually think you mean pickle relish/sweet relish.
I had someone point out that they wouldn't say Lagersham Road, they'd say Lagersham.
I live some place where we do things like name a street Central Avenue and it may turn into Cherry Road, which then turns back into Central Avenue, unless you are going the other way, and then it's Cherry Avenue.
They said I wrote about British people "The way Hollywood writers create dialogue for Hugh Grant to say in movies," which wasn't all that bad. This time around, I used Chatgpt to help me research actual dialogue whenever possible.
It's a fun little story, and I am not obsessed with authenticity. It's okay if I take some poetic license. It's not like I am writing Robin Hood or something and casting Kevin Costner to talk in his American accent. However, if you can give the story a once over and let me know if you like it - I'd appreciate it.
It's not as dirty/filthy as many of my stories. It's more playful, and there is no real pain/bondage like most of them - at least not yet. I wanted to create a dirty little romp.
If you aren't interested in my story, I still recommend Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps. It makes me envious that I don't live there.
https://storiesonline.net/n/41830/twats-the-night-before-christmas
Right before Christmas, I started what I intended to be a "short story". I wanted something light for the Holiday Season.
I started with a simple premise:
What if your parents held a sex party every year on Christmas Eve and you were not invited/had no idea?
I decided that the protagonist Nick had just turned 18 and he was desperate to find out what the hub-bub was about. He had been told all of his life that he had to spend the night elsewhere and now his older sister was invited and he wasn't. He sneaks into the party and finds out much more than he bargained for.
I thought I could tell that in two or three chapters.
Reasons I could not do that:
*** I can never seem to tell a short story, I should have known that I'd have to do at least eight chapters.
*** I have always had a crush on Morgan Fairchild, and for this story I imagined that the protagonists mom looked just like her - and since one Morgan Fairchild is good, two would be better. I made her a twin and invited his Aunt to the party.
*** Initially, I wrote my own alter ego into the party as a background character. This Eddie is very much like me in real life, except he's married to a woman with a high sex drive that looks like Morgan Fairchild - lucky bastard!
It was hard to walk away from that character without adding more and more.
Initially, I wanted some spanking and kissing games, some naughty Christmas carols, and a whole lot of fucking and booze.
However, it took a lot more to do that justice than I could write in a few chapters and tell the story that I wanted to tell.
WHAT HAPPENED:
I had every intention to finish before the New Year. I even had an idea for a "NUDE YEARS EVE" sequel where Mrs. Sanderson and her daughter are invited back, and now Nick is their date.
Trolls told me my stories sucked, I had some personal setbacks in real life that kicked my ass, lost 23 pounds in about a month due to health issues, and my interest in fun stories about Christmas fizzled out.
I put the story on the shelf until I could do it justice. I didn't want to force an ending because I know those can be sucky.
Writing stories is a lot like flying planes. The hardest parts are getting it off the ground and then landing the plane. Once you have it up in the air - it's easy to maintain but putting a satisfying ending and finding the right place to stop is really difficult.
I've slapped endings on stories before and I didn't want to do that. I had the final chapters on my hard drive for a long time - but they weren't the story I wanted to tell and I wasn't sure where I wanted to end. I could literally tell this families story for a long time now that the secret is out and his parents do not have to hide it..
I made SEVEN pictures for this final chapter. I usually only make about three per chapter at most, and that's rare. There were just so many memorable scenes in this final chapter that I had to include them. It was hard to decide to cut a few - I may even post a gallery chapter in the future with some of the pictures that never made the cut. I have DOZENS - from girls being dunked in vats of Egg nog, to pissing their names in the snow while freezing their cute fat asses off!
The final chapter should be posted up soon. I wanted to apologize to those of you who have waited for the ending of this story in advance for making you wait. I didn't mean to pull a George R. R. Martin on you.
I wrote a few other stories to get my groove back, and even a prequel to this one that explains how Harley became aware that she's a kinky little slut like her mother and Aunt and likes rough sex/bondage.
https://storiesonline.net/n/45708/uncle-eddie-is-full-of-shit
It's called "Uncle Eddie is Full of Shit" with my alter-ego as star of the show, lol.
It could have been an April Fool's story but because it used existing characters from another story - it couldn't be in the contest. I doubt I would have won. I seldom even get nominated for things, much less win. The idea was she was bored in South Georgia on a hunting trip with her Aunt and Uncle - and she ends up getting hunted after an April Fool's joke goes wrong.
My plans:
There are a few other stories that have sat for a while and need some TLC.
https://storiesonline.net/n/43683/girl-scout-cookies-by-eddie
This is a story I began in the "Girls don't need modesty" world - I have several chapters written and unedited. I just need to work on this. It's a fun little story about an alternate world where equal rights never got passed, and women's suffrage failed, so women are treated pretty much like they were from the 1960s and earlier in the modern age.
Here Girls are taught to be obedient in the girl's scouts and they just accept this is the way things are.
https://storiesonline.net/n/30865/a-little-humiliation-never-hurt
This is probably going to be the one I work on the most in the immediate future. this will likely be 8 or 9 chapters in length.
The general idea here is that I wanted to write a sassy, busty, British Mum with a face like Sheridan Smith from two pints and a packet of crisps. I wanted that sort of cheeky British humor from the show to be in the story. They often make jokes that would never be permitted in the United States like "wanking on the curtains" and the guy says "Yeah, what do you expect me to do? wipe it in your hair when I am done?"
I love it when they say things like "What a cheeky little monkey?"
I did a ton of research for this one, and while I am not from Brittain - I think I did a fairly decent job. The story is set in Surrey, but I point out that the mum comes from the North, so that's why her accent will have a mixture of styles.
Her son convinces her to take some "nudie snaps" - which has always been a fantasy of hers since she was young. She insists her daughters do it with her "for just one hour, what else ya got to do around here? certainly not clean."
And that turns to a few hours, and then most of the day, and then the following day, etc.
https://storiesonline.net/n/45334/mom-s-rectal-thermometer
This one has at least one more chapter to share. Hooked6 (A famous old school CMNF author) convinced me to continue it. It's set in the 1970s when many mom's really would stick a thermometer up your ass and act like it was no big deal. The story has transformed into more than that though - so I should probably rename it.
https://storiesonline.net/n/36875/the-new-foal-a-pony-girl-story
This is the one I really want to work on but I need to be in the right mindset. A married couple have a long standing BDSM 24/7 relationship that centers around pony girl training. if you dont' know what it is - it's a fun thing to check out.
When I saw it for the first time, I thought it was just silly roleplaying in leather and didn't get it. However, once you actually engage in it - you see it for what it is. Sex is more of a byproduct or side effect. It has to do more with obedience, patience, submission and hard work than many other fetishes out there. There is an entire lifestyle/people who visit camps and engage in pony girl competitions.
This family does that and now the daughter is 18 and wants to be trained. The dad is reluctant but realizes she's hot and motivated and could easily find some guy who would probably not know what he is doing if she really wanted to try it out. The story is going to be MANY chapters, and I was stuck on "Battle Pony training" which was a specific competitive form of training when I stopped writing and put it aside last year (for same reasons).
Lastly, Visiting Aunt Scarlet - the literal red-headed stepchild of my many stories on this site.
https://storiesonline.net/s/23522/visiting-aunt-scarlet
The history here is that Mike McGifford wrote the first couple of chapters and then threw it away. I edited it and decided to continue it (with his permission) and have 18 chapters. I was just starting to learn AI art with this one - and so it's well illustrated. Aunt Scarlet just so happens (by coincidence, don't ya know) to look just like Scarlett Johansson.
The reason so many of my stories have characters that look like famous people is that you can more readily make consistent characters if you use recognizable faces for the LORA. There wasn't as many tools when I first began as well. Think of it like I chose an actress, the same you would be able to separate her from one of the many characters she plays in different movies. Her daughter and sister aren't based on famous people and I struggled to keep them consistent.
This story is actually almost entirely written, and there are about 35 chapters without an ending. I literally just need to edit and illustrate and then write the ending (land the plane). My only excuse here is lack of time and focus on this one.
This story is also third person - which is weird for me. I like to write first person past tense like the story teller is telling you what happened. That puts me in their head and lets me see through their eyes. It's a little more difficult for me to write third person.
I also feel like the direction of the story was such that it could be endless. The basic premise is that the shy, nerdy guy and his mom have no where else to go except Aunt Scarlet's house. His mom just had a divorce, no job, and even her car is broke down.
Aunt Scarlet is not only a natural submissive to her hubby, but a prostitute and works out of her home (like MANY women do in real life). Easy money, and at first, the main character's mom wants nothing to do with it. She is bookish and terse - but when a guy with a foot fetish and a wad of cash makes her an offer for something as simple as giving her a foot massage - she bites from the forbidden apple and before long she's working with her sister.
The subplot is that the attractive cousin is a bully, and she is humiliating the main character when the others aren't around - so you just know her comeuppance is due, and that part of the story would add a whole new fourth act/leg to the story.
In addition, I have dozens of other half-finished stories in various states on my hard drive that I'd love to write. However, I need to put endings on these and so that's a priority. I may post some others over the next few months but the ones above are my priority.
I don't know if you follow HBO's The last of Us or play the video game.
in my opinion, it's strong storytelling and great characters. it's an end of the world story, but it's more than that because it's about love and redemption and vengeance and universal themes.
I think it's often compared to walking Dead and that's a fair comparison.. they both elevate the genre but in my opinion, this one does things better on a lot of levels.
it focuses on only a few people.
two in particular are Joel and Ellie
it's not a spoiler if you watch or play the video games, but quick warning. I'm about to spoil it for you if you don't know...Joel dies
it's a pivotal and traumatic moment in the story. I identify in a lot of ways with Joel. in many ways, without him I have lost some interest in the story
however, I can't deny that it's a good story. it's a well-written story. it's a well-told story. it's a well-presented story in the context of how it is visualized in the game and in the TV series.
and yet it got 51% on rotten tomatoes.
Think about that. 51%? That's a 5.1 here at Sol. is it a 5.1?
is it just average?
is it mediocre? absolutely not.
what has happened is some "bros" do the same thing they do here..
They don't like some of the lesbian and gayelements and the more progressive ways in the story, and so they lash out at it with review bombs.
it's The last resort of a small and powerless little man who has no actual effect on the real world. they are trying to review bomb a show that is largely beloved and has already proven that it is a good story.
What do you think they get out of it? do they "win"? are they convincing anybody to actually not watch the show?
I have a ton of stories that I haven't published for one reason or another. Today, I posted up the first chapter of
"A little humiliation never hurt anyone, Love"
https://storiesonline.net/n/30865/a-little-humiliation-never-hurt
I really like the organic nature of the title. I wanted to write wanted a saucy British Slapper and her two daughters with cheeky British dialogue. The Mum wakes up today and informs the girls that the three of them will be doing "nudie snaps" and their brother Jack will take the pictures.
It took me a little longer than I thought to upscale and caption the photos/dust off the story and do a final check. However, I also had plans to write up the final chapters to "Twats the Night Before Christmas" and continue some of my existing stories to conclusions.
Sadly, I went cold on a few on those stories for a variety of reasons and it's hard to pick up after putting them aside for a bit.
Now that I have the news on what I am working on out of the way, I wanted to mention the reason for the title of the Blog.
Dreamwidth or Pillowfort?
A few weeks ago we had a scare on the site that our stories would be taken down. I hadn't kept track of the 68 stories I have posted. I have a few that rival War and Peace in word count with over half a million words and many are illustrated.
I keep them in folders, but they are not particularly organized. Once I finish writing the story, I move it from a WIP folder to a completed folder, where it resides as an archive.
I realized that if this site goes down, or if some of my story reach a certain maturity - they will be pruned and most of my stories will vanish. I have cross posted on a few sites but not very often.
I began to investigate Wordpress and other website hosting but it was overkill. It costs a lot and what I really wanted was a simple forum to post my stories, add pictures and then maybe interact with readers.
I made a pretty slick site, and I was really proud of it - but I also realized that it will cost me money to maintain forever. I am getting old and none of us have forever on this earth. I wanted a place I could dump my stories so they wouldn't be lost.
A reader did me a favor of posting a link to the Tailweaver stories that left the site during the scare. I hadn't read all of them and I wasn't sure what I missed. It occurred to me that I should have some archive.
I narrowed it down to two sites. There was a third (Jcink) that lets you have a slick forum but you have to pay $10 a month for that. I don't mind the money so much, but if I am ever without a job - I won't have that money and all my work will get flushed down the shitter.
The two sites I saw were Dreamwidth and Pillowfort. I am still evaluating them.
Dreamwidth- This ugly UI reminds me of Myspace. I am not sure why it's so old school and why it can't look modern but eegads, is it archaic.
However, it does exactly what I think I want it to do. I can post "blogs" and host a forum. On the forum, I can make a place for my stories, and for other people to post their stories. I think I can host photos. It may cost some money though for that.
Pillowfort I want to say "Pillowfart" and keep imagining a chubby blonde woman giggling while she farts into my pillow when I hear that name - that is kind of a bad thing and a good thing all in one.
The pros are the UI is far more modern and it looks like it does the same thing that Dreamwidth does.
The BAD - Immediately upon trying to sign up, it asked me if I wanted to pay five dollars. It didn't require me to do it but that was enough (IMHO) to put a lot of people off from signing up. You can't see anything until you sign up. I understand why they do it and I respect that they don't require it - but shit.
The alternative is wait to be invited to the Beta - which it says only takes an hour.
However, anyone coming there to read my stories would likely be put off by that choice. That is enough for me to immediately consider the Dreamwidth alternative.
https://eddiedavidson.dreamwidth.org/read
I haven't done much yet with this - but I am considering using it. I am open to thoughts.
I wrote a fun little short story with illustration called "Cousins Don't modesty" set in a fictional world where girls are widely considered not to need modesty - it's sort of like the NIS (Naked in School) worlds. It's basically like it was in the 1970s - parents had no problem pulling down your britches in public and spanking your ass, and often felt that if you sassed a neighbor or another parent while you were at their house - they could as well. It's just it applies only to girls in this world.
The fun with this one was that Dalton comes from a family that raised him in the more modern style that we are familiar with - and is meeting his British cousins/babysitting for the first time. I used an Archie comics style for the illustration - but I spent a lot of time customizing them. This is no single button "Zing" press of the AI and out comes the perfect picture. I have hundreds of pictures I generated, and then I lovingly put together the illustration after upscaling and modifying it myself.
As most of you know, voting here is largely toxic/pointless representation of less than 1% of the readers and consist probably of lots of outliers of 1s and 10s.
Often, I've seen the trolls who refuse to read story codes leave comments like "This story included (XYZ) and I don't like (XYZ) so I voted 1/1" even though the codes clearly said it included that. One of the reasons I largely turned off comments is that it's a spotlight for dummies like that to post their dribble.
Yesterday my fun little story was at 7.22 and today, after posting one chapter - grammatically checked, nice illustration custom made, it's 6.7 - meaning a bunch of one-bombers came in and hit the story.
If you were one of those, I'd love for you to write to me and tell me why you do that. I won't argue with you or convince you to stop because it's impossible to encourage you to give honest reviews/fair scores, but I'd love for you to have the courage to tell me why you'd do that to an author who is trying to entertain you and is honest about the codes.
Even if the answer is "I am a troll, and I hate Eddie," or "Your story featured misogyny, and I don't like misogyny," or whatever - have the fucking courage to tell me why you do it. I feel like every vote on this site should have to come with an explanation.
It's definitely a useless metric that does more to discourage new authors than it ever would help anyone find a good story that they enjoy - but it still fascinates me that people do what they do with it.
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