Although the title of the story seems to indicate that the story is about a single day, this story is actually about the epiphany that a young man had on that day, and how it shaped and affected his life thereafter.
For plot, I give the story an A+ (9). The author does a good job of expanding the theme, and the story reads like a bit of "How to win friends and influence people" mixed with Sales 101. I like that he ties up the loose ends at the end of the story.
Technical quality is where the story suffers, and it gets a C (6) as a result. Although there were not too many misspellings, the issue with the story lies in the punctuation, specifically the commas. They are often misplaced, and there are parts of the story where there are 3 or 4 commas in a sentence that only needed one.
For personal appeal, an A (8). The story has some real-life lessons that we could all benefit from, particularly those of us in a sales role.
SmokinDriver apparently wrote this story just for me and forgot to tell me. It has excellent sales tips for high end and low end sales. Prior to retiring I was a high end salesman/trainer and manager. I was a superior salesman, an excellent trainer, and a horrible sales manager. This story hit on all three of those and did it with class and style and most important, accuracy.
The time is the early 80's and if you think the numbers, that is, his earnings, are the stuff of fantasy, think again. OK, they are a off by maybe 10%, maybe even 12%; so what? IT managers in big shops were earning maybe 25K a year, and in the biggest shops maybe 30K. I was earning almost triple that and I was stoned out of my mind and working part time (placing those managers in new jobs).
More to the point, because I was older in the early 80s than our hero, the summer of 1965, the year I was graduated from high school, I made $17,000 in ten weeks. I loved selling encyclopedias. My father, with a relatively high ranking government job was making about the same amount...for the year. Good salesmen make a lot of money, great salesmen make a lot more.
The part of the book that was most annoying to me was that this kid was both a great salesman and had a six point handicap. Even living in Florida and playing golf all the time that is just unbearable, I had a six point handicap on every other hole.
The girls, smokin', the marijuana, smokin', the group sex, nothing but fond memories for an old man, As for the surfing, I have no idea, never, not once, have I ever been on a surf board.
The story is immensely enjoyable. I think it was just as good as the much longer Hindsight 20/20.
And here we come to smokindriver's real talent: he is a story teller. In both stories the core of the plot is a brilliant and utterly believable business idea. The whole secret to success in business, besides the obvious hard work and enough capital, is to find a vacuum and expand into it, essentially: build a better mouse trap. In both stories the protagonist does exactly that, all the while getting an unholy amount of first class pussy.
The only real shortcoming is the need for a better proofreader; and even the small typos cannot take away from this most enjoyable if too damned short, read. I wanted more.
smokinndriver, thank you.