A Second Chance by Old Man with a Pen

Description: Typical Do over. Never wrote one before so I have no idea how this'll turn out. I guess there'll be sex...but absolute not siblings...Eww! My sister...Eww Eww Eww. So…I left this but had to modify. In my last life my sister was as described…Eww Eww Eww! In this one she is …Oh My! I've died and gone to heaven.
Size: 369 KB ( ~ 69,973 words)
Type: Time Travel
Sex Contents: Minimal Sex
Tags: mt/ft, mt/Fa, Teenagers, Time Travel, Humor, DoOver, Incest, Brother, Sister, Grand Parent, First, Safe Sex, Oral Sex, Voyeurism

Review by funkso   [other reviews by funkso]

Reviewed: 2014-05-13

So, in part this is a review that is just to be contrary in response to Derek Smith's review - because coincidentally, I also just finished the story!

Let me get this out of the way - I hate the ending. Seriously abrupt to me. But then it looks like he's continued it in another story. It is a very abrupt and unsatisfying ending though.

Apart from that, the story is rather charming. Sure, it hasn't got the best grammar, and ellipses seem to be the main form of punctuation - but I really, really hate when reviewers think that the focus of their review should be the quality of the writing.

If it was bad, then I'd agree - I've even read stories I liked with god awful grammar and decided not to review because "if you can't say anything nice"...

That being said, I got used to the casual style of the writing and it actually fed into the "inner-voice" quality of what was being expressed. During the story you come to understand it's a bit of a journal for the protagonist, and although a genius - it's not like a journal is being published and edited.

The plot contains historical errors? Screw that, it's set in another dimensional universe of our world. Bank of England doesn't do personal banking? Does in this world. Escape clause, bitch.

Seriously, turn the brain off and just enjoy this story - Derek did, enough to give it 7's, which isn't a bad review at all - he wonders how people gave it as high as 7.2/10? Dude, your review ain't much lower.

But seriously, it has its faults, it's a guy posting a story on an internet site - and although there's great on here, there's plenty of bad. This one definitely falls into the good side.

Fun, fast, and just a plain good time. Read.

Plot: 8 | Technical Quality: 7 | Appeal to Reviewer: 8

Review by Derek Smith   [other reviews by Derek Smith]

Reviewed: 2014-05-04

This is the first of 'Old Man with a Pen's' stories that I have read.

Normally I enjoy 'Do-Over' tales but have to say that this one is far from the best that I have ever read. The plot is quite odd and the writing contains many historical and grammatical errors.

Some of the characters are difficult to accept even bearing in mind that this is a work of fiction.

However, it has a score of 7.2 which indicates that it has been popular with readers and I suspect that many of them will hold a different opinion to mine!

Read it and see what you think.

Plot: 7 | Technical Quality: 7 | Appeal to Reviewer: 7