The Princess and the Quarterback by Rolf

Author's Description:
Mark and Miranda are brother and sister. Miranda has found out about the worst life has to offer. The last thing she feels obligated to do is to make certain her brother has a good life when she is gone. They meet Wendy by accident and Miranda sees what she thinks is a match made in heaven. Miranda is 15. Her life is over, but she wants her brother happy and tries to put the things to do so into motion as best she can
Size: 51 KB ( ~ 9,671 words)
Genre: Fiction
Sex Contents: Minimal Sex
Tags: Sports

Review by Threesheets   [other reviews by Threesheets]

Reviewed: 2013-01-27

This story started out like a fairytale and ended up quite silly. One of the things I require is a believable premis. This one fails miserably. Not only does a single pro football player instantly pick up a good looking babe, his sister is in on it too.

Tragically, the sister has her own demons. The big time quarterback can't handle the pressure.

Now for the kicker, he and his sister are "English Royalty". Like that's ever going to happen.

It's very seldom I just trash a story but this one needs to be put down for it's own good.

Pass it by. Even the sad parts are touched on so lightly that it doesn't need a hanky. All this in 4 choppy chapters.

Sorry Rolf but do more research, build more character into your characters (they are not believable even in fiction) and work on your plot, it is not even close to finished.

Plot: 3 | Technical Quality: 4 | Appeal to Reviewer: 3