B.J.Jones the Story of My Life by jballs

Author's Description:
This is the story of the life of Roberta Josephine Jones. Shortened to BJ by her friends. From the battle fields Afghanistan with the Marines, loss of her life time friend, with flash backs to her wild youth. After the Marines she must find her way in the world. The early chapters of this story includes incest, les,rape and other adult themes. I plan for this to be a multi-part serial. This is my first attempt at writing. Much of the sex is in the early chapters changing to action and drama.
Size: 4373 KB ( ~ 829,250 words)
Sex Contents: Some Sex
Tags: Ma/Fa, mt/ft, Fa/Fa, ft/ft, Mult, Consensual, Romantic, Heterosexual, Fiction, Nudism, Slow

Review by Xalir   [other reviews by Xalir]

Reviewed: 2016-04-06

This story is extremely long at over 300 chapters and counting. The chapters are short enough and are divided up evenly enough to make it a less daunting read.

The story follows a Marine vet through her return to civilian life and her relationships. The overall plot is engaging and I found myself pulled to the next chapter to see what would happen next.

That being said, the story could benefit from a strong editor. The story finds itself bogged down in places with details that don't move the plot forward. There's a lot of reading business details that takes away from the relationships and the sex sort of trails off to a casual mention that it's going on in later chapters. There's also a lot of spelling errors and doubled words that make me think the story needs an editor to work closely with the author.

Those problems aside, I liked the story enough to keep coming back and looking for new chapters every day. I recommend it to people that are looking for a long-term story. Definitely not a stroke story, but worth the effort to read.

Plot: 6 | Technical Quality: 4 | Appeal to Reviewer: 6

Review by Threesheets   [other reviews by Threesheets]

Reviewed: 2013-05-31

First you need to get past the spelling, grammar, extra words that make a sentence unreadable.

NOW, once that is done you have the makings of a decent story. The story plot looks like it could be interesting but the technical quality caused me to quit after 22 chapters. It was just too painful.

Female Vet takes a job in law enforcement and tries to do right. BJ is likable and bi. Who cares. The sex is plentiful and not really that descriptive in an erotic sense.

It is not well balanced between sex and plot. Overall the story needs a good proof reader and editor. jballs should go to the help section of the site and seek assistance. Rewrite and resubmit.

Plot: 7 | Technical Quality: 3 | Appeal to Reviewer: 6