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Mr. E by double_entendre

Author's Description:
Can Trent coach football, deliver his teachers baby and get Becky accepted into nursing school all while still remaining anonymous?
Size: 191 KB ( ~ 36,219 words)
Genre: Romantic
Sex Contents: Some Sex
Tags: Ma/Fa, Consensual, Romantic, Rape, Fiction, Sports, Swinging, First, Safe Sex, Oral Sex, Sex Toys, Pregnancy, Size, Doctor/Nurse, Slow, School

Review by Teloz   [other reviews by Teloz]

Reviewed: 2012-04-27

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. As a footnote to his story 'double_entendre' apologises for the poor editing, as he may well do. The trouble is, it goes beyond that, the story is littered with homophones, homographs, and plain bad English.

The punctuation isn't much to write home about either, for example; "What do I need this for," she asked?. Firstly, the question mark should terminate the dialogue, not the tag line. Secondly, in this particular instance (there were only two protagonists taking part) it makes the tag line unnecessary, so "What do I need this for?" says it all. This was a common error throughout the text. Just plain wrong words were a feature too; Trent loved cunnings. should, I believe, have read Trent loved cunnilingus. It certainly fitted into the context. I should also point out that my spell checker picked that one up.

I've said all that because the basic plot was good. I've always liked 'Nerd Makes Good' stories, and I was looking forward to this one. The story grabbed me too, otherwise I would have read the first page, picked up on the poor technical quality, and clicked away from it. The basic story is great, it was hard work reading it, but on balance it was worth the effort.

'double_entendre', get yourself an editor! As for you, dear reader, if you like this kind of story, then this one may well be worth the effort!

Plot: 9 | Technical Quality: 5 | Appeal to Reviewer: 8