Every so often, I read an author's first story here and think to myself, "Wow, this guy has some potential. I hope he keeps writing." This story was one of those cases.
Reading through, we see an author who has taken a very unusual and improbable situation and tried to write it as realistically as possible - with success. There's no miracles here, and nothing which required suspension of disbelief in any way. I could envision these characters existing in their lives with no changes required.
The characters, from the start, have some immediately identifiable traits and habits, and it becomes easy for the reader to connect with them, whether to like them or dislike them. Dialogue between them is somewhat limited, but still very enjoyable; the author has some great banter in a number of scenes, and I'm hoping that the amount of dialogue will increase in subsequent works.
My only serious complaint is that at times I felt bogged down by descriptions, and this tended to slow down my reading as I attempted to digest the large amounts of information that were being provided. It's all interesting and useful in the context of the story, but sometimes I found myself skimming so I could get back to the action (or at least something happening). It's obvious here that the author is struggling to hold back a vast amount of information, and getting the feeling that you're reading something that is meticulously planned is never a bad thing.
Following this, my only non-serious complaint: I really, really, REALLY wanted the main character's name to just be John, and it bugged the hell out of me that it wasn't. This is, I'm told after having enquired, intentional.
Stroke: It's here, though not anywhere near reaching the point of saturating the story. It's only a central event once or twice, so I think I can safely say that the story would stand fine without it. I'm more satisfied with it as it is, however. The scenes are nicely done, furthering the characterization by making the people portrayed more unique. A reader could jump into any sex scene in the story and immediately know who is involved before names are mentioned, a rarity.
Technically, there's a few boo-boos here and there, and a few stylistic choices did not sit well with me and detracted from the readability.
To conclude, this is a good story. It has ups, it has downs, the first page alone will hook you pretty strongly, and the struggles thereafter will leave you cheering for the characters involved. Throughout, there are smatterings of what I think are the building blocks to being a great writer, and I'll be following Innuendo's career here on SOL with interest.