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Ring Master: First Ring by Ringmaster

Author's Description:
Can being electrocuted have an affect on you? It seems it can. The problem is finding out just what the hell kind of effect it is. Story codes will be added as appropriate.
Size: 240 KB ( ~ 45,511 words)
Genre: Romantic
Sex Contents: Some Sex
Tags: Ma/Fa, Fa/Fa, Consensual, Romantic, BiSexual, Humor, DomSub, Spanking, Rough, Light Bond, Harem, Oral Sex, Slow

Review by Andrew Johns   [other reviews by Andrew Johns]

Reviewed: 2008-08-27

In "Ring Master: First Ring", we have the story of a man that is the victim of an electrical accident when a RV hits his car, and a power line strikes him. Waking up days later in the hospital, a beautiful woman is there waiting for him. Read along to see what happens to the man.

The sex in the story was fairly hot and this is definitely written as a stroke piece, but had a somewhat formulatic feeling to it. There is some stroke value here, but I found it blunted by other problems.

The story itself is not so great, and has a cheesy feeling to it. From the 2 sets of twins, to everyone falling at the man's feet to help him, there was very little conflict the main character had to overcome. It was simply moving from one sex scene to the next. And just as the plot seemed to finally be moving somewhere, the story ends.

Technically, this story is poorly written. The author is quite comma happy, using them where none is needed. There were also numerous occasions where the ending quotation mark was left off when a character stopped speaking, but there were more sentences in the paragraph. This made for a confusing read. Other problems, such as capitilizing non-proper nouns, crossing up verb tenses, and two people speaking in the same paragraph cropped up from time to time.

Overall, this story needs a heavy dose of editing to clean it up and make it easier on the reader. A more focused plot with some interesting conflicts/issues for the character to overcome would be very welcome in future stories in this potential series. A little less use of sex story cliches would also make for a more interesting story.

For an early work in an author's career, this isn't a bad effort, but there is definite room for improvement.

Plot: 5 | Technical Quality: 5 | Appeal to Reviewer: 5