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The Unexpected Visitor by Martin Young

Author's Description:
Martin was in a really bad mood. His day at the office had been terrible, his efforts during the last year were down the drain and he was probably going to be laid off. As if this was not enough his boss, nicknamed Lady Jessica sans Pitié, seemed to truly hate him. All Martin wanted was to get some sleep and forget about it. He was awakened by the doorbell and when he opened the door he was shocked. Outside in the cold snow was his boss Jessica, completely naked.
Size: 170 KB ( ~ 32,237 words)
Genre: Romantic
Sex Contents: Some Sex
Tags: Ma/Fa, Fa/Fa, Mult, Consensual, Romantic, Mind Control, Hypnosis, Slavery, BiSexual, Heterosexual, First, Oral Sex, Petting, Slow, Violent

Review by Ivan_Ronical   [other reviews by Ivan_Ronical]

Reviewed: 2012-04-29

I'll preface this review by saying it rambled on for at least three times its current length but I had to cut it down because it kept getting rejected for being "too long". Damn censors!

"Don't worry Jessica. I am really a nice guy and will not coerce you into doing something you otherwise would not do." This quote is a shallow, though accurate, summary of "The Unexpected Visitor", which I decided to re-read tonight so that I could better review it.

Martin, the main character, gets used as a floor mat by his boss, and he's sensitive enough that he cries himself to sleep about it, but he does it without holding a grudge. So when his boss shows up at his house late one night, naked in all her objectified, boobalicious glory and freezing her fine anus off (I play mad libs in my head while reading the descriptions of females; it works better some times than others), I was obviously very disappointed when our perpetually fearful hero did not pounce on her like an elephant on a tricycle. Instead of reading about Martin turning her inside out in ways that would make Caligula jealous, I was subjected to FEELINGS and PLOTTED BACKSTORIES. Oh, the humanity!

Jests and historical references aside, TUV is an engaging story with some technical problems that are hugely overshadowed by its inherent charm. The characters in it, while perhaps not portrayed as perfectly as they could have been, come across enough that the rough edges can be smoothed out. Dialogue which appears, at first glance, to be overly formal and stilted, becomes somehow quaint and endearing. Even after finding some glaring grammatical errors, I found myself thinking of them fondly: almost like the characters themselves, who are all emotionally broken in their own ways.

From the first fateful meeting of Martin and his boss on his doorstep where her nippsicles catch his eye, the reader wants the two of them to come together, and there's some sense that it's going to happen: she's gorgeous, naked, and somehow enslaved to him. To combat the reader's expectations, Martin refuses her initial hints that he should have his way with her, and not only because he's the "nice guy". We immediately get the sense that there's something deeper, something which is causing him to be more reticent than the average man.

With his boss as well, something is obviously wrong to get her acting this way, and it creates a sinister undertone to the entire story. Who is causing this? What plans do they have? Why did they pick him? And also, the obvious questions with any female character in an SOL story: who does she have sex with, and does she do anal?

Stroke: TUV is not a sex-based story, and so I use my other scoring "rubric": if there is sex which is not vital to the story, I increase the stroke. That last sentence came out wrong; if the sex is important to the story, I don't count it.

TUV has sex scenes. They're well written, and I enjoyed how they all played out. But every one of them is for the advancement of the story, and so I have given a rating of N/A here because it is not the primary focus and TUV should not be read by those who want something to read before they spank the monkey or clang the clitty. It's a thought-provoking piece -- or at least, it should be if I was holding it the right way.

Technical quality: this story has a lot of errors, as I mentioned previously, but the author managed the bare minimum for me to succeed at applying some extra credit: no characters accidentally had their names swapped. This is the one offense that I can never forgive, and I am happy to report that I did not have to shatter another keyboard.

I'd like to say that the plot of this kept me guessing, but I had already read it quite some time ago. More than that, I had actually read the story it was inspired by, "I'm yours (signed, sealed, delivered)" back in 2004 when it was originally posted (it's okay to cross-link stories like this I hope? A great story in its own right, I strongly suggest anyone who liked TUV to check it out.

Looking at TUV objectively, there's plenty of places where the author inserted dramatic devices to increase the tension level of the readers, and these placements do succeed: even knowing what was going to happen I felt a flash of panic at one point - perhaps I had remembered wrong?

Looking back, I've spent a fair amount of this review hitting around with the kid gloves on. I'm not good at dealing with emotion, and this is a story which packs a pretty substantial amount into it without the reader noticing: an admirable success. So to the author, well done. If your goal was to give readers a good story which would make them stop and consider things afterward, you've succeeded.

Read this story. If you've read it, read it again. It may not be the best story on this site, but it's definitely one of the few that will cause you to pause and think.

Plot: 9 | Technical Quality: 7 | Appeal to Reviewer: 9

Review by Bobster   [other reviews by Bobster]

Reviewed: 2010-02-06

Interesting is the first word that comes to mind trying to describe this story. I just completed my second reading of it.

Martin Young is technically proficient, but more importantly he can spin a very believable tale that grabs you and sucks you in. Which this story did to me, twice!

The story follows 3 people, all with different hang ups from experiences in their past, as they come together, and become a much better whole than they had ever managed individually.

The method that brings them together is where interesting comes in. I won't spoil it for you, read it yourself, but it was indeed interesting.

There is a lot of room here to expand on this story, I hope the author considers a sequel or perhaps several!

Plot: 10 | Technical Quality: 10 | Appeal to Reviewer: 10