Just A Story by DG Hear

Description: Man pays his debt to society and begins his new life.
Size: 48 KB ( ~ 9,102 words)
Sex Contents: Some Sex
Tags: Ma/Fa, Consensual, Romantic, Tear Jerker

Review by Andrew Johns   [other reviews by Andrew Johns]

Reviewed: 2006-06-20

In "Just A Story", we get the tale of a man who made a few mistakes early in life making good on his responsibilities.

The stroke in this story is effectively non-existent. The brief coupling at a party will in no way excite the reader. This is not a bad thing, since this isn't a stroke story, so just be forewarned that sex isn't a focus here.

The plot itself is fairly predictable, with a lot foreshadowing. Each step along the way brought no surprises or senses of wonder. The foreshadowing also gave the story a herky-jerky feel. One example is jumping forward to say the girl was the H.S. Prom Queen, then jumping back a year or so to say she was ill prior to that.

Technically, there were no glaring flaws to interfere with story immersion.

I found this story to pretty boring, all told. The amount of heavy handed foreshadowing meant that the story never generated any type of emotional response, as you knew what was coming. The jumping around also hampered the sense of progression throughout the story. The whole story has a "stream of fractured conciousness" feeling to it, as if a good outline wasn't followed, but the author just wrote and posted it quickly. Add in a relatively emotionless narrator voice, and I couldn't find myself being entertained.

A stronger narrator, less foreshadowing, following a timeline instead of hopping around, and more dialogue would have helped flesh this tale out and made it more appealing.

Plot: 3 | Technical Quality: 9 | Appeal to Reviewer: 5