Gill by Robin

Author's Description:
Simple sex session between a man and a young woman. She is payment for her father's gambling debts. Reposted to correct spelling, puncuation and grammatical errors, but there is still one error there. Can you spot it?
Size: 19 KB ( ~ 3,603 words)
Genre: Erotica
Sex Contents: Much Sex
Tags: Ma/Fa, Consensual, Heterosexual, First, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Squirting

Review by Andrew Johns   [other reviews by Andrew Johns]

Reviewed: 2006-01-06

In "Gill", a woman is sent to her father's debt-holder, to cancel the debts the father owes. The story is told from the debt-holder's perspective.

There is one sex scene in this tale. While the story is not coded for it, the sex is supposedly a MDom situation. However, Gill "Tops from the bottom" during it, making the lack of coding for D/s partially acceptable. The protagonist isn't much of a Dom, and Gill appears to be one of those submissives that wants to follow a script in her head. (If you have been active in the D/s lifestyle, you know what I mean.) I didn't find the scene erotic.

The basic premise was not bad. While it has been done before, it is rare to see it being portrayed as the female being a "submissive". However, at the end, she effectively tells him she wishes to stay with him, as she has longed to be a submissive. Since the protagonist doesn't come across as a Dominant, it feels wrong.

Technically, while Robin may have done a rewrite to clear up the previous problems, the author clearly needs an editor to help out. British spellings aside, misspelled words and poor punctuation are present with too high a frequency.

I never got into this short story. The characters evoked no emotional or erotic response from me.

Plot: 7 | Technical Quality: 5 | Appeal to Reviewer: 5

Review by fuzzywuzzy   [other reviews by fuzzywuzzy]

Reviewed: 2006-01-05

Sometimes the indications that a woman or child is a true submissive can be so subtle that a Dom can miss them entirely. Other times they are intimated by small actions that are welcomed without reservation.

Robin's Gill at first appears as the property given to our hero in payment of a debt. Then, as the story progresses we find those subtleties in the actions of Gill which confirm our thoughts that she desires to return to our hero as his submissive!

Robin has attempted to edit this lovely story to make it more readable and has succeeded except for some small errors which we can surely forgive!

Ten across the board... Enjoy!

Plot: 10 | Technical Quality: 10 | Appeal to Reviewer: 10