Love by JAX

Author's Description:
I found this old stoneware jar, still sealed with a waxed in cork. Inside were ten fragile pages covered with very small writing and a few drawings. The pages were labelled 'Love', 'His Lust', 'Her Lust' and 'Death' and at last 'Vassal', whatever that means.
Size: 13 KB ( ~ 2,465 words)
Genre: Erotica
Sex Contents: Much Sex
Tags: Ma/Fa, Drunk/Drugged, Heterosexual, Fiction, MaleDom, Oral Sex

Review by Straylight Rise   [other reviews by Straylight Rise]

Reviewed: 2005-11-21

Pretty much a simple domination story through chemistry. The main character has sex with 2 women and uses his mixtures to make them his love slaves. Simply a quick stroke story. Altough it leaves a wide open door for more sequels or expansion from the author. Read if you want to be aroused for 3-4 minutes. It's simply ok.

Plot: 4 | Technical Quality: 5 | Appeal to Reviewer: 5

Review by Stormy Weather   [other reviews by Stormy Weather]

Reviewed: 2005-11-21

The plot of this story is a nifty one. A man finds the recipes for four gypsy potions: Love, Lust, Death, and Vassal; and the stage is set for a story that could go places!

And, indeed, the story went places, but I don't feel the story reaches its full potential. The writing feels rushed and the depth needed to make this story a really great "stroke" story just isn't reached.

Other problems with this story that could be fixed with a little bit of effort:

Transition: it was hard to tell where the narrator was part of the time.

Pronoun: with "she" and "her" that could be easily cleared up with a use of the female names.

Comma placement: some were missing that should have been there to help clarification.

Verb tense: tense was changed through out the narration quite a few times.

The story is a good read as is, but it could be great one with some work on the part of the author.

Plot: 10 | Technical Quality: 4 | Appeal to Reviewer: 7