Vengeance Heart by Volentrin

Description: A young man stumbles upon a strange cave, and even stranger items within it. An old wrong has to be righted, and Roland is chosen to be that instrument.
There will be no sex in this story. Instead it will be filled with action, adventure, and magic.
Size: 66 KB ( ~ 12,516 words)
Sex Contents: No Sex
Tags: Magic, Fiction

Review by manddscott   [other reviews by manddscott]

Reviewed: 2016-06-15 - (Review Updated: 2016-06-15)

A young man stumbles upon an ancient burial site, and what he finds sends him on a quest on behalf of the being whose body he found buried.

For plot, I give the story a B (7). It is above average, but to me it appears to be just the beginning of a longer story, rather than a full story on its own. This is a fantasy with magic at its core, set in a time similar to the middle ages.

For technical score another B (7). As I read this story, I began noting the small errors in grammar or punctuation. They were mainly homophones (reigned/reined, fourth/forth, wondered/wandered etc), or possessive versus plural words, and simple to correct. I decided, before I finished the first chapter, that the story had too much promise already for me not to try to contribute and make it a little better by offering to edit the story and let the author submit the corrected version. Imagine my horror when the only thing appearing was an author blog, and no way to contact the author. Imagine my further horror when, in going to the blog page, I found out that the author had passed away from that disease which shall not be named (too many loved ones have succumbed to it) back in 2008. Truly a great loss of a good storyteller. My heart and prayers go out to his family, along with the hope that time has eased the sorrow of his passing.

For personal appeal, I give the story an A (8). As I mentioned earlier, this story seems to me to be a small part of a much larger tale. I would like to have the entire tale to read.

PS - There is a sequel to this story, but it only appears to be 8 chapters, so I don't know if it will cover all that I hope it does.

Plot: 7 | Technical Quality: 7 | Appeal to Reviewer: 8

Review by The Old Fart   [other reviews by The Old Fart]

Reviewed: 2005-11-30

Start with a land where there's magic, the bow and arrow are the weapons of choice, horses and wagons are used for transportation, with castles and peasants. Add a symbiotic entity out for revenge on the other entity who killed him. Throw in a sack of precious stones.

These are the main ingredients of Vengeance Heart. Sounds like the makings for a great story. And they are. But Volentrin doesn't take full advantage of them. The story plods along, unenthusiastically, almost like reading a history book. This story should have passion, excitement, danger. The sword fight should have you on the edge of your seat, cheering for the hero. Volentrin can tell a good tale and make it exciting. He seems bored in this one. And it's a shame because it has so much potential.

Plot: 9 | Technical Quality: 9 | Appeal to Reviewer: 8