Roadside Assistance by Virago Blue

Author's Description:
Careful what you have between your legs while driving.
Size: 19 KB ( ~ 3,603 words)
Sex Contents: Much Sex
Tags: Ma/Fa, Consensual

Review by Celeste   [other reviews by Celeste]

Reviewed: 2002-03-01

This story has a moral to it. Don't try to remove your bright red lace pushup bra from under your equally bright red silk blouse while driving down a highway in Texas with your coffee gripped between your legs and the windows open or the top down, with your nipples responding to the cool night air. If you do, you could get a helping hand from a handsome police officer. On second thought, I had better to rephrase that moral.

The exact physics to explain what happens in this story are somewhat complex. The legal issue is that in Texas the object between the legs must be an aluminum can or something of phallic nature.

In the example given in this story, the driver swerves off the road in distress -- as well as in partial undress. That is, her upper-body garments have vanished into the darkness of the night. At this point, Paige is stuck in that dream I always have about driving down the highway or attending my freshman English class partially naked.

I don't want to ruin the story for you, but Paige gets busted -- both literally, and figuratively. Her legal problem is that she was driving topless, in two different senses.

To the author's credit, she refrains from some dismal puns. I mean, when Deputy James Andersen comes upon a beautiful woman in his headlights, her arms crossed over her chest, each hand filled with a breast, wouldn't you as an author be tempted to venture a pun or two. But no, the author just goes right ahead, and the officer says, "May I see some I.D.?" Imagine that.

So anyway, even though he really has nothing on her, the deputy asks Paige to assume the position. See how hard it is to tell this story without even an innocent pun now and then?

Also, keep in mind that if this should ever happen to you, it is possible in the United States to hire an attorney and sue the establishment that sold you the coffee.

The author has a forgivable aversion to commas in certain places. However, I took a break from working on chapter 33 of my Celestial Grammar Book to review this story; and what struck me was the author's correct usage of so many easily confused words. So if you read this story in church or in study hall, just focus your attention on words like piqued, areola, rode, road, farther, and blonde. And while you're at it, just think of how the author correctly uses words like throes, penal, penile, discreet, and disingenuous, all of which are covered in chapter 33 of my forthcoming tome. Unless you do this, you are likely to show telltale signs of sexual arousal. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Plot: 10 | Technical Quality: 9 | Appeal to Reviewer: 10