A meteor lands intact four billion years ago, it comes to rest under an almost full blooded Comanche Indian’s property in his thousand acre ranch in west Texas. This is his story and it explains why people really shouldn’t mess with him!
Size: 157 KB (29,468 words)
Genre: Action/Adventure
Sex Contents: No Sex
Tags: Violence
Review by dookie [other reviews by dookie]
Reviewed:
I have to give the author credit for a good plot idea and a very good start.
The first of three sections of the story is compelling and draws you in. Unfortunately, once the MC leaves home, things go south quickly. Errors multiply - major errors, like switching locations back and forth and changing names. The believability factor drops precipitously as well. In the final part, believability drops completely. I found myself straining to complete this short story. It finally ends with a denouement that indicates the author struggled for a way to end the story and finally threw his hands up in the air and just wrote a few closing lines.
Throughout, the story is plagued with grammatical and punctuation errors, and inconsistencies (e.g., switching from 24-hour to 12-hour time.)
