I finally figured out why I like this story:
IT DOESN'T STOP!!
The damn thing just keeps going and going and going... I get to reading so fast... and the punctuation is truly a mess... that I just can't stop. This is my third reading... it's like Joyce's Mail Boat... the boat lets you know that no time has passed. With this story, though, not only has time passed... it's a year!
I'm going out on a limb here... the story is great... the style won't appeal to many... it makes one think. Who said that? But you're reading so fast and it never stops... so forget about grammar, forget about punctuation. Read it through... go back and read it again.