Chapter 5: The Fat Lady Sings

Joe

The announcement came during one of our lunches and it hit me like a ton of bricks. We had made provisional plans for a family Christmas, being together, heal some, and enjoy the holiday spirit. Judy was nervous I could tell, all through the lunch. After we finished, she asked me to walk with her for a few minutes.

"Joe, I know we made plans for the holidays, but I don't want to go through with it. Let's face it, our summer vacation did not bring us any closer. The way you pushed me back made me realize how far we have drifted apart."

It was a sore point with both of us. After two weeks on the beach, we had gone out without the kids one evening, and Judy had pulled all the stops. She had flirted with me, she had pressed her body against me at every opportunity, and she had found me quite receptive, too. We returned to the rented beach house and I anticipated a merry make-up fuck, our first since I was wounded over two years before. We went straight to her room and fairly tore off our clothes. Judy reclined on the bed and I began to kiss her, all over her body. I kissed my way down her front, but when I came close to her pubes, she twisted away, trying to pull me up.

"Come and fuck me, Joe," she'd pleaded, but I wasn't ready yet.

Hell, this was our first time back together, and I wanted a little more. She had turned away, and that gave me access to her buns. I started to nibble, but Judy sat up.

"Not that, Joe. I don't like that. Make love to me."

"Judy, I'm just trying that. Why can't I kiss my wife?"

"Maybe later. I don't feel comfortable. If you kiss me, you'll expect the same from me, and you know I don't like that."

That was enough for me to lose my interest and my erection. She was not comfortable with oral sex, not with me, but she had sucked off another man readily enough. I stood up and collected my clothes. She sat there with tears running down her cheeks.

"Why is that so important to you?" she asked miserably. "You know I hate doing oral."

"I knew that and accepted it as part of who you are, Judy. I never complained. But you gave a blowjob to your lover, so your aversion seems to be an exclusive one towards me. Do I taste bad, do I smell bad, or is my dick too ugly for you?"

"If I start doing it, you'll want it all the time. With ... I knew it was only a fling. I didn't like it with him. I just did it."

"Repeatedly," I shot back. "Look, it's clear that we're not ready to start this again. I'll go back to my room."

"You're leaving me? Joe, I thought we could put all that stuff behind us."

"I was willing and ready, Judy, but right now, you're giving me the impression that I'm only second choice for you."

I returned to the here and now, and there was Judy, looking at me.

"Say something!" she demanded.

"The way I remember it, you pushed me away."

"Yeah, well, that's a matter of perspective. Anyway, Joe, I have somehow lost the courage. We go to lunch twice a week, we play nice, but we can't seem to get close again."

"That's because you won't let me," I maintained.

"Jesus, Joe, not everything is about sex!"

"Everything is about sex, Judy. Don't kid yourself! Your lover wouldn't have gone parking with you without the sex. We wouldn't have married without the sex. And, sorry, we won't get together again without real sex."

"I was ready for sex."

"No, you were ready for fucking. If all I wanted was to climb atop and start humping, I could find a prostitute. They don't kiss either, but I hear they give blowjobs."

"Then go and find one! You make this real easy for me, Joe. I'll be gone over the holidays with a man I've grown fond of. He doesn't demand anything from me, either."

I stepped back in shock. She had done it again, baited me and stabbed me in the back. A thought came to me, a thought how I could hurt her back.

"You won't take the kids. We're not divorced, you don't have custody, and I don't allow them taken along while you go away with a man I don't know."

"You have to keep them anyway. I want to spend some quality time with a man who doesn't lose his erection so easily!" she spat back.

This time, I understood immediately. She had already given him a test drive. I briefly thought of the gun in its holster at my waist, but then I thought of the kids. Realization dawned on her now and she bit her lips.

"Sorry, Joe. I didn't mean for you to..."

"Save it, Judy. Let's just get the divorce going again. I've wasted enough time with you."

I turned and walked away before she could reply. I found my car in a trance, and in a trance, I drove around. I found myself parked at Great Falls, staring ahead at the churning waters of the Potomac River, trying to shake the numbness. It was over, that much was clear to me, even in my dazed state. There was no way back now. I had better accept it, too, and move to protect myself and the kids. Still, I was feeling nothing but dread when I started the engine again.

I was lucky that my lawyer was still in his office at five p.m., and I briefed him on the new development. It was Tuesday and he promised me to ready everything and to have Judy served by Thursday morning. It was past seven when I arrived at my apartment, and my answering machine was blinking frantically. Come to think of it, so was my cell phone. I discarded all seven calls from Judy, but there was a call from Bethany's cell phone. I called her immediately.

"Dad, where have you been? Mom came home, and she was crying. She left an hour later and hasn't been back. Did you fight?"

"Sort of. She told me she'll be spending Christmas with some guy she met."

"She wouldn't! Dad, who?"

"I have no clue."

"She'll be gone over Christmas?"

"That's what she said. You'll have to stay with me and Aunt Ruth. Have you guys eaten yet?"

"No, Mom was supposed to bring food, but she didn't."

"Okay, I'll be right over with something."

I put on my coat and drove to a pizza parlor, buying a large pepperoni. Mikey opened the door when I rang, and I carried the pizza to the kitchen. We sat down at the table, and for a moment I felt the sadness overwhelm me. My marriage was over and our time as a family would not come back. Bethany and Mikey were scared, depressed and barely able to finish their slices. Around nine o'clock, Judy came home.

"Dad!" Bethany implored me.

Judy saw me and checked. "What the fuck are you doing in my house?" she asked belligerently. "Out!"

"Beth and Mikey didn't get any dinner, and I brought them a pizza. As for the house, there's still my name on the deed, and you have withdrawn the separation petition. I have every right to be here. I have every right to look after my children. What's your excuse for leaving them without dinner? Blowjob duty with your new squeeze?"

She turned white as a sheet. "Beth, Mikey, please say Good Night to Dad. Dad and I need to talk."

The kids hugged me briefly before they left the kitchen reluctantly.

"I forgot the time. I – I kept driving around until the tank was empty. Triple A had to tow me to the next gas station." She looked at me. "Joe, is it really over?"

I shrugged. My anger was seeping away. "You'll be served Thursday."

"You could have asked me to stay for Christmas. Instead, you just gave up."

"I'm not the one who's already test riding her next lover, Judy."

She took a deep breath, but obviously she was unwilling to stoke the fire further. "You don't have to be that rude. Can we go along the lines we agreed on last year?"

"I guess. There's one provision. Don't let your new lover sleep over here with the kids in the house. I'll take them if you need an empty house, but I won't have a stranger with my kids, at least not until there is some form of trust established."

"That's reasonable. Can you promise me the same?"

"Easy. I have nobody to spend the night with."

"That may change. Look, Joe, I know I hurt you more than once. I'll make things easy for you. Whenever you want to see the kids, I'll make it possible. Once the kids move out, I'll sell the house and we'll split the equity. I may be a cheater, but I won't be a blood sucker."