Chapter 3: Making an Effort

Joe

My parents left at ten, and my recollection of the following hours is hazy. There was a full bottle of Scotch left, and Ruth, Beth and I got royally drunk. I woke up on Christmas Morning dressed in T-shirt and boxers and with a half naked Beth cuddled up to me on Ruth's sofa. When Beth saw I was awake, she wiggled her behind against me.

"Get tested for STDs and then come to New York for a long weekend. I give you an IOU for a weekend of torrid sex."

I had to smile in spite of the hang over and my foul mood.

"I'll come as soon as I get a clean bill of health. I swear, if I caught a VD, I'll strangle the bitch."

"Naw, don't do that. Just drop by at her work and tell her about the VD in front of her coworkers. Nothing beats a public humiliation."

"Jeez, have you always been that mean?"

"Nasty divorce will do that to you. Enough of that shit, Joe. You're young, you're not half bad looking, and you have a good job. Hell, you can even have a shot at Dolly Dickinson."

"Ruth told you?"

Beth giggled. "We even rented one of her movies. Talk about jail bait!"

"She's changed. She looks like a normal person in real life. I hope she can make it through her parole."

"I met her ex-roomy when I picked up her stuff. She's a Goth chick. Black hair, white skin, and a big cobra tattooed over her left shoulder. I couldn't help staring at her cleavage. Does your Dolly have a tat?"

"Her name is Dolores, and I did not notice any. Jeez, Beth, what's the obsession about?"

She shrugged and turned her head to look at me. "I don't know. I guess I'm a bit envious. I used to see myself as a liberated girl, even a wild one. But those porn chicks? Just think of it! The wild stuff they get to do."

"You mean like being tied down and ass raped without lube?" I asked, not able to help myself.

Beth flinched. "Jeez, you're right. That's what happened to Dolores, right? Okay, you're right. Too much of the wild stuff is bad too. What happened to the guy who did it?"

"You mean the performer? He's doing time for rape. Won't be out for another few years."

Beth looked at me quizzically.

"Doesn't that affect you, I mean at least a little? That hot girl? She's basically under your thumb."

"That's not how I'm wired, Beth. I don't get off on dominance shit. I used to like my girls happy and willing, and hope I didn't change since then. Besides, I don't even dare to think of a parolee that way. I may have to send her back into the pen. I cannot let anything cloud my judgement. And let's not even think of the consequences if I screw up."

We left it at that and got up. Ruth made us coffee and we had some bagels for breakfast. I split before noon and promised Beth to contact her once I felt ready. When I parked my car in front of my apartment building, I knew there would be more trouble. Judy's Honda was in front too. As soon as I got out, she confronted me.

"Where the hell have you been all night? Was it that slut Beth?"

With more relish than I thought possible, I answered.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I slept at Ruth's on her sofa, and I shared it with Beth. We were both too drunk for anything to happen, but we agreed to make something happen as soon as I am tested negative for STDs. With you having lovers I need to make sure before I endanger anybody."

"I did not have lovers. What did Ruth tell you?"

"That she caught you at the movies swapping spit with a guy. Feel like fessing up?"

"That was Larry Horn. We went out a few times, but we never went past kissing."

"Sure. Still, I need to get checked. Right now, your credibility is damaged."

"Joe, I swear! I never slept with another man."

Oh, the curse of spending your days with people who feed you with bullshit. I wasn't there, I didn't hit her, the cops slipped it into my pocket, I never slept with him.

"Okay, I believe you. After all, there were no overnighters that I can recall. Still, even if you did not sleep with Horny Larry, did you perhaps do any naughty stuff in your waking hours? Did he touch your genitals or did you touch his genitals at any time? With touch, I mean any part of his and your body. Come on, do you swear to that, too?"

Turning pale and hesitating with the answer was a dead giveaway. Finally, she took a deep breath.

"No, we made out in his car a couple of times, during lunch breaks."

"Made out, as in?"

"I ... Alright, I went down on him, and he fingered me. Once, but only once, we tried to fuck, but it was awkward and cramped, and when we moved to the back seat, he lost his erection. I made him wear a rubber, I swear! I only did it because I was afraid and confused."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid I'd lose you! You were in the hospital after being shot, and you wouldn't quit that damned job!"

I had to shake my head and my hangover made itself known again.

"Let me see if I get this straight. You were afraid of losing me, and so you went parking with another man while I was laid up in the hospital? I'd say, you made pretty sure of losing me with that approach."

"Joe, we can work on our problems. We can try. We can have counseling. We can take a big family vacation. We both have enough accrued leave to go for three or four weeks. It can be a second honeymoon for us, to put things right again."

I really considered it, I swear. I looked at her, and I knew she meant it. But then I looked at her mouth, with the pale lipstick I always liked on her, and my stomach heaved a little. She must have seen my expression and her shoulders sagged.

"Judy, I can't. Not knowing that the mouth you kissed me with at the hospital had been on another man's dick just a few hours before. When did you give me the last blowjob? Right after our wedding, if my memory serves me. You were performing on that guy an act of tenderness and loving that you refused to me. 'It's disgusting. I don't do that!' Those were your words. Yet, parking with your lover, you felt the need to do it. He must have meant a lot to you. More than I, at least."

She looked at me pleadingly. "Joe, that's hurt pride talking now. I can understand that. I'll try to make it up. Of course, I can do that with you again. I know that you liked it."

"You mean, you will grant me the same sexual favors as your lover? Whoopeedeedoo! I can't wait for sloppy seconds! Shall I whip it out now?"

Her eyes filled with tears. "I should have never told you."

"No, Judy, you should have never done it. Let me guess. You ended the affair when Ruth caught you?"

"She promised she wouldn't tell! I put it behind me. I don't even think of Larry anymore. It was a mistake. A lapse. Come on, Joe! You give people second chances for a living."

That made me stop. She was right there, but then again, it was not the same.

"Judy, yes, I give second chances. Tell you what. We'll freeze the divorce proceedings for a year and see if there's a chance. We can meet for lunch once or twice a week, and I can drop by on Sundays."

"You're not coming back, then?"

"No. Before you get your second chance, you have to do the time. You have to do some thinking, too. You have to decide if you can accept me as I am, with my habits, with my job. And I have to make up my mind if I can ever kiss you again."

She flinched under that last remark, but then she nodded. "If that is what it takes, I'm willing."

"Okay, let's say lunch together on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I pick you up on Tuesdays, you pick me up on Thursdays."

"Pick you up?"

"Yeah, at the office. Sort of a public commitment thing."

She did not like that one I could see. In the end, she agreed though. "I guess that makes sense. Umh, Joe, could you perhaps, you know, dress professionally when you pick me up? We have a dress code, and the way you dress for work..."

"Suit and tie?" I almost screamed. I calmed down with an effort. "Okay, I can try. I have a suit in the office for court appearances."

A weak smile appeared on Judy's lips. "Joe, the nineties called and they want it back badly. Please? Let Ruth help you pick a new model. Try for a hair cut, too. You're a good looking guy. Be my eye candy again."

"When did I ever own a proper suit?"

"My point, Joe. I'll make you a deal. I'll dress down on the weekends, and you tune yourself up for our luncheons. Let's meet on the middle ground. I have to dress properly. It also helps me to, you know, still feel attractive."

"For me? You know I always found you beautiful."

"No, for me. Joe, at my age, a woman can either go slob or go elegant."

"You are not calling Ruth a slob, are you?"

"Right now, I prefer not to call Ruth anything. She's made it so hard for us."

"Judy, you betrayed me. Don't you dare putting the blame on Ruth. I'm willing to listen, I'm willing to work on our marriage. But you must accept your responsibility."

She gave me a weak grin. "I bet you say that line ten times a week. Sorry. You're right. I guess, I need to come to terms with Ruth if I want to make things work. I suppose it was unfair of me to demand discretion seeing how close you two are."

"See, that was easy. Listen Judy, I need a shower in the worst way and then some shut eye. I'll pick you up next Tuesday. I may have to wear my old suit then, but I'll get some new stuff as soon as I find the time."

"Okay, I hope you still have a nice holiday. Thanks for not giving up on me. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

With that, she turned and sat in her car to drive home. Me, I had the shower I needed and then reclined on my sofa to think. Could we work it out? I thought of Bethany and Mikey. They would be so happy if we could reconcile. But would I ever be able to come home from work and kiss Judy? Without sniffing for sperm breath first? Unfair? You bet, but Judy's confession had rocked me badly.

Anyway, perhaps she had a point with her critique of my dressing habits. It was not something I had ever wasted a thought over. Back then as a Trooper, I had my uniform. When I became a parole agent, my boss told me to dress as I pleased. He himself was a certified slob and fostered a low standard by making fun of the preppier colleagues. Since he was otherwise a good role model, I guess it rubbed off on me, even if he was retired now. With an inward groan, I picked the phone and called Ruth.

She answered in a moment. "Hey, how's your head?"

"Okay, although I've been taking a few hard hits this morning. Listen, sister dear, if your slob of a brother decided to upgrade his outer appearance clothes-wise, where would you send his sorry ass? Mind that I still work at the same place and with the same salary."

"Got you. Judy's been on your case? I gotta admit, when she's right, she's right. What's that? No, it's Joe. He needs a few suits, shirts and ties." She was talking to somebody in the background now, Beth probably. "Take a day off tomorrow. Beth and I will take you under our wings. Let's go to White Flint first. Be here at eleven. Beth is a bit of a late riser."

Did you ever go shopping a day after Christmas? If not, don't try it. Everybody and her sister were trying to return gifts, and most shops were understaffed anyway. Still, when Ruth gets into shopping mode, she is a force without equal, and she never let go of the poor girl at Bloomy's before we had secured a very respectable charcoal grey suit, several dress pants ranging from cream color to dark grey, and two single breasted jackets to combine with the dress pants. Add to that a week's worth of shirts and three new ties, and we left with a $1300 dent in my Mastercard. Next came shoes. Here, I was able to enforce some common sense, eschewing Italian models in favor of something I could actually walk in.

When we left, Ruth threatened me with another shopping trip once the spring and summer clothes came out. Yikes! Well, at least I did not look too shabby when I took Judy out for lunch the next Tuesday. She gave me a truly appreciative smile when I showed, and for the first time I was introduced to a few of her colleagues. That did not leave me very comfortable. I had no idea who of them knew of Judy's extramarital escapades. Thankfully, Judy was ready to leave.

On the street, she hooked her arm into mine while we walked down the street to a small Italian restaurant. They knew her there, and we were shown to a table immediately. I was feeling comfortable again when the waiter showed. We ordered, and while the waiter fetched our soft drinks, Judy went for the restroom. When she returned, we sipped from our sodas and made small talk while waiting for the food.

When the food came, we talked more and the topics shifted a little. To my surprise, Judy began asking me questions about my job. That had always been a taboo; she was not interested in the lowlifes with whom I spent my day. Now I was to tell her of my parolees. It was clear that Judy had sought advice from somebody. The advice had probably been to show interest in my work and to find out about that side of me. I realized it was good advice, and I asked questions in return. I knew a bit more about Judy's department at Montgomery Savings and Loan having attended a number of Christmas parties there.