Chapter 32: Somebody Deserving

Late summer 1868

Even in the aftermath of the Crewes trial, life at Heyworth House continued to be exciting. Priscilla was – at least for the moment – a person of public interest, and a number of newspaper reporters visited to interview her. Melissa Martin produced a photographic portrait of her which sold well to newspapers and even to private persons.

Priscilla received those visitors at Heyworth House pending a complete renovation of Hamilton Crewes' house on Talavera Square, and she apologised to Jim and Rose for the constant stream of visitors. Jim and Rose bore that burden with patience. If anything, the excitement helped to carry Rose over the last weeks of her pregnancy.

Nevertheless, Priscilla was uneasy around Rose feeling her conscience nagging. After all, she had left her friends in favour of Crewes, and she was aware that Rose had not taken that lightly. It took two weeks for Priscilla to realise that Rose was indeed over their affair, and that she now saw it as a past episode in their lives. Priscilla was not sure whether to be relieved or hurt over her friend's change of heart, and one evening when they were sitting alone, she spoke up.

"Rose, dear, something is on my mind. You have both been so loyal and helpful during my trial that I hesitate to bring it up, but..."

"Speak up, darling!" Rose encouraged her.

"Oh, well! When I told you and Jim that I could not be part of your marriage, you seemed devastated. I felt terrible then doing that to you. Now I cannot help but sense that your feelings for me have ... I don't know ... waned?"

Rose patted the free seat on the sofa that she sat on, and Priscilla obediently sat at her friend's side.

"Cilla, what we had was wonderful, but it was not meant to be. It was not fair to you, and after a while I saw the underlying reason for your decision. I also saw that I had placed you above my husband for a while, and that was wrong of me. I still love you dearly, but Jim owns my heart. When I learned of my pregnancy this became very clear to me. Having first Raven and then Mandy around me again also helped me to put things into perspective."

"So I was a transient infatuation for you?" Priscilla asked, her voice a little laced with hurt.

"There is nothing transient about my feelings for you," Rose assured her. "I will always cherish the memory of those nights we spent together, and so will Jim. I would not even be averse to a repeat now and then, but I don't feel the need for it anymore. You see, I saw myself obligated to share Jim with you. You were so unhappy, so alone, and I was so lucky. I did not realise that I was holding you back from your own pursuit of happiness."

"What made you change your views?"

"Being with child. I carry Jim's child. I could never give up Jim for you, even if he agreed, and that would always leave your dreams unfulfilled. Cilla, you have to find your own happiness. I can help you and support you, but it cannot be Jim with whom you can find it."

Priscilla squinted at her friend. "You mean to say that... ?"

"Find somebody you can love and claim for yourself," Rose answered. "Get to know him well to avoid another unpleasant surprise. Show your true self to him so he won't be disappointed either."

Priscilla made a face. "What makes you so wise? You have been lucky meeting Jim."

Rose grinned smugly. "I know that. I am not wise either. I just wish for you to meet a man who will treasure the Cilla we know and love, not the public facade you project."

Priscilla nodded slowly. "There is something in that. I'll give it some thought."

°°°

Ned and Amanda had returned to Peterborough to claim their new home. For Jim this meant that he had to visit his club alone again. This was where he met important contacts, heard of investment opportunities, and caught up on the male side of London's gossip mill.

He was sitting in the reading room studying The Times and enjoying a cup of the club's excellent coffee when somebody approached him. Jim looked up to see Mr. Barstow. He folded the newspaper and rose.

"Good morning, Mr. Barstow!"

"And a good morning to you, Mr. Tremayne. I am sorry for interrupting your reading, but would it be possible to have a private talk with you?"

"Certainly!" Jim answered genially pointing at the chair next to his. "Why don't you have a seat?"

"Thank you, Mr. Tremayne," Barstow answered sitting down.

One of the club's waiters showed and Barstow ordered a cup of tea. He seemed a bit hesitant at first, but then he seemed to make up his mind.

"I was wanting to ask you, Mr. Tremayne, what your relationship with Lady Crewes is. I am not asking out of idle curiosity either. I harbour a sincere interest in Lady Crewes. However, I was misled once by a woman and I wish to avoid a similarly unpleasant experience."

Jim could not help but clear his throat and he pondered the request.

"My relationship with Lady Crewes is complicated to say the least."

"I gathered that much. Let me also assure you that anything you will say will be treated in the utmost confidentiality."

"Well, if you insist. I met Priscilla Bywater at the New Year's Ball at Lord Lambert's country seat in Berkshire. I was a freshly commissioned captain in the 13th Light Dragoons and I owed the invitation to being the son of a neighbour. Miss Bywater was there with her widowed father. I was able to secure two dances with her, and by the time the second dance ended I had fallen in love."

Jim smiled with the memory.

"She was everything of which a young man could dream. Young, pretty, vivacious, and the heiress to a sizeable property I should add for the sake of honesty. She was obviously not averse to my advances, and over the following year I saw her whenever possible. We found that we were compatible on almost all issues. The only problem was her father who did not see me as the best opportunity his daughter could have. In the end, he relented however, and on the next New Year we announced our engagement.

"Mr. Bywater attended that ball with a very beautiful woman, an actress, and his infatuation with her may have had something to do with his grudging approval of my person. Be that as it may, come the spring the 13th was ordered to the Crimea. Priscilla's miniature image was what kept me going for the months to follow, and when I was wounded at Balaclava, her face was my last conscious thought.

"Alas, when I returned as an invalid, I had to learn that she had broken our engagement in favour of a fellow officer, Lucius Marsden-Smith, who had stayed behind with the depot troops."

Jim looked up when the waiter appeared with Barstow's tea. Barstow took a sip and set down the cup.

"Pray continue, Mr. Tremayne, if the memory is not too unsettling."

"I have had enough time to get over it," Jim answered with a wry smile. "Anyway, I was devastated and disappointed at Priscilla, and I felt hatred at Marsden-Smith for poaching on my bride while I was risking my life in the Queen's service. I quit the regiment, and on the same day I insulted Marsden-Smith. As expected he issued a challenge. A day after that, Priscilla showed up at my father's house trying to forestall the duel. I know now that she was mortified over the possibility that I might be killed over her, but I was too vengeful to hear her out. One word led to another, and she left in tears.

"Suffice to say I bested Marsden-Smith in the ensuing duel. He even breached the rules of engagement, ruining his reputation in the process. I left England shortly after. I felt I had nothing to hold me back, and I took a ship for Boston. Over the following years, I plied the trades of a wagoner and a guard on the wagon trains heading for the wilderness of Oregon. The hard work, the deprivations, the dangers, everything worked together to give me back my balance. Then, it was in '59, we heard of gold finds on the South Platte river. With two friends I raced there to stake a claim. Mr. Thrush – you met him at my house – and I were lucky. The claim was a good one and yielded us sizeable returns. In '61 I met my wife at a place called Fort Laramie where my partner and I were provisioning. She and my partner's wife returned to the diggings with us, and over the next two years we struck a major gold vein. In 1863, we formed a mining company with two more partners, and by 1865 my wife and I decided to return to England.

"It was on the New Year's Eve of '65 that I saw Priscilla again. She was indeed married to Marsden-Smith who had managed to ruin not only his reputation, but also his body and his inherited property. On Lord Lambert's urging, we settled our differences, but a day later, he died from a fall in his home leaving his wife almost destitute.

"Strange as it seemed, my wife and Priscilla took a liking to each other and even developed a deep friendship. In turn, I learned that what I had viewed as Priscilla's betrayal had been the result of a bald-faced extortion on the part of Marsden-Smith and his father. They even had her father thrown into the debtor's prison to break her will. Learning of all this, I forgave her entirely. After all, I had benefited immensely from the break-up being now married to a wonderful wife and being rich beyond any hopes I ever had. Priscilla and I rebuilt our relationship as a friendship.

"Then, last year, she twice saved my wife's life. Once when my wife contracted a severe pneumonia Priscilla saw to it that she received treatment and watched over her for three days and nights. Then, last fall, when that man Moore broke into my house, ... Oh well, you know about that."

"During that last year, Priscilla lived as a member of our household. She and my wife developed into the closest of friends, and I discovered that she still holds a small part of my heart. Let us leave it like this."

"Priscilla realised the dangers of our growing affection, and she broke away from us to pursue her happiness with Crewes. When that went sour, she moved in with us again, but I assure you that the relationship is now nothing but a deep friendship and nothing that should deter a serious suitor."

Jim stopped his narration and looked at Barstow. The man was digesting the information he had just received. In the end he nodded as if satisfied.

"I have to thank you for indulging my curiosity so openly, Mr. Tremayne. You have a very high opinion of Lady Crewes?"

"The highest. She is warm hearted, loyal, and blessed with a sharp mind. She has her opinions, but she is never opinionated. Given her history, she reacts strongly to disloyalty, but that should be understood."

"Yes, that is my own impression too," Barstow said with a wry smile. "It is an attitude that I share. If you were to hazard a guess, do you believe that the lady might hear my suit?"

Jim allowed himself a smile. "This is not for me to answer. All I can say is that without asking you will never know. I believe that she enjoys your calls."

"That is also my impression. I am not very experienced in this, however, and I fear that I might misconstrue something that is mere gratitude for the assistance I rendered her."

"My dear Mr. Barstow, gratitude or rather appreciation plays a role in most successful marriages. We give and we take – first material things, then trust and then affection. She knows and appreciates your gentlemanly conduct. I can think of worse foundations for a blossoming romance. If you feel appreciation for her too, you must let her know this. She is her own person. She will not take another husband who does not value her."

Barstow nodded to that and even smiled.

"You have given me ample fodder for thought but also hope, Mr. Tremayne. I take it that you hold your own wife in high esteem?"