Chapter 31

Abigail opened the door to the restaurant and let her eyes adjust to the change in light. She did a quick scan of the interior and saw Tammy getting her kids situated in their high chairs. Seeing the common domestic occurrence filled Abigail with two strong emotions: pleasure at seeing an apparently happy Tammy tending to her three little children, and sadness that her own reproductive system continued to fail her. Once again, she shoved her own selfishness inside a little mental box and let the happy feelings suffuse.

She moved over to the little family.

"Tammy!" she exclaimed happily. "Your kids are adorable!"

Tammy beamed at the praise. "Thanks. They can be little stinkers when they want to be, but for the most part they are sweet as can be." She turned to the triplets, and rubbed the back of the closest child, who happened to be chattering at her siblings. "This noisy one is Lindsey, our social director. Her sister, Laurie, is the quiet thinker. And Chance does whatever they want him to do."

The two ladies took their seats and fell easily into casual conversation. Abigail had asked Tammy to lunch because she wanted to thank her one more time for all her help over the last several weeks. They'd talked at least three times a week, and while the purpose of the calls was to relay information back and forth to Brianna and Allison, the conversations gradually became friendlier and covered more personal subjects. Abigail truly felt that Tammy had become a cherished friend.

The lunch was very pleasant. Abigail was enthralled with the dynamics of the triplets. They were each so unique, and Tammy did a wonderful job of helping their uniqueness shine through. Eventually, the kids began to get restless. Abigail knew the lunch would need to wind down.

She waited until Tammy finished cleaning up her children and then reached and took her hand.

"Tammy, I can't tell you how much we appreciate all you did for us," Abigail said, tears welling in her eyes. "Without you and Brianna, I'm not sure we'd be where we are today. I'm not sure how we could ever repay you."

Tammy appeared emotional at Abigail's statements. "Abbie, please. You don't need to thank me." She wiped her face with her free hand as she squeezed Abigail's with the other. "I'm just glad I could help in some way. I can't imagine being unable to be with the ones you love."

Abigail felt a couple of tears spill over. "That's the other thing. Thank you so much for not passing judgment on us, on our unusual relationships. That may have been the most incredible thing you did for us."

"You know, I probably should be thanking you, too," Tammy replied. "Brianna and I had been drifting apart for the last few years. Your willingness to open up to us about your relationship with Allison really paved the way for us to begin repairing ours."

Abigail raised an eyebrow at the implied relationship between the Rawlings sisters. Tammy caught the look and blushed.

"No, um, not like that," she said with a chuckle. "I mean, we talked about that, but knew pretty quickly that it wasn't for us. What I mean is, we have talked—really talked—and spent more time together in the past few weeks than we did probably the whole last year. Before, the relationship was just kind of superficial, you know? Now..." She shrugged. "Anyway, I'm just glad that things are working out all the way around."

Tammy began removing Laurie from the high chair, so Abigail helped with Lindsey. The little precocious almost-two-year-old flashed Abigail a face-splitting smile, which Abigail returned.

"So, do you and Dex plan to have more children?" she asked as she set the tyke on the floor and watched her scamper towards the door.

"Lindsey!" Tammy called, trying to get her daughter's attention before she got too far. The girl stopped and grinned at the two older ladies occupying a nearby table. Tammy pulled Chance from his chair and set him on his feet next to Laurie. "Hold hands," she told the two, and then turned to Abigail with a smile. "When we got married, we had this perfect plan. Wait three years, have our first, wait two years, have our second. If we didn't have one of each sex, wait two years and have a third, then stop regardless. Didn't quite work out that way. We got married and got all three kids 18 months later."

Abigail felt the mental box containing her self-pity begin to open, but she tamped it down. "You do so well with them," she said. "You could easily handle another one or five."

Tammy shook her head. "Un-uhn. One maybe. Five? Not in the plan." She chuckled again. "Not that things seem to go according to plan all that often."

Abigail smiled outwardly at that remark, but inside her, the box burst open in an explosion of self-pity. True, she thought sadly. Even the best-laid plans are fragile.

Allison tried to stifle her yawn, but despite her efforts, it forced its way out. She smiled when she heard another yawn from the student across the table from her, then a third yawn from the student standing at the book shelves behind her. Contagious yawning.

After all the excitement of the previous night, she finally crawled into bed with her lovers at about 3:30 that morning. Her drive to take Melissa and Stephen home had been painfully silent. Her feelings toward Melissa were more pity than anger. With Stephen, she just felt wounded. Despite what had been said about his involvement, she still couldn't understand how he could get caught up in this. She dropped him off first and he frantically exited the car without a word. When they pulled in front of Melissa's house, Allison finally broke the silence.

"Melissa?"

Her teammate froze with her hand on the door handle. "What?" she said tersely.

"You might be interested to know that I'm moving this summer," Allison replied, watching for any reaction from the other girl. There wasn't any, so she continued. "Anyway, I guess that starting spot is yours to lose next year."

Melissa sat still for another few moments. "Yeah," she said quietly. Then she opened the door and was gone.

Now, after hours to contemplate the situation, Allison still just really pitied the girl.

Allison took a break from studying to glance around the quiet confines of the University library. She squeezed her eyes shut and then opened them in an attempt to shake off their blurriness. She'd missed her jog that morning and would have been content to stay in bed all day, but Jack cruelly pulled her out of bed by her ankle promptly at 7:30.

A quick shower and cup of coffee, and she and Jack were off to the campus. Jack had two finals, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, as well as a visit with a professor on a final class project. In between those, he planned to join her to study.

Allison pulled her feet from sandals and stretched and curled her toes on the carpet beneath the table. She'd opted for low rise jeans and a baby tee that showed just a hint of skin when she lifted her arms above her shoulders. She wore no makeup and used a scrunchy to pull her straight, long brown hair into a ponytail. Casual sandals completed her look, which pretty much matched that of 75% of the female population she saw meandering the campus. To everyone in the library, she probably just looked like another exhausted coed cramming for finals, which she guessed wasn't that far off base. She was studying for finals, even if they were for high school.

She already had to fend off several guys that day. One sitting across from her early that morning asked if she wanted to go with him to get some coffee—his treat. She politely declined. Another guy waited until Jack's late morning study session ended and he was heading off to visit his professor before zeroing in on Allison and asking to sit beside her to study. A quick glance at the sparsely populated room and dozens of empty seats told Allison all she needed to know. She shrugged and pointed to the seat, which he eagerly filled. After about 15 minutes of attempting to draw her out in conversation, receiving short, cursory answers, he obviously caught on that she was actually there to STUDY. He left with hardly a word just a few minutes after his last advance fell flat.

The final guy didn't even attempt to be chivalrous. He just plopped down next to her and dropped some line about him fulfilling her fantasies. Right about that moment, Jack rounded the corner across the room.

"See that guy?" Allison asked, pointing to Jack, who had not yet noticed Allison's admirer.

"Yeah? What about him?" the guy asked. He seemed to sit up straighter and puff his chest out.

"Well, he fulfilled my fantasies yesterday, and the day before that and the day before that and ... well I think you get the idea."

Right then Jack looked up and smiled at Allison. If he was wary of the guy sitting next to Allison, it didn't show. He came around the table.

"Hey, babe," he said happily. Then he leaned in to give her a kiss. Allison, very aware of their audience, put her hands on his face and turned up the heat until Jack had to pull away, his face flushed. He shook off his daze and his patented lazy smile crossed his face. "Who's your friend?" he asked as he sat across the table from Allison.

Allison looked at the guy, whose gaze was focused intently on Jack. "I, uh, I was just leavin'..." he stammered, his bravado suddenly gone. With a nod of his head to Jack and Allison, he retreated.

That last interaction had happened just before lunch and now Jack was off taking his second final of the day. Allison looked at the clock. It was a little before 3:00. He said he'd be back around 3:45 or so, since he figured he'd be done early. She couldn't imagine a three hour final. Just the thought made her cringe. Still, from what little she'd seen about college life from her perch in the library, she could sense an energy and vibrancy that was lacking in high school. Truthfully, she couldn't wait to be a regular in the college crowd.

She was sure her three male admirers had something to do with why she looked at college life with such anticipation, even if she had no interest in those guys. The attention was flattering if nothing else.

"Is this seat taken?"

Allison glanced up and into the eyes of yet another guy. She watched as his eyes scanned down her body before coming rest on her eyes.

"Feel free," she replied, then turned her eyes back to her book.

OK. The attention was flattering AND slightly annoying.

Bill quietly flipped through his Bible. Sharon watched him nervously, wondering just what was going through the older man's mind. He stopped on a particular page and scanned it. Then he looked up at Sharon, the look in his face one of gentleness.

The pair spent the first 15 minutes of their visit in casual conversation. However, it was quickly apparent that both seemed distracted by the real reason for her visit: the unusual relationship between her daughters and Jack, and, while Sharon was loathe to admit it, the unfulfilling marriage she found herself in.

"Sharon," Bill began quietly. "I've pondered on our previous discussion in great deal during the last week or so. As a matter of fact, I've pondered on your children since I met with Allison all those weeks ago."

Sharon felt a moment of shame, thinking about her failure as a mother that had led them to this point. She looked down into the cup of tea in her hands, but said nothing.

Bill was quiet for a long moment before resuming. "I've mostly pondered on how to address the issues with you in a way that would be understood." He leaned forward and placed his hand on Sharon's knee to get her attention. "Sharon, what I'm going to say is, well, somewhat unconventional, and I don't speak these things lightly without much prayer and contemplation and study."

Sharon looked at him now, somewhat taken by surprise by his statement. "I ... uh..." she stammered, somewhat confused.

Bill scrunched his face up in thought as he leaned back in his chair. "You realize that what we discuss here is private between you and me. I will never reveal anything we discuss, nor will I reveal any instruction or counsel I give without express consent from you. And even then I would likely not divulge the contents of our discussion. While, you are under no such obligation—you are free to share with whomever you want whatever you like from our visits—I do urge you to use discretion with what you share. There are those who may not be as ... prepared ... to hear what I have to say."

Now Sharon was not only confused, but extremely intrigued. Her nervousness was temporarily forgotten. She nodded. "I ... I understand. But you really feel I'm prepared to hear what you have to say?"

"I think you desperately need to hear what I have to say." Bill held the Bible out to her. "Please, read the marked verses from Matthew."

Sharon took the book, and began to read. "'But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together. Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

"'Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.'"

She wondered why Bill was sharing this particular scripture. She memorized these common verses as a young girl and had heard them many times over the years. There hardly seemed to be any new insight to be gained.

"Sharon, while we talk here today, you remember these verses, specifically that the most important commandment is the commandment to LOVE." A sudden flash of sadness passed quickly across Bill's face. "Unfortunately, that simple four-letter word, which is the basis for ALL of God's law, is so easily forgotten or ignored.

"Let me ask you a question. Who does God love?"

Sharon was confused at the direction this conversation was going, but trusted Bill enough to go with it. "Well, I've always assumed he loved everyone."

"Even those who don't believe in Him? Even those who actively blaspheme His name?"

"Well, I would suppose so. I don't imagine He stops loving us. He may be disappointed and He may need to punish us for our misdeeds, but he doesn't stop loving us. We're his children."

Sharon thought about her answer. Was that what Bill was driving towards? That God hadn't stopped loving her, even though she had let those carnal images of Allison and Jack run free in her mind, even though she was failing as a mother and wife? The thought was somewhat settling, and it was one that she truly believed, even now as she struggled with feelings of worthlessness.

When Bill spoke, however, he went down a different path. "So you are telling me that God's love is unconditional and that His capacity to love is infinite?"

Sharon thought for a second and then nodded. "I guess I am."

"Do you really believe that, Sharon?" Bill asked firmly.

"Yes, I do."

"Are you created in God's image?"

Sharon hesitated, a small realization beginning to dawn. "Yes, I am."

"Is your love unconditional?"

"Well, I..." She stammered. She wasn't quite sure how to answer that.

"Let me ask it a different way," Bill said, noticing her hesitation. "Have you stopped loving your daughters because they have chosen a path that is contrary to your personal beliefs?"

"No. Of course not."

"Have you stopped loving Brad because he said cruel and hurtful things to you and about you?"

Sharon felt the light inside her begin to swell as the dawning gave way to enlightenment. "No. I love all my children, regardless of the choices they make. I may be sad or hurt by those choices, but I'll never stop loving them."

Bill smiled. "In that way, you sure seem to have a divine love, a Christlike love."

Sharon blushed a little and looked back into her tepid cup of tea.

Bill folded his hands in his lap. "Why is it so hard to believe, given that the love you wield is divine in one sense, that the love you wield is incapable of complete divinity?"

Again, Sharon felt a light blink on. Bill smiled again at the look in her eyes.

"Sharon, do you believe that your capacity to love is infinite? Did you love Abigail less when Analise was born?"

Of course! Bill was trying to tell her that we have the capacity to love more than one person! What a concept! A few questions, however, clouded things for her. She was so astonished at what Bill was alluding to, as well as how much sense it made, that she didn't even think twice to ask. There was no embarrassment or internal conflict with her thoughts.

"But aren't there different kinds of loves, Bill? I mean, it's one thing for a parent to love all their children in that nurturing, protecting, providing sort of way. But romantic love for more than one person ... at the same time? It's ... it's just not right." She glanced up at him. "Is it?"

Bill opened his arms in question. "Why not?"

"Well, I mean. I, uh ... that's just the way it is."

"Because God said so, or because for some reason man said so?" Bill raised an eyebrow. "How do we explain how Abraham, Jacob, Isaac, David, Solomon and so many others had more than one wife or more than one lover? And yet they were still God's chosen people. We always pass it off by saying that was just their culture then. So when did culture—i.e. MAN—begin dictating to God what was right and what was wrong?"

Sharon sat back in shock. "Are ... are you saying that it's OK for both Allison and Abigail to be in love AND intimately involved with Jack? That it's OK for anyone to do this, just to have free reign to enter into whatever relationships they want, regardless of consequences?"

Bill shook his head. "In answer to your first question, maybe. As for the second question, of course not. For the sake of emotions and feelings, for stability in society, man must put in laws, traditions, customs that govern and keep things orderly. These same statutes wouldn't be necessary if man wasn't so carnal and selfish. If all men adhered to God's law to LOVE, we wouldn't have to take it upon ourselves to dictate what can and can't be done because we would always have others' best interests at heart."

"Then how do you know when it's OK and when it's not OK, if we don't put rules and laws in place?"

"If Abigail, Allison and Jack feel their relationships are right for THEM, and if they aren't hurting others by their actions, who are we to judge them according to our own beliefs. We may insist that such an arrangement isn't right for us, but maybe it is right for them."

With a shaky hand, Sharon lifted her teacup and took a drink. The tepid tea made her grimace, so she put the cup and plate on the table. "I don't know if I can believe that, Bill. How do your other parishioners feel about this ... this concept?"

A brief moment of uncertainty crossed the pastor's face. "Truthfully," he said. "This isn't a dogmatic belief I usually share with my congregation as a whole."

Sharon's eyebrow raised, but said nothing.

"I would imagine for most people, the response would be similar to yours or considerably more pessimistic." Bill took a deep breath. "I'm an old man, Sharon. I've been doing this for more than 40 years. I've studied, pondered and prayed for decades. I've seen and heard just about everything from those who seek my counsel. Some situations can easily be resolved by traditional guidance. Some folks can be placated or directed by conventional doctrine. I've seen how conservative Christian doctrines can save marriages and ... and lives. However, I've also seen how that same conservative doctrine can stunt learning and breed intolerance. I told you earlier that my counsel and instruction on your situation was unconventional up here." Bill tapped his head to emphasize his point. "But in here," he continued fervently as he placed his hands on his chest, "it's no less true to me than any Christian belief."

Sharon stared at Bill for several long moments, looking at his wise face but not really seeing him. She was trying to digest his words. What he said made sense, on many levels. But her engrained beliefs refused to let go without a fight. "But what about marriage," she said quietly. "And, of course, the ... the ... you know ... the incest." She blushed as for the first time she verbally acknowledged to another person that what Abigail and Allison were doing constituted that particular societal taboo.

Bill shrugged. "Who declares two people married? A person approved and appointed by man? Or God? Does God need to have a manmade ceremony and man's signature to solemnize a marriage?"

Sharon opened her mouth to speak, but realized she couldn't refute this logic. She could recall no instance where the scriptures stated that a formal ceremony needed to take place for a marriage to occur.

"As for Allison and Abigail," Bill said. "What I see is one person loving another. It just so happens that the persons in question are both women and sisters at that. It doesn't make the love any less real or any less right. Remember, divine love is unconditional."

Her mind was reeling. In this short visit, Bill had reduced a large section of Sharon's belief structure to a pile of rubble. She didn't know whether to thank him or curse him. She would have to think things over before she could accept all he had said.

Two things were sure, however. One: no matter what, she would never stop loving her children. And two: if Ted learned that Bill not only believed this way but that he was openly counseling members of the congregation with this ... doctrine, her husband would pursue any means necessary to remove the pastor from his position.

"Ted would be livid if he heard your counsel to me," Sharon quietly voiced that second thought. She refused to look into Bill's eyes to gage his reaction to her comments. However, when a sad sigh escaped him, she glanced up.

"Yes, I know," Bill replied, resolutely. "He would never stand for it."

"That's it, Jack. Harder. She likes it harder. Give it to her."

Abigail let her head roll back and forth between Allison's breasts. Her sister's words just heightened the intensity of feelings inside her. She felt consumed with sensation. Allison was leaning back against the headboard of the bed, and Abigail was lying with her back against Allison's front, her head resting on Allison's chest. Allison had her arms under Abigail's. Her hands were cupping Abigail's large breasts, massaging, pinching, pulling on the massive globes and hardened nipples.