Chapter 3

“With all the shark attacks, you should shut the beaches down, mister mayor.”

“No, we’re a summer tourist town. We need summer dollars. If the people can’t swim here, they’ll spend their money somewhere else.”

“That doesn’t mean we have to serve the sharks a goddamn smorgasbord!”

What’s a Spielberg? A movie called ‘Jaws’? Dammit! Hmmmm ... how about...

“The recently single women drank wine and chatted about what a perfect man would be. ‘Somebody with brains who you could talk to, and with a big hard schlong. Hehehe!’

‘Somebody nice that you could like, and with a little one. Big um, penises intimidate me. They can hurt, you know.’

‘How about with a nice, veiny, medium dong? A handsome and horny dark prince... ‘

Witches of where? Cher? Jack who? Grrr...

“The combat android easily could have killed him, but instead sat down with a menacing grin on its face. It turned toward the badly injured veteran cop. As its life slowly faded away, the menacing warrior android declared; ‘I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, even c-beams glittering in the dark, near Tanhauser gate. Soon, when I’m gone, all those memories will be lost; like tears in the rain. Time ... to die.’ His corpse slumped forward...

Ridley Scott? Blade Runner? – SIGH –

I guess if all else fails, I’ll write about my strange first-ever date...

“It was only the fifth or sixth time my step-sister Mirabelle and I had been to a tavern. Mom and Peanuts sat, and Miri hopped up onto the stool next to Mom, leaving Lauren and I the two seats at the end of the bar. I was quite happy to sit between the sexy bleach-blonde and the wall. Peanuts told the bartender, “A couple glasses and a pitcher of PBR for us, and whatever the kids want.”

He and Mom lit cigarettes as my naughty little sister slyly ventured, “A beer glass for me, too. I want to try it.”

Mom scowled and overruled her, “Nope! Orange soda for her, and Wally likes root beer.”

Lauren said, “I’ll have a bottle of Miller and a pack of Salem 100s, please.” The bartender knew Mom and Peanuts well, and that Lauren was still in high school. He skeptically looked at Peanuts, who casually said, “It’s okay. She’s eighteen.”

The bartender didn’t even ask to see her ID. Back in ‘78 the alcohol and tobacco age limits were 18, but rarely enforced. Smoking indoors was banned pretty much everywhere in the late 90’s, but that night nearly every adult in the bar held a cigarette. Teachers didn’t even care much if high school kids smoked in the bathrooms or outside between classes.

The barkeep set our drinks in front of us, along with bowls of popcorn for everybody but Peanuts, who ordered a bag of peanuts. It must have been a horrendous nickname for him in high school, but even he joked about it now. Miri kept trying to get involved in Peanuts and Mom’s conversation. They smoked and drank as they talked about Mom’s broken-down car, and how she could get it fixed. They ignored my sister as she kept asking about getting a kiddie pool for our yard and going to a sci-fi movie she wanted to see, ‘Star Farts’ or something.

I was more than happy to stare at sexy Lauren. She lit a cigarette and blew smoke rings between sips from her beer. She was two years older than I, and so enticingly mature! The way she drank beer and licked the top after each sip made me envy the bottle. We didn’t talk much, but smiled and looked each other over. When we finished our first round, she looked at the bartender, holding up her empty bottle and two fingers. I was happy but nervous, when he gave each of us cold bottles of Miller. I didn’t like the taste, but was happy to feel like a grown-up as I drank it.

Lauren said in my ear, “They’re distracted and won’t see you. Try one.” She held two long white cigarettes between her lips and lit them, then passed me one. I coughed a little, but inhaled a few times. I tried to blow smoke rings, but it didn’t work. Lauren rested a hand on my thigh and said, “No, like this.” She showed me how, and on my final puff I managed to make a few. She asked, “Do you like smoking?”

In the bar mirror I could see my face was an odd color. I was nauseous and a little dizzy, but pushed myself to say, “Yeah. It’s kinda fun.”

“Cool.” She lit another and took a deep drag, then kissed me and blew smoke in my mouth. I coughed again, making her giggle. Seeing her smile warmed my heart, and my groin.

The only entertainments in the bar were a jukebox, pinball machine, and a couple of pool tables in a room off to the side. After we’d all finished three drinks and gone to the bathroom, Miri complained and asked Peanuts, “I’m bored. Can I get some dimes?” He reached into his pocket and handed her several. The relatively quiet bar was soon filled with noises from the pinball machine as she played. All the other pinball machines in town and the only two arcade video games, at the bowling alley, required quarters.

Mom leaned over and whispered in Peanuts’ ear. He loudly said, “The Fullmers are kinda wild. You should ask them.” He pointed to a couple sitting at a small table. Mom walked over to them, and Mr. Fullmer squeezed Mom’s boob through her dress with his wife watching! Ms. Fullmer talked with Mom a bit, kissed her cheek, then rested a hand on her knee!

I wondered why the blonde couple were “Mister and Miss Fullmer.” People were weird sometimes, but she wore lots of makeup and lots of jewelry, and I thought she was quite pretty for around thirty.

Lauren asked, “Shane’s here. Wanna to play pool?” I turned and saw my best friend walk in with his Mom and little brother Donny, who sat at the bar by Peanuts. I smiled and answered, “Sure!” I was surprised and jealous that she walked over to Shane and blew smoke in his mouth. He coughed, then smiled. After my first pair of beers and first three cigarettes, my balance was quite wonky. Lauren held both our hands and led us to the pool room, as I jealously clenched my jaw. Shane and I were suddenly romantic rivals, instead of best buddies.