Chapter 16

There are some things in life that are inexplicable. Supervisory Special Agent Jonathon Johnson was one of those recurring and unexplainable instances of my laughable existence. Perhaps it was karma. More likely it was the luck of a fool. And I was the fool, or as Romeo said, ‘I am fortune’s fool’. But, unlike Romeo, I didn’t have to kill anyone to understand this. Hmm, makes me wonder why the few displays of Shakespeare’s shit that I’ve seen never had no hot women with decent tits. Whatever.

“You lurking outside her office for some reason?”

“I heard shouting, and stood by as a precaution. Nothing said in that office will be repeated, unless you give me a reason to repeat what was said. Are you okay, Mark?”

“I’m fuckin wonderful, Special Agent Johnson ... Jonathon, how long ya been married?”

“Sixteen years this November.”

“She ever give you a reason to mistrust her, or doubt her?”

“I have severe doubts of her driving skills, but otherwise, I have never had a reason to mistrust or doubt my wife. Do you have a point with these questions?”

“Nah. Just that I’m a fool with a piss-poor woman-selection skill set.”

“How long were you in a relationship with Diane Santiago?”

“Uh, maybe a year, maybe less.”

“Which would not be a reasonable period that would be required to develop more than a basic acquaintance.”

“You think Dianne Santiago is a whack job?”

“I do not. With the singular exception that I am aware of, she has conducted herself with discipline and professionalism.”

“You’ve worked with her?”

“Several times in the previous two years.”

“The singular exception was me?”

“Yes.”

“So I’m the one that is a paranoid whack job?”

“That is not my belief, Mark.”

Well fuck me. Am I ever gonna be right about anything not techy?

“The Information Systems Director awaits, Mark. Shall we go?”

“He’s a certified dickhead. I suppose that you would frown on me punching out the bank’s IS boss?”

“I would.”

“Then, would you shoot him?”

“No.”

“You’re not being much of a friend, Jonathon.”

If he keeps smiling like that, it’s probably gonna break his face.

“The presidential commission has submitted a list of questions and a request for you to appear in front of the group, and the subcommittee.”

“Not gonna happen, dude ... Wait. You sayin that the Bush administration is interested in this shit? An actual fuckin commission for this shit?”

“No. It’s a follow-up from the Reagan administration. The Bush people rubber-stamped its continuation ... But why would you not appear, Mark?”

“Ya know what? You go to this shindig. I, Lord Watson of the Huntington Beach surf zone, hereby annoit you as Subject Matter Expert on Electronic Intrusion. Arise, Sir Jonathon.”

“I think not.”

“Don’t give me that humble bullshit, Sir Jonathon. You’ve asked the right questions for the last three months, you have seen stuff that I didn’t see, and I’ve reviewed your reports to your FBI head cheese. Anyway, I ain’t gonna do shit that’s not in the SOW or the contract.”

“That’s rather mercenary, Mark.”

“Hey, don’t blame me. Capitalism is President Ronnie’s big thing. Fungible and durable money; capital, bucks, yen, won, franc, peso, l’argent, bakish, dinero, shillings...”

“Please, Mark. Shut up.”

“Tell ya what, Sir Jonathon. Come to my room, I’ll give you my lab books, and we’ll go over those questions.”

“If you call me ‘Sir’ once more, I will remove my weapon from the holster and beat you severely with it.”

“That’s FBI humor, right? Sounds a bit too kinky for me, though. So, ya gonna come by tonight? Last chance to ask questions, dude. I’m flying out tomorrow.”

“I will be there. And I will have a backup analyst with me.”

A backup? Probably that pipsqueak analyst that takes notes about anything and everything. That little fucker probably takes notes about his notes. Now there’s an example of a guy that needs to find a decent pair of tits to occupy his spare time.

Really? Dianne Santiago is his ‘backup analyst’? Why not? She has the mind for this shit. Is she carrying? ... Yep. But don’t see no crazy eyes.

“Have a sit people. Pizza is coming. Beer is in the frig.”

“ ... finally, you need to understand the basics of TCP. Nothing new here, the first CERN definition of this protocol was over twenty five years ago. The thing is, we now have commonly-available machines, sitting on many desktops, having kick-ass hardware that can parse the stream and do something useful with it without losing a breath. But here’s where were going get the big weenie rammed right up our dirty bunghole if we don’t get it right the first time, TCP is a stream, a stream without delimiters, there is no concept of packets. The other thing that make Crackers like to tap TCP is that the data stream is, programmaticaly, nothing than writing and reading to a file. Thus, ya gotta do end-to-end encryption for everything, or we’re fucking toast. Any more questions?”

Oh, shit. I know that look. Dianne is gearing up for something weird ... Wonder if her tits are still perfect...

“ ... so is it likely?”

“Huh?”

“How do we actually measure how likely it would be for foreign interests to gain access? While your hardware models are well defined, the software part is confusing. How do we present the code part to lawyers and politicians?”

“Uh, maybe you and Jonathon could just shoot the politicians that are too stupid to understand?”

“Mark!? Answer her question. I had the same thoughts.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get your panties in a wad ... One thing that I have learned from the last two years of consulting, is that most people has a very low capacity for understanding or dealing with uncertainty. People tend to believe something random, like something religious, or some weird-ass conspiracy. People don’t like that some things can’t be immediately known, and managers and bureaucrats will never admit that they can’t know, which is the source of political bullshit. So you gotta bullshit the bullshitters.”

“That’s hardly useful, Mark.”

Not nearly useful as those tits...

“I agree with Dianne, we need a way to qualify and quantify uncertainty.”

“Stats, boys and girls.”

“What?”

“Statistical Analysis 101. If you want me to do the math for ya, I can write something for ya, but you’re hosed if the audience is full of buffoon history and Fine Arts majors. Probabilistic shit is lost on those morons.”

“Mark, take a step back from your engineering mind-set. Let’s get philosophical.”

Yeah, how’s this for zero minus i uncertainty? I have a 100% certainty that I miss getting philosophical with those tits.

“Mark?”

“So admit it, you are asking how to bullshit the bullshitters ... Okay, how’s this? Uncertainty is demanding as it requires you to look at things from multiple perspectives and evaluate all options. As for most idiots, it is less of a mental effort to just select a default reason and hang with it absent of any other rationale. I had a professor tell me that creating a standardized basis for a tribe’s rationale is essential for creating social cohesion in a group; that is, the process of people accepting and repeating others’ ideas. Conversely, a much smaller group, which always remains in the background, will continue to gather more information to support the popular model of thinking. So the concept of probability-based analysis is lost to group rationale. In business settings, I’ve seen educated people repeat the ‘standard’ behavior, and ideas, of the less competent members of the socially-acceptable group. So here’s the executive summary. People are tribal. It’s pretty rare to find someone who acts rationally, enlightened, and educated at all times; this includes my dumb ass.”

“On that depressing note, I will leave this august group. I am flying out on the red-eye. Mark, disregarding any usable empirical measure of said probability, I am certain that we will be working together again. Take care. Diane, I will see you in DC in nine or ten days.”

I should fly out tonight. Pack my trash and vamoose ... Why is she not leaving?

“He is a good man, Mark.”

“Jonathon? Yeah, seems to be a good egg ... I’m gonna fly outa here tonight.”

“I was hoping that we could spend the evening catching up.”

Warning Will Robinson. Not gonna fall for that shit again. Do not look at her chest, asshole. Do not.

“No can do. Gotta get my shit packed. Long flight back.”

“I could go back with you, Mark.’

Say fuckin what? A federal employee, that’s a client, on my airplane? That’s nothing but a good way to get investigated and probed up the ass. What the fuck is wrong with this woman?

“No. Violates the gift clause for federal contractors. You trying to get me thrown in the slammer?”

“Of course not, Mark. I just thought...”

“Diane, when you were a cop, you were always ethical. I admired that about you. You’re fucking up ... I gotta get ready.”

No, the door is the other direction ... What the fuck!? Damn, those tits feel good. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Diane ... I gotta get outa here. Getting late.”

“Riverside Radio, this is Piper four six echo hotel.”

Piper four six echo hotel, this is Riverside Radio. Go ahead.”

“Six echo hotel is forty five east of FUL, as filed. LA approach has gone dark on me.”

“Four six echo hotel, say last instructions. Riverside Radio.”

“Riverside, last was descend and maintain twelve thousand, turn left two four five. I am at one two thousand, on two four five. Six echo hotel.”

“Piper four six echo hotel, standby.”

This is so very not good. Hopefully no one else, other than the big iron, is flying around at zero-dark thirty.

“Four six echo hotel, contact SOCAL approach on one two three three five.”

“SoCal on two three point three five. Six echo hotel, thanks.”

Bet they never passed the slip on from enroute. The assholes forgot the hand-off. Almost ten years since the strike and they’re still fucking up.

“Socal approach, Piper Malibu four six echo hotel at twelve thousand.”

“Piper four six echo hotel, squawk three four nine two.”

“Three four nine two, six echo hotel.”

“Four six echo hotel, altimeter three zero zero four. Descend to eight thousand at pilot’s discretion. Turn right heading three five zero.”

“Down to eight thousand, right to three five zero, have numbers. Four six echo hotel.”

Shit, those assholes are gonna vector me to the ILS at almost a ninety degree angle. And I’m still too fuckin high and fast to intercept the glide-slope from this distance. Getting too close.

“Socal approach, Four six echo hotel. Less than six DME. Request down to four thousand to intercept glide slope.”

“Four six echo hotel, standby.”

Standby!? Shit, this is gonna be one ugly approach. Doc Handron would shit bricks if he saw this...

“Four six echo hotel, turn left heading two five zero. Maintain two thousand until established on the localizer. Cleared ILS approach runway six.”

“Left to two five zero to intercept. Two thousand until established, cleared for zero six approach. Six echo hotel.”

This is gonna be a wild midnight ride. Good thing I don’t have a pax. They’d be puking about now ... Hope the lights are working.

“Socal approach, runway in sight. Six echo hotel.”

“Four six echo hotel, cleared for visual.”

“Approach, cleared for visual. Please cancel IFR flight plan. Six echo hotel. Good night.”

Fuck it. A few more clicks, get those lights turned all the way up.

“Fullerton traffic, Piper four six echo hotel on two mile final. Full stop.”

Yee ha, gonna be at least 85 over the fence. Fuck the noise restriction.

“Mark, Do not do that again.”

“Yes, mommy.”

“I am serious. You put in a twelve-hour day, then you spent the night flying back. If you don’t kill yourself, you may break your million-dollar airplane.”

“It’s not a million. That’s the price for a new one.”

“You are evading my point. You could kill yourself. There are four other people depending on you; not to mention these two.”

“Well, at least for my furbags, I will be more cautious.”

Damn. She needs set her ass back down and relax. Maybe she’s the one that should take some time off? Maybe we all should.

“So what’s the schedule look like?”

“The two Cherokee test stacks are built. They will go down to Santa Ana the next day or tomorrow. Use your truck?”

“You have the keys. Go for it. Just don’t let Nyota drive.”

“You are not funny. Roger and Suzy will make the delivery.”

“So what’s the latest with the EDS negotiations?”

“I do not like it all all, Mark. Our lawyer agrees that their primary interest is removing us from the market.”

“Makes nada sense. We are not competitors.”

“That is what bothers me. There is something that we are missing. We need to understand what Mister Perot is trying to control.”

“How would our shit affect his government data services business?”

“The lawyer thinks it is more than our intellectual properties. It is you and Bob and the the influences of their principle customers.”

“Donde es Sir Bob?”

“He is flying in tomorrow on Southwest; said he will spend a day or two at the beach before any more work.”

“Sir Bob is a genius. It sounds like a good idea. Why don’t we all head south of the border to Rosarito or K-38 and surf ‘till we puke?”

“And what about your furry guys?”

“Take them with us. We just won’t cross at TJ. It’s easier to bribe the border guards at San Ysidro.”

“You are crazy, Mark ... I’m in. We can go when Bob gets back.”

“What ya gonna do ‘bout your little furbag and Bob’s brat?”

“The neighbor’s kid will feed them. She likes the money you give her. Speaking of the child, why are you ignoring her mother?”

“Yeah, I like the kid. But her mother always bitches about my language and the money I give her. Why the fuck not? She’s a good kid. And she uses the money for cool shit.”

“Video games are ‘cool shit’?”

“Fucking-A, woman ... Let’s get the van packed and ready. I’ll do the truck when our techs get back.”

Damn, love the way her tits bounce when she runs into the surf. What the fuck is Bob doing with the little furbag? Holy shit, she’s actually playing in the water. Nyota is playing in the surf? Way too cool. That’s my little surfer girl ... Geez the other furbag is an idiot. Is he gonna spend all day barking at waves? Why not? He’s a happy camper.

“What we doing for dinner tonight?”

“Dunno. Was gonna fry up the fish with the other shit we got at the market. Gettin hungry?”

“Yes. Is it safe for Nyota to be in the water?”

“The doggo will watch her. Where’s NT and Rog?”

“I warned you about that, Mark.”

“Don’t get those galactic tits in an uproar. I never call her that around anyone else. So where are they?”

“I will guess that they are in the small tent, ‘resting’ from surfing.”

“Yeah? That’s cool. As long as there’s no drama, it’s all good ... Wanna beer?”

“Yes ... Mark, this evening would be a good time to talk about where we are going with the company. We need to be on the same page before the next round of talks with Mister hats. So let’s not be too generous with the beer. Okay?”

“Yeah, whatever. It don’t matter, I can be stupid with or without alcohol. So, gonna guess that Hat’s visit was, uh, ‘interesting’?”

“Very much so.”

“Janice ... I, uh ... You’re a good egg. And you are a kick-ass business manager. Not to mention you are among the hottest women in this arm of the galaxy...”

“Mark? How much have you had to drink? This is very uncharacteristic.”

“Just two beers since noon ... I’ve been thinking. You’ve never gone bat-shit crazy on me. You did throw me a curve ball on Suzy, though. But you are a reliable friend. Just wanted to say thanks for standing by me for the last few years.”

“That’s sweet, Mark. You been a good friend to me. We’ve had problems, but you have always been steadfast. And, likewise, I do thank you. So what brought about this sudden revelation?”

“Dunno. Maybe it’s the first time that we’ve had the chance to zone out and relax. Ya know, zero, absolute nada stress. That, and working with that FBI guy for a few months gave me a lot to think about.”

“And how was it working with Dianne Santiago?”

“Yeah, about that. She still scares the shit outa me. Still don’t feel like I can go to condition four around her.”

“Holy Amanda, mother of Spock! And the lawyer agreed to re-start negotiations at that level?”

“Mark, you have not been in the loop. It os now over thirty five million in principle, where the ‘good will’ is defined per the software engineering support.”