Chapter 11: Aunt Problems

Denise comes to consult with Ella, admitting that she’s having marital problems with Tom.

“For years now, I guess, I’ve known how you and Phil have kept your marriage tight. Sex-wise, that is. Whips and chains, yes?”

“Don’t be silly. If I chained Phil up, how could he chase me around the backyard snorting like a bull? And do I look like Harrison Ford?”

“OK, but isn’t that backwards? He was bruising you, not the other way.”

“You know what? We shouldn’t be talking about me and Phil anyway. It would take lots and lots of words to explain and then afterwards you still wouldn’t understand. Just be reassured. Like I’ve said before, nothing we do is causing any damage, it’s just, um, vigorous play, play-acting. What works for us is almost certainly wrong for you.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, 250% sure.”

“Just tell me what’s going on, Denise. No, sorry, just one thing before that. You and I have each been married more than 25 years. Think about how rare that is. How many people do you know, Denise, who have been married for even ten years? I’m proud that Phil and I have had such a successful marriage and raised great kids.

“You can say the same, can’t you. Before we talk about the bad, we have to respect the good. So tell me why we’re talking, because now I’m imagining all kinds of possible problems.”

“OK. I don’t think Tom is cheating. He’s just, well, he’s preoccupied. And unfortunately, that’s even true in the bedroom. I feel like I need to grab his attention back and have him focus, or he will just keep sawing in and out all night.”

“When did this start?”

“About six months ago.”

“I hate to be all, uh, cheap detective novel on you, but what happened six, seven, eight months ago?”

“Nothing, Ella.”

“Nothing? Are you sure?”

“Hmm. He did get promoted around then. But he doesn’t bring work home from the office. He’s always been good about that. And that shouldn’t be causing changes at home. Right?”

“I don’t know. You tell me. Better yet, ask him.”

“What? ‘Hey, Tom, did that raise you got a while ago make you a dud in the bedroom?’ I’m not going to ask him that. ‘If you get another big raise, will you be too rich to fuck me?’ I don’t think so.”

Ella’s drawn out retort: “You’re hi-lair-ee-us,” followed by, “What I’m suggesting, and what you can ask him about, gently, is are his new responsibilities causing him stress. It seems likely to me that he’s thinking about work at the very times he should be thinking your warm wet pussy. What’s the word, isn’t that plausible?”

“You might be right. I’ll think about it.”

“Of course, I’m right. I’m the big sister and I’m always right.”

At 4:00 on a warm Saturday afternoon five weeks later, Ella answered her door. The only things she had on were some nylon athletic shorts and a sleeveless cotton t-shirt.

“Denise, Tom, what a surprise! I wasn’t expecting you. I see Lisa and Tim behind you. Come in, make yourself at home. So, what’s going on?”

“It’s Official Ella Recognition Day! Phil is in on it, too. We’ve got dinner and a cake for us back in the car.”

“OK, but why?”

“Look at Tom’s face, what do you see?”

“A cute guy with brown eyes and black hair; he’s shaved recently ... What?”

“He’s smiling.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Since our little chat, dear sister, he hasn’t STOPPED smiling. Particularly when he’s chasing my naked ass around our house making wild animal sounds. And it’s all YOUR FAULT.”

Lisa was grinning.

“Tim, I think your grandmother must have been a nudist. Her daughters can’t seem to keep their clothes on!”

“I love my family!” was his response to that. He winked at his mother, out of Denise and Tom’s line of sight.

“And, Mom, we brought a bag, Lisa and I are spending the night with you.”