Paige Hawthorne: Blog

As Long As I Still Have Those Three Readers ...

August 16, 2018
Posted at 11:55 am

I shall continue to ignore the thundering chorus of mainstream readers begging me to stop posting Winter Jennings stories. Suicide threats are no longer effective. Warnings about involuntarily committing the author to a 'more structured setting' … pshaw. (Okay, I did feel a pang of sympathy for the guy who projectile-vomits every time a new Winter story arrives.)

Nevertheless … "Winter's Vengeance" debuted today. The first of sixteen chapters. Voting won't be turned on until about the middle of the story. Sorry, haters. Patience. Although the Comments section is ripe; as is SOL Mail.

No editors were harmed in the creation of this missive. Do not believe any faux claims otherwise. Okay, there was a close call, but he will probably … well, never mind.


P. S. Yes, one of my remaining readers is related to me. So?

The Whole Audience Is Screaming, No Don't Open That Door!

July 1, 2018
Posted at 2:54 pm
Updated: August 16, 2018 - 11:38 am

Too late. Like every doomed chick in every slasher flick (hey, poetry), I clicked the Vote button for "Winter's Chase".

So, loathers, it's your turn in the sunshine. Pretend you're in Chicago -- hate early and often. Assuming Crucifixion pose ...

You're welcome,


Not To Boast ...

June 25, 2018
Posted at 1:46 pm

Sometimes one can't resist blowing one's own horn. Um, no, there are no Walker Jennings auto-fellatio references intended. I hasten that in because some of you low-lifes … well, never mind.

My latest story - "Winter's Chase" - has passed the 5,000 download mark! That is correct; readers have glanced at the story more than 5,000 times. And that doesn't even include those over-the-shoulder Nosy-Parkers.

Okay, locking horn back into cabinet.


Selfless Contributions ...

June 20, 2018
Posted at 5:26 pm
Updated: August 18, 2018 - 5:59 pm

In my never-ending quest to uplift the forum, I've taken it on myself to improve the English language. Academics and professional grammarians will, understandably, be aghast. Or at least disappointed. Probably just bored.

Two examples: hyphenated words and punctuation.

Here's a sentence from a Winter Jennings story I'm currently butchering: 'I was barely aware of the lightly singed scallops.' To me, it's an easier read this way: lightly-singed.

Others: blue-ribbon; ink-on-paper; online-only.

A twist: 'love lotion' can be turned into a verb - 'the volunteer editors merely had to love-lotion a few automobile references in.'

To punctuation … do pay attention, this may well be on the midterms. Or mid-terms.

'Pilar said, "It's time for dinner." Note that the period is inside the quotes mark.

'I was listening to Levon's "Summertime Blues".' Here I placed the period outside - British style. My tortured logic is that the sentence ends not after the 's' but after the quotation mark.

Final example - stop cheering you ingrates - commas. I tend to over-comma because I imagine the practice adds tone and nuance that would ordinarily be conveyed by speech.

'Among the permanent guests, Nature Boy's sister, Edwina Rowbottom, had moved in, full-time, with shy little Wally Maypole.'

Bonus tip - you can also use dashes in place of commas. You're welcome.


Advance Apologies ...

June 17, 2018
Posted at 5:09 pm
Updated: June 26, 2018 - 4:02 pm

Ignoring the ever-rising chorus of "PLEASE, no more Winter Jennings," I've started posting yet another story. Sorry haters … it will be another drip, drip, drip of drivel. Sixteen chapters in all. If I maintain the every-other-day schedule, your misery will be over in about a month.

My po' mouth editors - Thorny, Steven, and Mike - seem no worse for wear. Well, the usual tics, spasms, nightmares. Screams in the night.