FozzieBare: Blog

A while ago, I said that I didn't want to waste people's time with sub-standard work. I don't think that it's sub-standard. That's why I am hitting post on Chapter 11.

However, I felt the content probably needed a blog post because, well, up to now, Free Trader Mary's Dream has been.. for lack of a better word, a bit more light and fluffy, tone wise. Not that horrible things are not discussed, but in the end, there is always a way for heroes to win through.

That is DEFINITELY not the theme of Chapter 11. It is dark, dissonant, and almost nihilist in a way. It features a character resourceful enough in his way to have been a hero under other circumstances. He was trapped by a choice he made without knowing the true cost of what he had done, and the spiral that followed.

It came down to doing the things he needed to stay alive and useful to a Universe. And then what happens when one cannot live with what they have done to take that Universe and change it utterly.

This is NOT going to be how the rest of the series operates. Trust me on that. What it is, is a reminder that no system is perfect. There are people out there who will exploit your Cause to further their unrelated cause. or even use your cause to promote their inherently inimical cause at the expense of yours

There's a saying widely attributed to Edmund Burke: "The only thing necessary for the Triumph of Evil is that good men do nothing".

In short, I wanted this chapter to say that "yes, there are people that are disadvantaged by the system. That yearn to change the system. They may fall to evil, because in their case, good men did nothing." Tomas falls into that category.

No system is perfect.

But that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep striving for it.

edit: A TL'DR summary: This chapter is very dark, true. But that is to highlight the light in the other chapters.

This will be the first chapter of FTMD in some time. It's off to the pre-readers, and I'll give you a bit of a tease.

It's current working title is "Prometheus+Slinger=Ozymandias", and now, it has nothing to do with Breaking Bad.

it also is a very discordant tonal shift from the other chapters. It is the beginning of events that will change the Universe that Mary, Alex and Melissa thought they understood. This chapter does not involve them directly in any way, but it will affect them profoundly.

In a universe where one's belief in the righteousness of one's Cause can justify anything, can one live with what one must do to advance the Cause? And when one's Cause is all consuming, how easy is it for others to manipulate that cause to their own benefit.

As always, I am open to pre-reader requests.

Ok. that's enough attempts at (poorly) writing rhyming.

So, health has it's ups and downs (rhumatoid arthritis flared up, combined with a pinched nerve in the hip, was all kinds of fun), but for once I want to talk about something positive instead of something negative.

And that's the new story I just submitted.

I have had about a dozen false starts over the last couple months, trying to write a story. Both chapters of an existing work, and something new. I am my own worst critic of my writing (as you can probably guess through these blog entries).

I would start to write something, get bogged down in the details, contradict myself a dozen times over, try to edit, and finally just go on a deletion filled rampage and quitting out of frustration.

So, I tried something (k)new with this story.

I didn't think about the story before I put fingers to keyboard. I let the internal editor inside of me go on an extended coffee break, setup a direct line between my brain-muse and my fingers, and started.

At first, this story really worried me. It felt.. raw... emotional. I don't know if it's because of the health issues I've been through, but by the time I got to the end of my main character's written stream of the thought, I dreaded opening that hospital door. In the mindset I've been in, I wondered if the woman/girl on the other side of the door had cheated on him, and now was dying, or what have you.

Instead, it's the exact opposite. It's not the ending of life, it's the beginning. Instead of the hurt of betrayal, it is the confirmation of togetherness.

I think it's good stuff. But there was this whispering voice in my subcocnscious, that was saying "You know this is crap, and you know you can't write well any more".

I sent it to my pre-reader/editor (as I noted previously), and said "I can't tell if it's crap. Let me know what you think."

He liked it.

Not only that, it was the story that he had to do the least amount of editing on recently for me.

So, now I offer it to you guys. I open it up to your comments, good, bad and indifferent. I want to know what you truly think.

The only thing I ask is that you don't judge it solely on it's flash-story length.

While I'm trying to break down the walls that separate me from continuing FTMD, RR etcetera (Basically, there's been about 8 attempts where I've gotten several paragraphs in, or even a couple pages, before self-doubt and frustration and not being able to do work that was up to my self-instutited standards caused me to delete everything, and walk away even more frustrated then when I started.

I couldn't even bother my long-suffering pre-readers, because I KNEW that it was crap, and I didn't want to waste other people's time with writing crap.

Until today, after I posted the earlier update, one of my pre-readers messaged me, and let me know he was glad to see me continuing to fight writer's block. He closed his message with:

"Keep in touch and send me a copy of anything you write. I enjoy proofreading your writing. "

So, I decided to do a challenge. Not a new chapter of an existing story, because I've butted my head into a wall way too many times on that recently, but what I would do is sit down, and write a story where my fingers and brain led me. No spellcheck, no re-reading sections to see where it should go.

Just let my fingers type, let the words flow to the screen, and no judging my own work. So.. that loyal pre-reader now has a copy of a quick story I wrote up. I don't know if it's crap. But I have a feeling if it is, he can tell me how to make it a little less crap.

If it's not crap, I'll share it with the rest of the world.

In short, I'm trying to emulate the "hero" of this cartoon that was shared with me earlier this week.

https://imgur.com/gallery/qw02rv4

No, you haven't got rid of me yet. Things are getting slightly better in some ways, just trying to get back to being able to write a lot.

Speaking of writing, FantasyLover has decided to try to finish Warlord's Scout story. https://storiesonline.net/s/19671/scout-by-fantasylover

And it got me to thinking. While I'm hoping to be around for decades to come, if I'm unable to finish the stories I have going... I want there to be a finish for readers, even if it's not mine. Mary, Alex, Melissa and Arin deserve that. Not to mention Antonia and Matt.

So, should I disappear, and be unreachable, if you want to finish my stories, consider this my approval. And my thanks.

But here's hoping that I can save ya the work :)