Chapter 5

Sunday was pleasant enough but muted. Tina was slightly withdrawn which affected Christopher and therefore had an effect on his family. Ellie took a chance when Sarah had taken Tina off to see the horses before they went to the pub for lunch.

"What happened, Chris?" she asked. "You both seemed so happy yesterday evening."

He told her about his plan and how it had worked. "On Friday Dad was pretty liberal with the booze and she went to bed as soon as she politely could and locked her door. I kept her down to one glass of wine last night and she bubbled away all the way home no doubt helped by meeting Libby. Then, for the first time ever she kissed me, nothing passionate but a warm one, and told me how grateful she was for all I had done for her but that was it, a definite 'That was a one off'."

"Oh, Chris, that's really sad because she's a lovely girl and clearly is very fond of you but she's too hung up about the rape to let it go any further."

He nodded sombrely. "I think I've got to let her go because we're not going to get anywhere as things stand. I'm going to drop taking her to and from work at least until the evenings draw in again. I might offer her the odd concert but that's it. Heads against brick walls but, oh Ellie, it's going to be painful. I'm very, very fond of her but it's just too frustrating."

"Do that, Chris. She's a special girl and, you never know, something might cause her to come out of her shell, like losing you."

Christopher smiled forlornly. "I have my doubts but yes, Ellie, I'll keep in contact but no more. The never-ending waiting game's getting me down."

Ellie reached up and pulled his head down. "You are very special," she said and kissed him. "I'm very proud of you, my darling brother."

"And you are a great comfort to me, Ellie love. Thank you."

Lunch went well and Tina was thrilled with the CD that Libby gave her, autographed too.

The drive back up to London was subdued. It appeared that Tina had also realised that a watershed had been reached the evening before. She admitted to herself that Christopher was a very special person and that she was very drawn to him but she could not let herself be. She was little better than a whore and could never be worthy of him. She longed to tell him the truth but could not face the risk of losing him. It never occurred to her that her reticence was going to do just that.

Christopher's mind was churning too. He had really made it up as he had told Ellie but he was still torn. He felt the most enormous pull to Tina but it really was going to be too agonising to go on as things were. He wondered about asking Merle whether he could breach her confidence but dismissed the thought. She and Tania were much too fond of her to risk what was left of their friendship, particularly if Tina did not respond positively to his telling her he knew of her ordeal. He restrained himself from banging his head against the steering wheel. He decided though that he would continue with the commuter lifts for a week. It would be too cruel to reject her after the weekend that had outwardly been a very happy one.

When they arrived at her bedsit Tina allowed him to carry her bag to the front door where she turned to him.

"Thank you, Christopher for a really special weekend. In addition to meeting Libby I enjoyed every minute of it. Your parents were so welcoming and I really, really liked Ellie."

"Good. I'm glad. I enjoyed it too, especially with you being there."

It was her last chance.

Tina looked down for a moment and then shyly up again. "Yes," she whispered, "and you made it special for me."

She reached up and pulled his head down. "Thank you, Christopher." She pecked his lips. No more. It was less warm than the previous evening's, a duty kiss.

Christopher drove forlornly away. That farewell had confirmed his decision but it saddened him, considerably.

On Thursday evening he told Tina that he would pick her up the next morning but was then going to drive straight home after work.

"I think actually," he added, "that now the evenings are light again I don't need to give you a lift in the evenings anymore or at least for the time being."

"OK," she whispered. "I'll miss you."

"Me too but, that first evening, it was only by chance that I had the car. I normally commute by train."

"Oh, Christopher, I never realised."

He smiled lopsidedly. "I can never resist a damsel in distress."

Her head went down and there was a long pause. She looked up again at last. "I'm sorry, Christopher. You are a very sweet, gentle and compassionate man and I ... I ... I'm sorry but I can't do anything about it."

She let herself out of the car in a hurry and ran to let herself in through her front door. She never looked back.

His mobile rang on the way home but he did not have Bluetooth and so had to wait until he got home to listen to the voicemail. It was Tina.

"Thanks a million," she said, "for all your lifts. Don't worry about tomorrow morning. I'll make my own way in." There was a pause. "I ... I'm sorry. I ... I..." There was the sound of a sob and then the line went dead.

Apart from his three pints on a Friday night with the boys and the over-indulgence after rugby matches on Saturdays Christopher was not much of a drinker but now he needed a drink and poured himself a large whisky and soda. He sipped but mainly nursed it for twenty minutes while he wrestled with himself.

Tina knew he was dropping her and it had made her very unhappy but it appeared that she was equally determined not to let him into her secret. It was such a stupid secret. That bloody man had raped her having made sure she was too drunk to fully realise what he was up to or resist him. She had been trusting and ingenuous. Nothing more. The fact that she was devastatingly attractive was not her fault and that attraction was not just physical. She was quick, amusing, intelligent and, he knew, straight as a dye. That last combined with a deep sense of morality was what was holding her back. She was a keeper but he had to break down the barrier before she could ever realise herself as the wonderful girl she was. He realised ruefully that he had really given up on that unless Merle and Tania were prepared to let him breach their confidence.