This story is not erotic and there is minimal sex, if you can call it that. I hope it is romantic, in its own way. It is more a study where the feeling and symptoms are taken from actual case studies about this problem and are all put into one story. Since I have been there and done that, I knew what I was looking for.

So there is no one person named Kara -- she is a compilation of hundreds of case studies I read about on sites for this type of problem as background for the story. If I did not see a symptom at least twenty times I did not use it so that it would not be traced back to anyone. And no, I did not put everything in, this is a short story and I left a lot of the agony out.

Ralph can be any fool, and I am sure you ladies will see at least one thing familiar about him.

Franklin, there is no place on earth that Franklin exists but I hope those of you who need a Franklin find yours.

This is not a history lesson and I move from one person to another and provide different perspectives. People tell me it is confusing at times, so pay attention.

The Phone Call

I always thought I was a beautiful woman because everyone told me I was. I have a pretty face, and nice eyes, slim waist, long legs, but the thing that drives them crazy are my breasts. A "DD" bra is too small for me. I am only thirty six and they are still proud and high, but I know that eventually they will fall, but even then, they will still be big. I have two girls, ages eighteen and seventeen when this story really starts.

Men think they have a problem with cock size but with us its breasts and we can't hide our size. They don't make push up bra's and falsies for nothing. You can't tell how big a cock is when it is covered but tits, boy they are right out there for the world to see. Women have a harder time, it is like we have to actually get you guys naked to be sure and by then we are sort of committed for the moment; so it is more difficult for us.

Let's be real now, you men have been known to put a falsie or two in your pants; the smarter ones put it in the front. And I made sure that men saw my breasts. Even thought I had nothing to do with their size, [I guess it is the same with cocks, ] I knew they gave me an edge and made me better than women who did not even reach a B; even a B was a joke to me. Some guys were really breast men and some just wanted to try them on for size, but I had my pick. And I did not lord it over the smaller girls, I did not have to, they and everyone else could see it.

I got mine when I was eleven and life as I knew it changed. Even my uncles looked at me. Can you imagine a twelve year old with size C breasts? How about a fifteen year old with DD's? At eighteen I was a monster. Men fell all over themselves to get to me and I fell over if I bent forward. Just kidding, but I did have a sore back, and I did not play sports of any kind.

I had it all. I am smart, with bright red hair, fair skin that people call alabaster, but with vibrancy all of its own, and freckles, and huge nipples that make me cum if my man is working them. Boys always wanted to touch my tits, and they never missed a chance to touch me, bump into me, or "accidentally" feel them and later in life I would orgasm when my man would play with them.

From the time I was 18 it was men I wanted. They knew how to treat breasts. No boys, unsure and inexperienced; I wanted a real man. Well enough with that.

I got married right out of high school to a man thirty two years old. He was a boob man and treated them right. Within one year I had Nicole, our first daughter and my breasts got even bigger. By the end of the second year I had Florence, our second daughter. The day after she was born Ralph got fixed.

Four weeks later, Ralph, my husband fucked the shit out of me and kept it up for the next seventeen of the following eighteen years. He is slowing down with age this last year but I just love the hell out of him. Life was good. I had great sex with Ralph and no one else, Ralph had great sex with me and no one else, and I love the kids and my kids were great.

We did all the family things and had a nice house to do them in. We went on vacations; we drove nice cars, went to dinner and plays and had a good life. Where ever I went men ogled me and my breasts. I flirted with men and they flirted with my tits.

I went to work after the girls got into school. I found a place at HHR Industries, a really nice work environment. First it was part time and then full time; but my family was what was important and HHR seemed to let me still be a mother. No, I did not fuck around except with Ralph and he could not keep his hands off his "fun bags" as he liked to call them, among other things. The things I would wear to keep that man happy and it kept me happy too.

I went to all the testing we women have to go through. Spreading your legs for some man who is not your husband and that damn cold instrument is not a pleasant experience. I loved doing it for my husband but what he put inside of me was nice and warm and did not feel bad; this was just embarrassing when it was a doctor stuffing some damn piece of cold metal inside of me and sometimes it hurt too.

I had not been feeling too good the last two months because I was always tired even when I got eight or more hours sleep. I went to the doctor and got some Vitamin B shots and some blood work to see if maybe I was getting anemic. I had also lost about ten pounds over the last couple of months but for me that was not a good thing. Apparently I had someone who thought that I needed a new diet because for the last month when I got into the office I found fresh blueberries in a bowl, a banana, and fresh cream on my desk, along with a pack of Splenda and a pack of sugar.

[A friend thinks: "I knew immediately what was happening but I thought she already knew and was keeping it from us. She was always tired and that beautiful alabaster skin, just so perfect was beginning to lose its luster and it was becoming dull. Maybe some antioxidants like blueberries would help. Potassium from the banana would also help. She is still losing weight. When she decides to tell us then I can help even more. She is a really nice lady."]

We did the breast x-rays and I was always told that I was lucky that I had big ones as they never had a problem looking at them, the little girls had a hard time and they hurt like hell pinched between those plates.

One day I got a call and that is when this story really starts. There is a shadow on the x-ray. They still call them x-rays even thought it is digital now. They want to see me. It is nothing to worry about, just need another few pictures.

I froze on the phone. I heard the words and I understood them but I was suddenly cold, very cold, and I was sweating. My breath caught, sounds disappeared and then came roaring back louder than I thought possible. I had a hard time standing; yes I was standing. At hearing the words I seemed to stand up, I don't know why, I just did, and then I wanted to sit down. Then I wanted to go someplace to be alone. How could I go someplace when I could not even walk or breathe? I wanted to throw up and at the same time I needed to pee.

It can't be true was another thought, but someplace deep down inside of me I knew it was true. I did not want it to be true, I would pretend it was not, but I knew deep down inside that it was. Shit, why me, what the hell did I do wrong? I am only thirty six years old, why me?

The staff caller is nice at first but I am afraid. This happens all the time so there is no need to worry I am told. I don't believe her. I try to make an appointment for today, right now, but they can't. They want to make an appointment for next week. I go postal.

"God damn it, if your doctor's office called and had to retest because you might have breast cancer would you let the exam go for an additional week? Don't give me that one week shit because I want in today or tomorrow morning."

What I get is an, "I'm sorry ma'am, but there is no need for profanity."

"Listen you little fucking shit, you called me and said there is a need to re-do the exam because of what was seen. We are talking about breast cancer here you little twit. How about we make a deal? I wait a week and if I have to have my tits cut off I get to come over and cut yours off too?"

I hear an intake of air similar to what I felt when I got this call. I might even have heard a little whimper. I am put on hold.

Then there is another voice; a more mature voice. "Ma'am, we can see you tomorrow morning at seven am. Will that fit your schedule?"

"Yes it will. Thank you for seeing me so promptly. Please pass on my apology to the young girl I was initially talking too." I say.

"That is most kind of you. I will let her know that you said that. She will not be here when you come in tomorrow and you will not be getting any more calls from her, and neither will anyone else." The voice said.

I go home and tell Ralph but he does not seem to care. Maybe that is not correct. It is probably more correct to say that he does not understand what has been happening and can possibly happen.

What I get is a: "It is probably nothing, don't worry about it."

Damn now I have two good reasons to be mad. One, I might have cancer; and number two, my idiot husband does not understand shit. Maybe he would understand if someone took his toys away. Why did I even think that? Please God, don't take his toys away. I go into the bathroom, I cry and throw up. No one comes to ask if I am ok.

I am so afraid and I want him to care, I want him to hold and comfort me. I want him to give me his strength. Maybe if they found a shadow on his cock he would know what I am feeling. He watches CNN news and I am left with my fears.

Now I understand I am alone in this fight. I am alone and I wish I could just go to bed but I have dinner to make. I am a zombie but no one notices. I zone out staring into space, my stomach hurts and I sweat even though I am cold.

"Please God, make it go away."

Later that night despite my girls not being told, because I don't want to worry them, I do ask them about self examinations and they are embarrassed and I get upset and I yell at them. I tell them how to do it and when. I don't sleep well that night. I will not sleep well for a very long time.

I go in the next morning for my testing; but I stop off and attend the 6:00 a.m. Mass. I am so afraid and alone, maybe it will be OK. I pray for myself and then realize there are others who have the same fears, the same problems, I pray for them too. I know that God hears I just hope He does not say no.

They do the additional testing and I go off to work. It is three hours later when I hear back. I need a biopsy because there is something wrong in the new pictures. They have me come in the next morning.

I have been kicked in the teeth and the stomach. I can't breathe again. I can't quit shaking. I know there is something wrong I feel it. One of my friends at work asks and we go into the ladies lounge and I tell her. I have to tell someone who might understand. She seems embarrassed when I tell her. She should know all about this but she does not know what to say and neither do I. She tries to hold me when I start crying but I have to sit on the couch or I will fall down and she is embarrassed about everything. She tries but this is something no one can help with.

This is taking time away from my life; I have other things to do. Why me and why now? We have a new department head who has only been here a year and there are all these changes to work on and now this. I don't think he likes me; he never stares at my tits like other men; he ignores them. I don't think he has ever looked at anything but my eyes when he talks to me. I sob when I think that he might have missed his chance, I might not have them much longer. I can't quit crying, I can't understand what I did to deserve this.

Ralph is again clueless. I tell him about things and my appointment tomorrow. He does not ask to drive me or to go with me. He does not even ask how I am feeling and if he can do anything to help or if I am in pain. When we get into bed after dinner and him sitting on his ass watching some damn sports program he tries to get something going. He whispers that I better take good care of his girls and hefts my breasts. I want to kill him. I want him to make love to me, to join with me and feel my fear and pain. What I get is fucked. Then it dawns on me that all I have ever gotten is fucked; and my tits played with. My breasts, will I lose my breasts? Can I be a woman without them?

I wake up but I am so tired. I have been tired for a long time now. I read that fatigue can be a symptom relating to breast cancer; shit! It has been a tough few days and sleep does not seem to help. And I seem to be so tired. I go to Mass and then go to work because my biopsy is not scheduled until the afternoon. At work the new supervisor looks strange; he got a haircut. Now why would I notice that? It is now pretty short, about an inch long. Fear grips me again, will I lose my hair? Will I be bald with no eyebrows or eyelashes and bald? Well now Ralph will get that bald pussy he keeps asking for. Why the hell did I think that?

Mr. Hall, Franklin Hall, asks me to come into his office this morning. "Mrs. Collins I asked you to come in and talk with me in private. I do pay attention to what is happening in my department and I know what is going on with you.

Kara [he uses my first name] I have taken all of your insurance forms for you to fill out. Please fill them out when you go to your desk. Let's call it preparing for the worst and accepting what happens. I also have a business card from a very good therapist who deals with ladies who might have a scare like this. I am sorry because I know you might be feeling like your privacy is being invaded by me but I saw my mother go through this and I am only trying to help. Please let me know what I or the company can do. Do you have any questions for me?"

I just shake my head NO and I leave. He helps me out of my chair, and I have a hard time walking. Damn I had almost forgotten what is happening and now he reminds me. Shit he did not even look down my blouse either. I go to my desk and Mabel tells me that she has been instructed to handle my duties until I have completed the forms. When the forms are done I tell Mabel and Franklin shows up at my desk and hands me an envelope and I put the forms into it and seal it. He has a runner take it up to personnel with "Private and Confidential" written on it and the name of the division manager on the cover. He has written -- "Priority" on it and signed his name.

He says in a low voice, "This is one problem you don't have to worry about now as your bills will all be taken care of; so you just concentrate on you and your health." I nod yes and he leaves.

I arrive for my test and I have what is called "fine-needle aspiration", I am learning more than I want to know. The doctor does the procedure and then come back and says they need a different one and he does a core needle biopsy because the sample was insufficient. I am told I will be contacted. I am just so tired and so afraid. I wait an hour and get dressed and drive myself home. I don't want to do this alone again. My breasts hurt after all the poking.

I tell Ralph what happened when he gets home and he is far too casual about this, or is it stupid. I bring home a lot of pamphlets about breast cancer and start reading everything I can and even go on line to read. I do not cook dinner and Ralph seems upset but I tell him to call takeout. I show him the pamphlets and he picks them up and scans the covers, probably looking at tits but tosses them back on the table and walks away.

"Asshole" I think. I am still so tired; it has been that way lately.

Of course he wants to play that night. I have to tell him no and he asks why and I have to tell the big dummy that I spent the damn day having my tits used as pin cushions and they hurt. Then Ralph says something that hurts even more.

"Hell baby you better use them and enjoy them now you never know how long you can keep them."

In almost twenty years together this is the first night I slept alone. Now I was even more alone than before. I may never let that damn fool sleep with me again.

For the next two days at work I am not myself but I try to look good. I am used to men looking at me and hitting on me but I have never cheated. I don't think anyone knows what color my eyes are but every man in the place has an opinion about my bra size and a good number of women too. I admit I like the attention and let them see what they are missing.

During this time Mr. Hall comes over to my desk. His hair is even shorter. He sees me looking at it and says he is a runner and it is easier to keep it clean if it is short. He hands me some forms. Actually he is kneeling in front of the desk and starts slipping me forms to sign. At first I just sign them thinking they are part of the job, he is after all my boss. I ask what they are.

"Kara, they are forms we need to be ready to process. People don't think I know what is going on but I do. I hope that we never need these, but I want you to know you don't have to worry about paperwork. These forms are in case you need time off for medical reasons and special insurance forms too. I will give you copies for your home records. Everything you will need to do here is now taken care of, so I don't want you to worry about anything."

He leaves and comes back with my copies. They are leave of absence forms for medical reasons, allowing me to use them instead of vacation time. Approval forms for using my retirement if needed for medical purposes and the signed tax papers to allow it with no tax liability. Approval for hardship distribution of company funds for medical reasons. I just look at him.

"Kara, I will keep these in my office and if you need them, and we will all pray that is a very big if, I will process them for you. Here is a set for you to have at home. I have also had a folder made up with all employee benefits for medical leaves and my number is right there; here at work, my cell and even my home. You call me the minute you need something, anything. Have you called the lady on the card yet?" Mr. Hall asked.

I told him no and he just said she was a good woman and would help. Then he asked me if I had been having trouble sleeping the last month or so and if I felt that I was always tired and I told him that I did. He wrote a note for me to take to my next doctor's appointment reminding me to ask about the fatigue. He also asked about problems sleeping and depression, even before this week and I told him yes. Tell your doctor that too he said and he left.

In the last year the man has not said more than fifty words to me and now he is doing all this. He came back and gave me another envelope with tons of brochures about breast cancer. Now I was pissed.

I get up and follow him into his office and close the door. Actually I slammed it.

"Mr. Hall what the hell do you think you are doing? This is my private business and no one has said I have breast cancer so quit listening to gossip and stay the hell out of my business." I told him. I turned to walk away and I heard him say softly,

"I have been through it before."

I turned to look at him. He has such pain in his eyes.

"My wife, she -- died. It wasn't my mother it was my wife. I went through all of this and when it was happening I kept thinking why her, she is such a good person, what did she do? What did I do that she had to be punished for? Maybe I can trade, my life for hers? But I also thought, maybe if I had been more prepared, maybe I did not do enough, maybe I did not have enough knowledge, maybe I could have been more supportive, more caring, more anything, maybe she would still be alive. But that is all bullshit and I know it. Anyway, these are more for your husband than you, but you may find them informative though. Maybe he can make your life easier and find ways to help. I am sorry, I just wanted to help, please forgive me. I am sure it will turn out ok. I went to Mass this morning and yesterday morning and said some prayers for you."

I walked back and put my hand on his.

"Thank you, now I understand. Can I ask you a question? But you have to close your eyes. What color are my eyes?"

"That is easy. They are blue grey, but when you are upset, like mad as hell, there is no blue in them, they are just cold grey. And when you are happy they are an almost iridescent deep blue. I'm sorry to say the last few days I have missed the blue." Did I get it right he asked with his eyes closed?

"One more," I giggled; now why did I giggle? "What size are my breasts?"

"I don't do breasts, sorry. I would guess big, very big. I am good with nipples though, but I would actually to have to see them. Oh, I'm sorry I did not mean to say that. But you did ask."

Kara laughed, it was the first time in days she laughed and smiled at Mr. Hill as she walked back to her desk and turned to see him watching her. It was when she saw the pamphlets and other things on her desk that the fear came back and she almost fell into her chair.

"It will be ok, call that lady on the card I gave you. She is very good. But it will be ok." Mr. Hill said as he once again invaded her privacy. This time she did not get angry.

It was at the end of the day when the call came. The doctor wanted to see me tomorrow morning. I wanted to see the doctor now but no one was there, it was a secretary, and her instructions were to have me come in at 10:00 in the morning to discuss the tests.

The blue left her eyes and once again they became cold grey; and the fatigue came upon her, like the weight of the world was on her and she knew she was not strong enough to stop it from crushing her.

He saw how she changed during the call and despite her warning he went to her again.

"Time to go home Kara" he said and asked one of her friends at work to make sure she got home. She sleep-walked to her friend's car, with Franklin carrying her bag of brochures and her purse, for a ride home; a ride she does not even remember. She leaves her car at work.

She tells Ralph and her daughters about the appointment and asks for Ralph to go with her but he is busy at work and can't get off.

"God damn it Ralph they are going to tell me if I have cancer and you can't get off from work to go with me. What the hell is wrong with you?"

He still can't do it and she is resigned to go alone so this night, the night she needs someone to hold her, to protect her, she will be alone then too because now Ralph is mad he did not get to play with his two favorite toys.

In the morning she takes her second shower and cries as she washes her breasts. They may be gone soon she thinks and cries even harder. No one hears her or if they do they do not care enough to ask what is happening and if she needs help.

She goes to get into her car and it is not there. She does not even remember leaving it at the office. Now she needs a ride to work, damn. She calls and speaks to a few of the other women there and finally Franklin gets on the phone and tells her he will pick her up. This car thing is just one more screw up in her day.

"Just, well it is just so damn depressing." She thinks to herself.

"I will be there in ten minutes if you are ready. I will come to the door it is too cold for you to be standing outside." Franklin tells her and ends the call.

"Why isn't my husband doing this" she thinks as she waits for Franklin.

It is not even ten minutes when the doorbell rings and the familiar sound of the bells chime. She is angry when she gets to the door but some of that anger dissipates when she sees him standing there waiting for her. When she looks it is a beautiful sunny day. Why did he say to wait inside?

"Franklin, it looks like a beautiful day why did you tell me to wait inside?" she asks.

"It was horrible until you came out and then the sun came out with you." He lied with a smile.

For a moment the blue came back to her eyes. He just wanted her to stay seated and resting until he got there.

They rode in silence to the office and he opened the door for her and took her hand and helped her out of the car; Ralph had never done that.

At nine forty a.m. she started packing up for her appointment and told Franklin she was leaving.

"Where is Ralph, you should not be alone to talk to the doctor." He said.

"Ralph had to work and my daughters are in school. I can handle this by myself, there is no problem. I will just walk over in a few minutes." Kara told him.

"Kara you are not going alone, this is too important." Franklin said.

Then he took Kara by the elbow and guided her out of the office and to his car. She allowed herself to be directed, happy that someone cared enough to help.

When they arrived at the doctor's office she was surprised that all of the staff greeted Franklin and her. Once they saw Franklin she did not even have a chance to sit down they immediately went into the doctor's office. Kara was introduced to the doctor and then the doctor said hello to Franklin.

"Kara, I will leave you to talk with the doctor. He is an excellent surgeon and oncologist, you are in good hands. I will wait outside." Franklin said.

Kara looked up at Franklin as he was going to leave but she reached up and put her hand on his as he patted her shoulder. Her eyes were pleading but her mouth could not say the words. She was so afraid and thought she was going crazy. Is this what insanity feels like? She opened her mouth to speak but the words, they were not there.

"Would you like me to stay Kara?" Franklin asked.

She could only nod yes. Franklin took his chair, well prepared for what was to take place. Unhappily he had been through it before.

The meeting lasted hours. The shock came when the tumors were found to be malignant and that they were beginning to feed through their own blood supply rather than from the surrounding tissue and that lymph cells were found in the samples taken. This was very serious and she had to have surgery immediately. This was an issue of not months or even weeks; a day's delay could be the difference between life and death.

Before it was over the doctor was sorry his new patient let Franklin stay and Kara felt the opposite. There were a lot of issues to discuss and Franklin ended up making some of the decisions for her, after getting her approval. One that angered the doctor the most was the authorization for surgery. Franklin insisted that Kara be given time to decide if she wanted to wake up and make any decisions if the surgeon found that she needed more than the invasive surgery initially scheduled. Frequently information becomes available only when the patient is under anesthetic and more radical procedures are needed. That authorization would be delivered tomorrow when surgery was going to be scheduled. An additional decision was made by Franklin concerning the time of surgery. He insisted that she be the first one in that day, that way there would be no delays and the doctors and nurses would be at the freshest. Franklin also made sure that the lymphatic mapping would be done at the same time; it was necessary to know how far the cancer had spread. He also insisted that the mapping take place first so that Kara could make an informed decision before the other surgery to ascertain if it had spread so far that she might not actually want the pain of surgery if death was -- reasonably imminent. An authorization would be delivered to cover that eventuality.

Kara was drained after the meeting and Franklin insisted that they have lunch even though she was not hungry. She was surprised when he went to a small place that served corned beef sandwiches, which was her favorite. Franklin told her that he remembered she had mentioned it some time back and this was as good a time as any to indulge. They did not talk about the meeting; Franklin insisted they take a break from that so she could "process" it in her own mind first. Lunch was not a long affair and soon they were back in his car and on the way to their office, but that was not to be.

They arrived at a suite of offices in what was obviously a medical building. She was going with the flow, having learned that Franklin was just looking out for her and thought he would do so now. The office had a small waiting room with a pleasant older woman as a receptionist. She greeted Franklin by name and he introduced Kara as the doctor's next appointment. Again they did not even have a chance to sit down when another woman dressed in a conservative dark blue business dress came in and asked for her. This time Franklin said he would wait. This was the therapist that Franklin had been asking her to see for the last week or so. She would be alone here.

The doctor was easy to talk to and familiar with her circumstances; Franklin had given her some background but nothing too personal. Kara liked the woman and then spent the next two hours opening herself to this new friend. She felt unburdened for the first time in a long time, especially when she learned that the doctor had gone through the same procedures and lived and was happy with her husband of many years. Her practice was now limited to women that had similar problems as Kara's and she gave her a list of support groups to help with after surgery physical and emotional care. She said that depression was common as was fatigue and for her to remember that she did nothing to earn this honor [?] it just happens as part of life. She did mention that Franklin was a perfect friend for her; but Kara did not know why it was said. The doctor went over some of the choices she would have to make before surgery and this time it was from a woman's point of view and why she chose life rather than death. She was not telling Kara what she should do, only giving her reasons why she might want to do or not do something.