Chapter 52

“Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.” –– Marilyn Monroe

0915 hours, local time
Sunday, 8 March, 2015
MetraPark
Billings, Montana

The Prophet Charles Tremaine was very thrilled to have this venue for this event, which was the first mass service since the baptism. He was more than ready to deliver his sermon, and it soon went into its second hour, full of passion, poetry, and prose. The people who got up so early to hear him speak weren’t even bored yet. They hung on every word, especially as he inspired them to “make this damn town the greatest town that it can ever be, by God! You can do this, we can do this, and we can leave a legacy to the next generation and the one after that!”

That was when God suddenly appeared with a strange-looking woman in tow. She looked as young as anyone in the audience, but she had an ancient, wise, resigned look in her eyes. She also looked expectantly at both God and Charles, much to his surprise. What on Earth was this about, anyway? Charles sighed as he abruptly concluded the homily, still managing to end on a high note, even if sooner than planned. This had better be good, but no doubt, it was a steaming hot mess.

“So, Charles, it seems that Jehovah dropped this nonsense in my lap, so I thought that I would give you a chance to resolve it. The Lawgiver and the Prophet Adam Clarke dealt with similar stuff, of course, but now it’s your turn. It’s about the retirement package for Gods past. It seems that Jehovah failed to disclose to me, perhaps out of spite, perhaps because he was distracted, but he had omniscience at the very end, so he should have known by definition ... anyway, he failed to tell me about yet another Deity who needed a pension of the usual kind. So, yeah, here she is,” God coughed as He revealed this news.

“Woah, is that ... God? Talk about confirmation that Charles is a true Prophet of Heaven! Who is she, though?” someone called out.

‘Yes, well, if you hear me out, you’ll find out. This is Asherah. Yes, that one. You might have heard of her. It seems that she was ... the ex-wife or former consort of the Deity known as Jehovah or Yehowah or Yahweh or simply Yah. Back when the Israelites and Canaanites co-existed somewhat peacefully and shared Gods and all that jazz. Apparently, that was a very nasty divorce, and while I’ve heard Jehovah’s side and understand his perspective, I’ve now heard hers as well.

“So, here’s the gist of it. I need you to find a city or two or three, select the inhabitants of those cities or whatnot, and have them follow Asherah to a colony on another world. She has told me herself that she’s not after my throne. She just wants her pension. I believe her, too, on that point, at the very least. So, anyway, you’re a busy Prophet, but you can squeeze in such a duty, I imagine. This is where omniscience would come in handy, of course. Apparently, she ruled Heaven as Queen in tandem with Jehovah in the early days. He didn’t reign alone at first, after all. So, yes, she made her case and convinced me that she deserves a colony of her own,” God explained to Charles, who smiled.

“Yes, that’s gonna have to be included in a report back to Haven that I will deliver in person, and yes, that will have to be added to the doctrines, I imagine. The tracts and other official literature and new scriptures will have to be edited to include this detail. Thank you, Lord, for bringing this matter to my attention and I’m not being sarcastic here. In any case, I want to make sure that this is what you really want, my lady?” Charles turned to Asherah, who nodded.

“Thank you. You and this new God here, who seems a decent enough fellow, are the first two beings to actually ask me what I want in thousands of years. Yes, I want a colony and I want people who will worship me as I used to be worshiped before Yahweh divorced me and cast me out of Heaven. When I was Queen of Heaven, something that certain other prophets denounced for reasons that should be obvious to you guys by now. So, yes, that’s what I want. I want some shrines and high places and poles erected in my honor, you know. I want my old cult back, you know,” Asherah answered rather bitterly, but then her exile and divorce were clearly bitter memories for her.