Chapter 2

The following morning I set off for my meeting with Sharon, not looking forward to it one bit. Paula had already warned me to hold my temper, and tongue, when we met, but was generally supportive of me actually going and at least trying. 'You might even see Melanie and Michael.' I was encouraged by her, which was the main reason I was going to see a woman who had gone out of her way to make my life as hard as possible.

I arrived at the Metro Centre, Gateshead in plenty of time and parked in the Red Multi-storey car park. For those who don't know, the Metro Centre is a shopping Mall and a pretty impressive one too, it was once the biggest in Europe, might still be, though I'm not sure.

I checked one of the in-store maps and made my way to a small café where Sharon had asked to meet and settled into a seat towards the rear though with a clear run to the exit if I felt the need to run. Ordering a coffee I settled down to wait, as ever people watching and playing the 'would I, wouldn't I' game with the waitresses and other lady users of the café, before deciding that I probably would ... all of them.

I soon spotted Sharon making her way to the café; she hadn't changed too much in the six years since I'd last seen her. Dressed in form-fitting jeans and a roll-neck top with sparkly thread running through it, 5' 10", average 36" 26" 36" figure, nice breasts, still a C cup, with a peaches and cream complexion, dark brown hair in a shoulder length bob and brown eyes, in short, a very lovely looking woman, well worth a second glance. But, knowing what I knew, not enticing to me, not any more. I did notice up close that her remembered features, to me, looked strained and lined as if stressed or angry and decided to keep my guard up.

"Hello Dave," she said in her throaty contralto voice.

"Sharon," I greeted her. "Can I get you something?"

"A latte, please."

We sat in silence until her drink arrived, the silence stretching out uncomfortably as I resisted the urge to simply up and go.

"I want to apologise to you," she started eyes downcast as if fearing to look me in the eye.

"Apologise?"

"Yes, for making it so difficult between you, Melanie and Michael."

Well this is new I thought.

"What's brought this on?" I asked, probably a bit bluntly, but I was shocked, I freely admit.

"There was an incident at work," she almost whispered. "I was attacked, violently ... I'm OK now, no physical harm done ... but, I received counselling from work and they opened a can of worms over the way I'd driven a wedge between you and the kids. I was advised to try and fix it, or at least get you to forgive me as part of the healing process."

"And Melanie and Michael?" I asked.

"Oh god!" Sharon said, tears starting from her eyes.

I handed her a napkin to use as a handkerchief as she fought for control.

"I ... I tried to broach the subject, but it didn't go well. They didn't believe the truth. Oh god, Dave, I'm so sorry. I tore up the cards you sent and hid then sold the presents. I convinced them that you'd abandoned them and now I can't put it right, it's gone on too long and I admit I reinforced it for years, telling them what an utter rat bastard you were."

"And now you want me to forgive you? Just like that?"

"I have to start somewhere, Dave. The hate and guilt I'd repressed has built up and is tearing me apart."

"What's Ben's position on this?" I asked.

"He's supportive, though not happy about us meeting. He's worried you might get violent over what we ... I ... did to you," she replied. "Plus he has his own problems, his company has gone bust and taken a lot of his investments with them."

I couldn't help but think that I at least wouldn't allow a woman I loved to go to a meeting alone if I thought she was in danger.

"Have you ever known me to raise a hand to you ... or any woman, come to that?"

"He told me to do whatever I had to. I think he still loves me, though it's not the same as it was in the early days."

"Why's that? You both got what you wanted ... No, sorry, that was cruel and none of my business."

"He never forgave you for forcing him out of the company," Sharon admitted with a slight grimace.

"I didn't, but he forgot the cardinal rule, that people have friends who know the truth. My friends in the management structure did not think well of the way he destroyed our marriage behind my back. It was they who took steps to freeze him out, if only because of his boasting of his prowess."

"Boasting?" Sharon asked.

"To his mates or people he thought were his mates," I replied. "Water under the bridge now, I only found out about it much later."

"I didn't know, sorry Dave."

"Not your fault, you were quite a catch and he was unwise to boast about something like that."

"Well..."

"As I said, not your fault."

"OK, but he still blames you."

"His problem, not mine. I've moved on."

"Still doing the installations?"

"Sort of, I'm now the supervisory manager ... or that's the official title."

"Good for you," she said with a wan smile.

We'd finished our coffees by then and seeing how miserable she was I asked her if she just wanted to stretch her legs.

"If you don't mind, Dave."

"Not at all, you can tell me how the kids are really doing, if you want."

We strolled around the Centre and Sharon opened up to me on all the happenings in Melanie's and Michael's lives. There was so much that I'd missed, she even dug into her bag to hand over school photographs as well as a memory stick with hundreds of pictures on.

"I had copies made of everything I could find, Dave. They are all for you and your Mum and Dad."

"That I think is what hurt the most. I could have understood it if you'd just frozen me out, but Mum and Dad? They didn't deserve that."

"I know, Dave, believe me I know. It was so wrong of me, but once I'd started, it was as if I couldn't stop. Even Ben suggested occasionally that I was being cruel, though often enough it just caused a fight."

I thought back to Paula and her treatment by Kevin who had subtly, though determinedly warped her life till she ended up trapped like a bird in a gilded cage.

"You can't alter the past," I sighed. "I guess all you can do is try to repair the mistakes you think you made."

"That's what I'm trying to do, Dave, but so far the only one listening is you."

"I don't know, Sharon, I'm not having an easy time with this 'revelation'. Part of me just wants to throw it back in your face and make you suffer like I did."

Sharon only nodded and we continued to walk for a while until her phone chirped in her bag.

She quickly scanned a text and sent a reply.

"The kids are coming down to the Metro Centre now, would you like to at least see them?" Sharon asked.

I thought about it for quite a while before answering.

"I would like to see them, but frankly I'm worried about how they'll react."

"I don't know how they'll react either, but please Dave, help me to help them to see the truth, not the pack of lies I've been telling and reinforcing."

"You told them the truth before?"

"Yes, just last week and I've been dealing with the aftermath since."

"Do they know I'm here?"

"Yes ... no ... sort of," Sharon prevaricated. "They know I'm here seeing you, but not that I'm bringing you along to meet them, though I think Melanie suspects it as she wasn't too keen on coming here."

"OK," I said, "let's try at least."

We wandered back to the café and ordered more hot drinks and waited. It wasn't too long before I spotted them and my heart just went out to them. It wasn't their fault, though it wasn't going to be easy I suspected.

"Melanie, Michael, please sit," Sharon told them as they looked about to bolt.

"Why's 'he' still here?" asked Melanie.

"He's here because I asked him to stay," Sharon replied.

"I don't want to see him; I don't want to speak to him!" said Michael.

"He's your father and there's some things that need to be said and to be right," said Sharon.

"What, that you've gone mental and 'forgotten' all he did to us?" sneered Melanie, in a manner well in advance of her 11 years.

"What exactly is it that I've done to you?" I asked, quickly forestalling a very angry retort from Sharon.

"You never sent support, you never called us, and you cut us off from your life so you could keep all your money to yourself!"

"I send you, via your Mum, over £700 a month. I have the CSA records to prove it. Every Christmas and birthday I called you only to be told that you weren't in or you hung up on me; same with my Mum and Dad, your grandparents. Also, you were the ones who blocked us on facebook too."

"It's true, all of it," said Sharon, close to tears again.

"I don't believe you, I'll never believe you!" said Melanie.

"So, for over six years you believed what your Mum told you and now you don't believe her?" I said mildly.

"She's not well. The doctors are making her do this!"

"Have you asked yourself why the doctors are making her do this as it's not something I could influence?"

There was silence as the implications of what I'd said sunk in.

"I still don't believe you and don't want to see you!" said Melanie.

"I can't make you, wouldn't even try, but for the sake of your Mum's health I think you need, at least, to support her in whatever the doctors advise her to do."

"Did you really call?" asked Michael.

"Yes, without fail every birthday and Christmas. For the first few months after the separation I tried calling you every day until your Mum got a temporary restraining order put in place," I replied grimacing. "After it was thrown out I tried constantly but was never allowed to speak and my job mostly had me working all over the country, so I couldn't visit. Your grandparents tried to visit to patch things up but were turned away at your door."

"True all true," said Sharon, tears streaming down her face.

"Why?" he asked.

"Revenge and then not wanting to admit I was the one in the wrong."

"Revenge?" Melanie asked.

"I did something terribly wrong. Your father caught me and it all came out in the open and embarrassed me in front of friends and family. I was in the wrong and hurt him badly, but wanted to hit back because of the embarrassment and humiliation, so I did it the only way I could."

"That's not what Dad said," Melanie said stubbornly.

"Dad?" I interrupted, watching Sharon go white.

"Yes, as in 'our Dad', Ben." said Melanie with a vicious smirk.

"We er ... we thought as they were so young it would give them continuity and certainty in their lives," said Sharon trying to put some sort of gloss on the announcement but realising I wasn't having any of it. "They hardly ever do it these days."

"I remember Ben got divorced himself in order to marry you and he has two younger children," I replied. "I guess they visit. What do they call Ben?"

"Er, we call him 'Dad'" said Michael.

"Well, Melanie and Michael, it was good to meet you after so long," I said, trying to keep the anger and despair out of my voice. "One day perhaps you'll get curious as to what really happened and I'll be glad to fill you in with my version, but that's up to you. Was good meeting you again, Sharon, I hope you recover, but it will be a cold day in hell before I forget that last parting gift from you."

I stood and walked away, desperately trying not to just collapse and sob, my mind screaming in sorrow at my loss.

"Dave, Dave please ... Dave!" I heard Sharon call out behind me. "Oh God why the hell did you say that, Melanie? You never ever call him anything but Ben!"

By then I was out of earshot and made my way back to the car to drive the half mile to my hotel. I'm not entirely sure how I made it, but fortunately I did so without incident. I booked in and got to my room. The real sobs started as I fully realised that I'd had a precious gift taken from me in an act of petty spite.

Eventually I got myself back under a measure of control and lay on the bed thinking I was in for a long day and night, as it was still barely eleven, plus I was supposed to call Paula and let her know how it had gone, but frankly I wasn't sure I could cope with that at the minute.

As it was my phone went off after a while and it was Paula calling.

"Hi bro."

"Hi sis."

"Had Mum on the phone, Sharon rang her asking if she knew where you were, but you know Mum, she doesn't even have a mobile."

"Definitely not here for her ... ever!"

"Well I rang Sharon after Mum rang so I know what happened."

"You would sis, I can tell you it wasn't good."

"Sharon still wants ... needs to speak to you."

"She can go fuck herself."

"David!"

"Sorry my Lady, but she took something from me I'll never get back."

"I know my love, but if you ever hope to normalise things with Michael and Melanie, you need to go through Sharon."

"I'm not sure if they even want to normalise things with me, the damage is done and too deep."

"Please don't give up on them Dave, I know you're angry and upset, but I suspect it's nothing compared to the bitterness of regrets in later life."

"Christ Paula, I'm no saint, I admit it, but I wouldn't have dreamed of trying to do something similar had Ben and my roles been reversed, nor would I have allowed it!"

"You're a good man bro, other people aren't."

"I love Martin and Kerry as if they are my own, but I've always made sure that their Dad remains special to them... ," I sobbed as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I know Dave, I know. I beat myself up enough about that after Kevin's death worrying about what would happen if they found out about us."

"I think they love their Mum enough to get over it eventually," I said, knowing Kerry knew and Martin wasn't stupid either.

"Hope we never find out."

"Yep..."

"As it is, Sharon's down in the reception area and you need to see her, bro, and try to put things back to something workable for both your sakes."

"No."

"Don't make me drive up there and make you!"

I couldn't help it, I just burst out laughing at her last statement, Paula doesn't like driving more than thirty miles tops and I was over 300 away.

"OK, for you my beautiful Lady, I'll do it."

"Good and try to cheer her up too."

"Now you're just being nasty."

"Bye bro, love and hugs."

"Love you too."

I gave myself a quick wash and wandered down to the small reception area to see a sad, distressed looking Sharon clutching the bag of pictures I'd forgotten to take with me when I walked out of the café.

"Dave," she greeted me with tear swollen eyes.

"Sharon."

"Will you talk with me? I realise I have no right to ask, but please."

"Yes, if you don't mind coming to my room, I'm not much in the mood for any more public humiliations," I replied watching her wince.

In the room I seated Sharon on a sofa with a small table and popped the kettle on after ascertaining if Sharon wanted a tea or coffee.

"I really don't know how to go about this, Dave. I'm so, so sorry about what we ... I did and I cannot apologise enough about it and Melanie's gloating over it."

"She wanted to hurt the man she thought had hurt you," I said. "Was a damned good shot, it still hurts and I doubt I'll ever get over it as they are both of an age now where if they went back to calling me Dad it wouldn't feel right to them."

"She knows I'm absolutely livid with her over it. Not the fact, I can't alter that, just the way she did it."

"You reap what you sow." I replied.

"Yes, I know and I don't know what to do except talk to the one person who suffered the most by my actions."

"Where are they now?"

"My Mum and Dad came to collect them, Melanie won't like what Mum has to say to her on what she did, she's never liked Ben and won't allow him in her house."

"From what you said, you seem to have problems too," I replied.

"I was heading towards some sort of stress related breakdown, at least that's what they told me."

"After six years?" I asked.

"I hadn't noticed but my behaviour had become increasingly ... erratic. It might have gone on for a while, but Ben had noticed, which is why we have problems of our own to sort out. I'd become obsessed with getting even with you for imaginary slights and injustices. The day I was attacked was the day after I got your email about wanting to know if the kids were getting the stuff you sent. Whilst I didn't exactly provoke the attacker, my attitude didn't help as I seemed to have lost all empathy for the patients, which is not a good place to be for a nurse.

"I don't really know what to say Sharon, I'm not even sure I can help because I have my own issues over what went on over those six years, culminating in the fact that my kids hate me."

"And I'm to blame ... I know," she said, her shoulders trembling.

"I'm sure you had help."

"Don't go there Dave, please. I have enough problems at home because of my actions without you stirring up my emotional state about it as well. I still have issues in which going back to old habits seems the right thing to do, a comfort zone as it were."

"Well, at least you had the courage to try and deal with it."

"Dave, I was terrified you'd go off the deep end. I'd done my level best to erase you from Michael and Melanie's lives whilst milking you for every penny I could get. Ben only just managed to stop me forging a deed poll change for their surnames. Even then we ... I tried to get them not to use your name, though fortunately I failed. I even tried to have your name removed from the house deeds so we could remortgage to pay back our losses in Ben's company."

Sharon kept saying we in our conversations and I suspected she'd had a lot of help in creating her little nightmare, though Ben, presuming it was Ben, had shied back from some of the more blatantly illegal deeds. Still, I had forgotten I still part owned Sharon's house, though I suspect they had now paid in almost as much as I had, if not more.

"You aren't going to become homeless?" I asked.

"No Dave, what equity we have isn't tied up in our property, plus it's in yours and my names, not Ben's."

"That's a relief," I replied. "But still leaves us with a problem over what to do about the kids."

"I know Dave, I've told them the truth, or as much as I think they're old enough to understand, but they don't believe it and Ben isn't helping there as he doesn't want his part in it mentioned at all."

"Christ what a mess Sharon," I sighed.

"I'm so sorry, Dave."

"Damned thing is I could have forgiven you your dalliance with Ben assuming I'd found out about it if you hadn't been fucking in our marriage bed. That was stupid and showed utter contempt for me and our marriage. I'm no saint Sharon, I've had a few encounters with married ladies since we divorced, but it's never been in their homes and I've always followed the cardinal rule of making sure they were highly unlikely to be caught. Doesn't make me a good person, but I am a damned careful one. Even then if you'd only talked to me afterwards we could have resolved something out of the shambles and acrimony."

"Ben insisted on doing it at our home and in our bed," said Sharon, looking utterly ashamed. "I think it gave him an extra thrill. I was infatuated with him and stupidly went along. Then it all went pear shaped and you found us and then my Mum found out along with my sisters and workmates when you left. I just tried to hit back at you despite being the original sinner."

"I had nothing to do with your Mum. I don't know how she found out."

"Neighbours saw everything including you kicking the shit out of a naked Ben on our drive and me threatening to get the police still covered in a sheet."

"Ah..."

"You had every right to be angry, Dave. Ben wouldn't press charges, despite my trying to make him."

"Wish we'd just sorted it before it got this far."

"I know, it became almost a religion with me, putting you down in front of the kids and trying to find ways to get at you," she almost whispered with tears dropping from her face to her top.

I handed her a hanky and wondered what to do. I wasn't even sure I believed her, well not fully. For all I knew this was some sort of convoluted plot to kick me hard in the nuts ... again.

Sharon's head was bowed and the tears were streaming down her face and I realised that I knew her well enough to know she wasn't that good an actress. I also realised that I still had feelings for her after all the years of strife.

I slid an arm over her shoulders and drew her into a cuddle.

"It's OK, bonny lass," I said. "I forgive you and will help if you want me too."

"You ... you will? I mean you do?"

"God help me yes, I just hope this isn't a mistake or some sort of plot to get at me as I'm tired of fighting you and I miss my kids," I sighed.

"Th ... thank you Dave," she sobbed into my shoulder.

"I don't know what we can do though, but I want you to get well again and go back to the Lady I once knew and loved."

"I was told that forgiveness starts the healing process Dave."

"Well I forgive you, but we have a lot to do and I don't know if we can repair the damage."

"I know Dave, I went too far, said too much, did too much and now it's a total mess. Thing is at the time it gave me a lot of satisfaction. The psychologist was ... well professional, but I think was disturbed at what I did."

"So was I."

"I'm so, so sorry Dave, really," she sobbed. "I can't say it enough."

"You've said it; I accept. Now dry the tears and let's at least see what we can do to repair the damage."

"OK," she gulped and wiped her eyes with the hanky.

"I think your Mum and Dad might be able to help," I mused.

"How? They won't even come to the house unless it's a birthday and then leave straight after dropping off the presents, they hate Ben."

"But they will see Michael and Melanie?"

"Yes ... but only with me."

"And what about me?"

"What do you mean Dave?"

"Well if they were to sit as neutrals in an open and frank discussion over what really happened ... not the nasty bits ... would Michael and Melanie at least listen to them?"

"Yes ... they might, but I'm not sure how Mum and Dad feel about you. God, it was years before they spoke to me again and whilst they'll tolerate Ben if we're all together, they won't have him around or come around if he's there."

"That needs fixing too," I sighed. "There's been too much hostility and hate in Michael and Melanie's lives and they've picked up a sort of siege mentality so don't like to leave the comfort zone."

"I hadn't thought of it like that Dave."

I had noticed that my arm was still around Sharon and that she'd made no attempt to shrug it off, if anything she had snuggled in further and looked far more relaxed than she had earlier, though the tears hadn't done her any favours. She glanced up at my speculation of her and gave a soft smile.

"Happier days... ," she sighed.

"That they were."

"We lost so much when I got tempted."

"No we lost it when you got caught, if you'd been more careful ... well let's just say what I didn't know wouldn't have hurt me and it might have petered out, no harm done."