Chapter 5

I kept looking at my phone. It was Monday morning and I was tired after a long night of too much sex and too little sleep. Now I was at work, trying to work, and looking at my phone every few minutes. I had to call someone, but I wasn't sure who and that was the worst of it.

Perry or Thomas?

I couldn't really spend the following weekend with Perry, could I? He'd asked me and I'd agreed, but I'd hardly been thinking clearly at the time. I hated him. He was using me to betray his best friend, to hurt the man I was going to marry in less than three weeks. I couldn't spend a weekend with him.

Could I?

I reached for the phone and my fingers fell short, weak and useless and stroking my desk as I sat there.

Should I call Thomas? What would I tell him? I knew he'd have plans for Friday night, Saturday as well, and Sunday was always our special afternoon together. Sweet, innocent Thomas. He loved me. He was going to marry me and make a new woman from the ruins of my past. He loved me and the man had no idea who I'd been or what I'd done ... What Perry was forcing me to do behind his back. I couldn't lie to him again.

Could I?

My fingers twitched and drummed impatiently. I'd never been one to put off anything. I liked to make up my mind and do it, sometimes for the best, sometimes not ... but the waiting. The indecision was almost unbearable and my work sat unfinished. What was I doing? What was I thinking about? I was engaged and whatever hold Perry had over me, it didn't extend so far as he imagined. Blackmail was one thing and there was little I could do about that, but he'd have to understand that there were limits to what he could have.

I'd call Perry and I looked at his business card, and his home number was on the back, his celphone too. He'd be at work now though and so it was the front of the card I was staring at. I'd call him at the office, like it was just business and nothing personal at all, and tell the man that I'd changed my mind. If he wanted to own me, he'd have to come and get me. I wasn't going to travel across the state and lie to my fiancé just to give Perry what he wanted. I'd been confused the night before, and not thinking clearly. But the sun was up and I was resolved once more to be the woman Thomas thought he was marrying.

"Hey Tricia, I was wondering if..."

I blinked and jerked my hand away from the phone, looking up as Susan, one of the other secretaries, spoke to me.

" ... you had time to help me audit the Fairfield account?" she finished and gave me a quizzical look. "Are you okay?"

"What?" I swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah, um ... I'm fine. Sure."

"We can do it later, if you're busy," she said.

"No," I forced myself to smile, feeling guilty with relief that I had an excuse to put off my phone call. "I'm not busy."

I had excuses all day long and Tuesday morning as well. I'd call Perry that afternoon, I'd decided. It was better that way, more casual, like I'd just happened to remember my silly promise. It wasn't important enough for a Monday. Nothing that couldn't wait until after a cup of coffee and a meeting Tuesday morning. It was a little thing and unimportant and that was my plan. Perry would have me, there was little I could do about that, but not for a weekend. I'd tell him right after lunch, but I didn't.

Wednesday arrived and I was feeling bad. Swollen and cramped, bloated with my menstruation, but that was good. It meant my menses was almost finished. The end was always the worst for me, but only for a day or two and then I would be fine. It put me out of the mood to call anyone and I ignored my phone and the guilt that was growing undeniably. Why wasn't I calling Perry? I'd spoken with Thomas every night and gone out to dinner with him the evening previously, smiling and pretending everything was fine.

I'd let my fiancé hold me and kiss me, and whisper sweet nothings in my ear while we imagined our wedding and the honeymoon after. I'd mentioned nothing to him about Perry and his invitation for the weekend. The subject of Thomas' best friend hadn't come up at all and I'd been happy about that, telling myself it wasn't up to me. It wasn't my responsibility to offer lies to the man I loved. The man I wanted to love. What would I say? I was going to call Perry in the morning anyway, but when the time came, I didn't feel up to it.

Thursday. I'd call him and I was feeling better, my period almost over. I was practically brand new and fresh and the day seemed brighter somehow. I'd call Perry and let him know that he wasn't anyone special to me. Our relationship meant nothing beyond the fact that he was a manipulative, selfish bastard. I'd call his bluff, if the man demanded it of me. I'd let him have me when he was here, but I wouldn't come running to his bed. I had to have some self-respect and I'd make him understand that.

"Miss Evens? Patricia Evens?"

I looked up to see a young man in white and blue coveralls, smiling at me.

"Yes?" I nodded.

"I have a delivery," he said, clearly enjoying his job as he produced an elaborate floral arrangement in a simple vase. "Can I put it here?"

"What?" I stared at him and smiled and watched as he put the flowers on my desk. "Thank you, um..."

"There's a card," he told me, reaching into his pocket. "If I could just get you to sign here for me?"

"More flowers from Thomas?" one of the women I worked with gave me an envious sigh and I shrugged happily. My fiancé did like to spoil me.

"What kind of flowers..." I started to ask, handing the man his receipt and turning the vase slowly.

"It's a Sweetheart Bouquet," he said pleasantly. "Have a nice day, Miss Evens."

"Thank you," I said and it was beautiful and somewhere between generous and large. A dozen red roses were in there, along with carnations and some sort of pink and lavender orchids, or something. I didn't know my flowers very well, at least not the exotic ones, and some of them were exceedingly lovely. All red and white and pink, the colors of passion and romance, and I enjoyed the moment very much.

I found the small card tied to one of the roses with a bit of wire and I smiled as I opened it, wondering if Thomas had anything special on his mind or merely me.

"Priss, looking forward to this weekend. Perry."

I blinked at the card and sat back, turning away from the flowers for a moment before looking nervously around the office. Everyone knew I was engaged to Thomas. They were all invited to the wedding and here was a bouquet from Perry? My heart beat faster as I undid the wire with nervous, clumsy fingers. If someone saw this, if one of the other secretaries read the card ... I was frightened to death of being found out and having to answer questions that I couldn't. The rumors, the gossip, the whispers would spread and Thomas would hear about it.

"Perry," I sighed, ripping the card in half and then half again. I tore the pieces smaller and smaller in my lap, watching the office and dropping the ragged bits of paper onto my skirt as I sat there. My heart was thumping and I felt a surge of adrenaline and something else besides. The excitement of almost being caught. The little rush of emotion that the smallest possibility of being exposed gave me and I didn't understand it at all. The card was destroyed, but the flowers remained and I'd have to explain them as a gift from Thomas and pray that he never found out.

A Sweetheart Bouquet from Perry delivered to my work. He was thinking of me. My nipples were cold with painful desire and I was tingling deep in my tummy. My fingers itched and my pussy was moist. Only from this. I closed my eyes, trying not to remember the things we'd done. Perry forcing me to have sex with him. Raping me in my kitchen and in my own bed. Subduing me the one time I'd tried to fight him and then spanking me the night I'd tried to say no to his desires.

I was stroking the insides of my thighs, the pale flesh above the tops of my stockings. I was tickling myself with my fingertips, dragging my nails closer to my pussy as I sat behind my desk, hidden away and staring at those flowers. Perry had fucked me and I'd let him do it. I'd enjoyed it and begged for more. I remembered suggesting that he stay with me and call his office in the morning, and I burned with shame and guilt. And lust? Perry. I hated him and I wanted him and I couldn't have him! I was getting married and if I could have sent those flowers back...

Would I?

I reached for the phone.

"Tom Westin ... Hello?"

I almost dropped the phone as I heard my fiancé's voice answering. I'd been calling Perry, not Thomas! I was going to tell the man he could keep his flowers, I didn't want them or him. I wasn't coming that weekend or any other. I was going to be busy with Thomas, with the man I was going to marry. I was going to make it clear to him and draw a line that his blackmail didn't cross. That's what I'd planned on doing when I'd reached for the phone, pushing the numbers quickly before I changed my mind.

"Thomas," I swallowed hard and I should have just hung up. "Hi. It's me."

"Tricia?" He was smiling, I could tell. "Hey, I was just thinking about you."

"You were?" I frowned and tried to push the guilt away, turning my eyes away from those flowers.

"Well, I'm always thinking about you," he laughed lightly. "What are you doing?"

"Um, oh..." I took a deep breath. "I just ... A friend of mine just, uh ... called me and I ... This weekend, I'm going to ... to visit her."

"Oh," Thomas sounded a little surprised, since I'd hardly mentioned any friends in the time he'd know me.

"Yeah, so..." I laughed nervously. "I'm going to go Friday after work and come back, um ... Sunday night, I think, and..."

"Okay, well ... Where's your friend at?" he wondered.

"What? Oh, she's um, she's in college," I said. "At the university."

"Okay. How about if I go with you?" Thomas suggested all too reasonably. "I could give Perry a call and he could put me up, I'm sure. We could have some fun and you can see your friend..."

"No! Oh, um ... No," I said quickly, searching for an excuse, anything.

"What? It's a long drive, Tricia," Thomas said and then he chuckled. "I'm not trying to get you into a hotel room with me or anything."

"I know, yeah..." I forced myself to laugh. "I just, well, I think she and some of the other, uh ... girls I knew, they want to ... you know, give me a going away party."

"A going away party?" Thomas asked.

"Yeah, a bridal shower thing," I said slowly. "I think."

"Oh, like a bachelor's party for girls, eh?" Thomas laughed.

"Maybe," I said. "I don't know. It ... She surprised me, you know."

"Sure," Thomas agreed. "Just don't fool around with the stripper or anything, okay?"

"Stripper?" I giggled. "What?"

"Well, isn't that what goes on at those things?" Thomas teased me. "I want to marry a virgin, remember?"

"Yeah," I said softly, staring at the flowers.

"I want to marry you," he said. "I love you, Tricia."

"I love you too," I said.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you?" he asked. "I'm going to worry if you're by yourself."

"No," I said. "I've made the drive before. I'll be okay."

"I'll call Perry and let him know you'll be in town anyway," Thomas decided. "Maybe he can take you to lunch or something..."

"He can check up on me?" I asked, trying to sound light and carefree, but my heart was hammering and I could barely keep my voice steady.

"Well, that too," Thomas laughed. "He likes you a lot, I think."

"Yeah, he's ... nice," I said weakly. "Um ... I have to go."

"Okay. Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?" Thomas wondered. "If I'm not going to see you all weekend..."

"Yeah," I agreed quickly, closing my eyes and nodding. "Dinner. That'll be nice."

"Okay," he said. "I'll pick you up around seven."

"Alright," I said and Thomas was saying goodbye, telling me again how much he loved me.

"I'm here," I said without smiling, standing on Perry's doorstep holding my overnight bag in one hand and his flowers in the other.

"You didn't like them?" Perry asked me, stepping aside and I entered his condominium slowly, feeling the goosebumps on my skin. Fight or flight. I was frightened out of my mind.

"I'm not your sweetheart," I said, pushing the bouquet into his hands. "I'm just a whore, remember?"

"I'll put these in the bedroom," Perry shrugged. "Do you want something to drink, Priss?"

"Yeah," I decided, dropping my bag in the middle of his living room and looking around. "Something to make me blackout."

Perry had disappeared already and his place was nice, very clean and modern and it must have cost him a bundle. His condo was large and overlooking the bay through a wall that was entirely glass and stainless steel. Everything was white, or the colors muted it seemed to me. Pastels that were washed out and antiseptic. I didn't like it and I felt cold all over, but inside I was warm. Unbearably warm and seeing Perry again, dressed and handsome and utterly careless with my feelings. It was all too perfect.

"Thomas called me," Perry said a few minutes later, handing me a large martini. I'd never had one before so I had no idea how dry or wet it might be, but it was strong and I drank half of it quickly.

"Did he?" I breathed slowly through my open mouth and Perry chuckled.

"You are thirsty," he said and sipped his own as we stood there. "Yeah. Tommy told me I should look in on you while you're here. Maybe take you out for a little dinner ... some dancing maybe ... a long, hard fuck afterwards. Hmmm?"

"That doesn't bother you, does it?" I sighed.

"What?" Perry smiled. "Thomas thinking you're safe with me?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "You think he'll never find out about us?"

"I don't know," Perry told me evenly. "What do you think?"

"I don't want to hurt him," I said, looking into Perry's face. "Let's just have this weekend. I'll make it good for you, I promise."

"Okay..." he said slowly.

"But when it's over, Perry ... It's over, okay?" I asked him. "Please?"

"One weekend with you?" he was shaking his head. "That's not gonna last me the rest of my life, Priss."

"Perry," I sighed and looked down at my drink.

"Is that why you came here?" he wondered. "Is that what you really want?"

"I'm tired" I said and I just felt defeated right then. "It was a long drive. I need a bath before I can think about why I'm here."

"Oh, come on..." Perry smiled at me. "You know why you're here, Priss."

"I was going to call you," I told him, looking into those deep hazel eyes of his, smelling his aftershave and watching his moist lips curl upward. He was enjoying this, not just my presence or my appearance, but this conflict between us. The edge that existed because of what we were doing and how it was so wrong.

"You should have," Perry said, leaning close to me and closing his eyes as he breathed deeply through his nose. "You smell so good. I've missed you."

"I wasn't going to come, Perry." I took another drink, a smaller one this time and picked the olive out of my glass with my fingers. "I shouldn't be here. I can't do this, okay? If you're not going to let me go..."

"I'm not."

" ... Then if you want me, you have to come get me. That's the rule," I said, reciting my practiced lines. "I don't come to you."

"That's the rule?" Perry cocked his head, watching me eat my olive and he was close to me. So very close and whispering, "Why are you here now, Priss?"

I kissed him then, the way I'd wanted to from the moment he'd opened his front door. I pressed my lips to his and let his tongue slip eagerly inside my mouth. I held my drink away from us with one hand and the other went to Perry's neck, gripping him tightly while our tongues moved against each other. He found my hip and then my ass through the jeans I wore and pulled me against him, and I could feel the man's hardness against my tummy.

Our drinks threatened to spill and I was only dimly aware of it when Perry took the glass from my hand. I watched him move to set them on a glass coffee table and I was already unbuttoning my blouse. We didn't speak. We didn't even leave the room. We undressed slowly and casually, as if this was all prearranged and agreed upon, and I folded my clothing carefully, setting them aside. I reached behind me and unclasped my bra, watching Perry watch me. I pushed my panties down my legs, stepping out of them and my period was finished now. My sex was wet, but not with blood, and I reached down to rub my fingers over my throbbing clit.

Perry's cock was swollen, not completely erect, but firm and standing out from his body in a graceful arch. His wonderful, hard body. I bit my lip, staring at him and I told myself that this was all it was. The pleasure I felt when I was with the man, the lust seeping into my heart when he touched me. There was no other emotion, or nothing good anyway. Lust and guilt and the humiliation of being Perry's whore. That's what he gave me, I told myself, only that and nothing else. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to cheat on my fiancé. I didn't want to feel the way I did and I blinked at the tears flooding my eyes.

"Don't!" I held up my hands and stepped back when Perry reached for my shoulders. "Don't touch me yet."

"What's wrong?" Perry asked me and I might have laughed at him then. It was such a silly question and he asked it so seriously.

"Tell me what I am," I said. "Why I'm here. You tell me, Perry. What do you want?"

"I want to fuck you," he said and I shook my head.

"I'll leave," I told him over the rapid beating of my heart. "I swear to God. I'll put my clothes back on and leave if you don't tell me the truth."

I was dying with the fear that he'd already spoken it.

I knew why I hadn't called him now. I'd known all along since ... before. Since the first time? Maybe. Since the night I'd tried to fight him, I'd known it then for certain. It was inside me and it hurt. It was killing me and I was afraid of it. It was why I'd driven across the state alone, making my pilgrimage back to the place that had ruined me. The scene of the crime and the past that wouldn't let me go, taken shape in the man who was naked in front of me. It was all I could do to stay on my feet and every part of me begged acceptance of what he was offering.

Just a fuck.

Thomas would marry me and Perry would fuck me, and I'd live the rest of my life moving between those two men. I'd be a wife and a whore and it would be so easy. I could have been a coward and I wanted to. I wanted to accept Perry at his word and take his money and let him use me while I denied what I knew to be true. I could bury it beneath a mountain of guilt...

"I'll tell on you," Perry smiled and his voice was soft.

"No," I shook my head. "You won't."

I turned, reaching for my clothes, and Perry grabbed my wrist. He jerked me into his arms and I didn't fight him. He held me tight, looking down into my face and licked his lips. He wanted to kiss me. He wanted to tell me. He wanted to keep me forever, I could see it in his eyes. What did he think I would say? Was he frightened of me? I thought he must be and it was all a bluff, a charade and I was forcing his hand now as we stood together naked and aroused, and desperate for something more.

"Don't go," he said and I closed my eyes, feeling my cheeks hot and wet and the salt was stinging my eyes.

"Give me a reason," I whispered.

Perry kissed me and I turned my head away but this time he wasn't going to let me refuse. He chased my mouth with his and I pushed against him, pressing my hands against his chest and knowing I wouldn't escape. I couldn't. I didn't want to and he was kissing me deeply, as if that alone was answer enough, and I let him do it. I accepted his tongue and pressed my sex against his cock, lifting my left leg and reaching between us to find him with my hand. I was guiding Perry towards my pussy and feeling the swollen head splitting my labia as I angled him upward.