Chapter 3

Somehow I thought there would be more satisfaction to telling my wife I told you so. On my way back to the bar I realized there was really no satisfaction at all, families were going to break up over all this, and mine could very well be one of them.

I took my seat next to Terry; he was sitting quietly just staring into his drink, I don't even think he was aware that I had returned.

"Did Barb say how it started, or why? You guys always seemed like a pretty happy couple to me; why would she take such a chance?" Terry didn't know it, but I was asking as much for myself as for him.

"To tell you the truth, Al, she wasn't making a whole lot of sense last night. After getting beat up, then getting treated in the ER, by the time we got home she was hysterical. She opened up and just started blubbering about it; it was half confession and half apology all the time, back and forth; she finally fell asleep about four in the morning from total exhaustion."

"Again, man," I said, "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, thanks. I didn't get any sleep at all last night. I just don't know what to do, Al. You know, on the one hand I have Audrey to think about, what's best for her."

I felt like saying I know just how you feel but I didn't. It was so strange though, here was Terry telling me exactly how I felt by describing his own feelings; I wondered if all guys went through the same kind of stuff after finding out their wives were cheating on them; then I wondered about women whose husbands cheated on them; do they go through the same thing?

Terry and I warmed the bar stools for another hour. By the time he was talked out he was also loaded. I had the bartender call him a cab and gave the driver his address then went back to my motel room. All this drama wasn't helping my thought process any. I was still no closer to knowing what I was going to do than the day I packed my bags.

I was also still wondering how Jackie got away without being identified as one of Vic's lovers when the other ones got caught. Then it hit me; we only had one computer in the house and everybody used it; the kids used it for homework, and I used it for various things. Jackie used it once in a while, usually to email her sister but there was no way she would risk sending emails back and forth to Vic; I caught her with a phone call; they never communicate by email, only by phone.

Jackie sure dodged a bullet there, I thought, unknowingly as it was. So, as far as I was aware, still only three people knew about their affair. Now I was starting to wonder if Vic would stay quiet or would he start bragging once people knew about the others?

When I picked up the kids Saturday morning again, Jackie was even quieter than she had been. I was pretty sure she was not only feeling remorseful, but now she was feeling like a fool as well. I think Jackie believed Vic and she had some kind of special connection because of their past history together; now she knew she was just one of several women he was fucking; I know it's not nice to say, but I was loving it.

As the following week progressed I was getting antsy for more information; I'd heard nothing, it was driving me nuts. I was wishing Terry would call; he seemed to know what was going on but I hadn't talked to him since the previous Friday and I didn't want to call him and seem nosey.

Then I thought of Julie, sure why not; I'll just call and tell her I was sorry to hear about what happened to Vic ... perfect; except that her phone just rang and rang. I finally left a message on the answering machine. I wasn't really expecting her to call me back but a little after nine that night my cell rang.

"Hello," I answered before looking at the display.

"Hi, Al, it's Julie Hennesy."

"Oh, Julie, you didn't have to call me back. I just called because I heard what happened to Vic and wanted to say how sorry I was."

"Sorry? Ha, why," she snarled, "are you the one who worked him over?"

She caught me by surprise and I started to stammer. "Ah, ah no ... I, ah, just meant..."

"I'm sorry, Al, I didn't mean to snap at you, it's been a bad few weeks," she said in a more pleasant voice. "Listen, I know it's kind of late but could you and Jackie stand a little company tonight, I really need to talk to someone."

Maybe calling Julie wasn't such a good idea after all, I had to think fast. "Ah, Julie, I'm still at work and think Jackie was planning on going to bed early tonight; why don't I meet you somewhere for a drink, it's on me."

"Are you sure that would be okay with Jackie?" she asked. "The last thing I want to do is cause problems in anymore marriages."

"Don't worry about it," I told her, "there's no problem with us having a couple of drinks together," I assured her.

"It must be nice to have that kind of trust in a relationship," she said. I almost choked. I told her I'd meet her at the Rose'n Crown, a quiet little bar in her neighborhood.

I spotted her as soon as I walked in. She was sitting at a little table in the back corner where we could talk quietly. As I got closer I could see the effect all this was having on her. There were dark circles under her eyes and they were red and puffy as if she'd been crying recently. The roots were showing under her dyed blond hair and it didn't look like she washed it in a week.

"Hi, Al," she greeted me with an obviously forced smile, "please have a seat." She gestured for the waitress. I ordered a lite beer then turned my attentions to Julie.

"So, how much do you know?" she asked, "I suppose you heard that I attacked Barb Troutwine last week," she said.

I thought it was probably better not to lie so I admitted I had talked to Terry.

"That son of a bitch husband of mine has been cheating on me," she blurted out, "not just with one woman, oh no, not him, with several; one of whom was Barb. I just saw red. I stormed over to her house, and before I knew it, she was down on the floor and I was kicking her."

I watched her hand shake as she took a sip of her white wine.

"I'm really surprised I'm not sitting in jail. I guess she feels to fucking guilty to press charges; anyway, I saw an attorney today and filed for divorce, that's where I was when you called."

"Julie, I'm so sorry," I said meaning every word, "Terry told me besides Barb, Sheryl Simmons was involved and two more women ... anyone I know?" I asked fishing.

"No, I don't think you know the others, they were two sluts from where he works," she stated, "one of whom was divorced but the other one is married, at least for the time being. I'm sure that'll be another marriage on the rocks because of my beloved husband," she derided.

It felt like a big boulder was lifted off my shoulders. There was no doubt in my mind now that Julie knew nothing about Jackie; now if Vic can only be trusted to keep his mouth shut. Just then Julie said something that made me even more comfortable.

"Don't tell anyone I said this, but I think Pete Simmons is the one who worked Vic over."

"Pete? Why? What makes you think he did it?" I asked with genuine shock.

"I don't know; I don't have any proof, he just seems like the type that would do something like that; you know, a no nonsense kind of guy, the kind of guy you don't want to cross."

She of course didn't realize it, but she hurting my feelings. I wanted to ask, what about me, I'm a no nonsense kind of guy too, but I obviously couldn't.

"So, speaking of Vic, when does he come home?" I asked.

"He doesn't," she said it like she meant it. "He was released from the hospital last Tuesday but he'll be in a nursing home for therapy for the next three months. That's the maximum length of time his insurance will pay for. I had all the locks changed already and my attorney said I would have no problem being able to stay in the house, at least until the divorce is final; Vic will just have to find an apartment when he gets out of that place."

"Holy cripe," I exclaimed, "three months in a nursing home; it sounds like whoever did beat him did a good job."

"Oh they sure did. The surgeon who tried putting him back together again wasn't to encouraging. Some of the bones around his ankle were so splintered and smashed up there wasn't a lot they could do. He'll never walk without pain again, that's if he ever walks again at all," she declared. "The doctor said only time will tell."

"Jeez," I said, "I had no idea he was that bad."

"Yeah, I doubt very much if he'll ever be able to work again."

I just shook my head. I supposed I should have felt some remorse but I didn't. My mind quickly flashed back to when I used Vic for batting practice. If there was any remorse at all, it was that I never got to his balls. I guess I should have gone after them first, but it wasn't like I'd had a lot of experience with that kind of thing. By the time I hit his elbow he was rolled up in a tight, little ball and screaming in pain. I just couldn't afford the time it would have taken to try and unravel him enough to get a shot between his legs. Too bad, I thought, oh well, it sounds like I got him better than I had realized; I'll just have to live with my disappointment.

"What are you going to do when you're a free woman?" I asked changing the subject. I didn't want to talk about Vic anymore.

"I'm thinking about moving back to Grand Rapids, that's where I'm from. My dad passed away a couple years ago but my mom is still alive, and I have a brother who still lives there; plus I still have friends in the area," she said with the first real smile she made all night.

For as long as I had known Julie we never really talked much. We made up for it that night. I think she was just happy to get her mind off her troubles for a while. The first indication of the time was when I unconsciously yawned.

"Oh my goodness," she said looking at her watch, "it's one o'clock in the morning. You better call Jackie she'll be worried about you. Oh God, Al, I didn't mean to keep you out this late, I hope Jackie won't be mad."

I could see she was genuinely concerned about making trouble. "Please, Julie, don't worry. I'm sure Jackie is sound asleep. Whatever you do though, don't call her saying you're sorry, I can guaranty she won't even know what time I get in," I told her being pleased with how cleverly I actually stated the truth.

"Okay, Al, I won't say anything. Thank you so much," she said with another smile, "I really needed someone to talk with tonight." She gave me a peck on the cheek and we both took off in different directions.

I didn't tell her, of course, but I enjoyed it as much as she did. I was getting lonely in that stupid motel room every night. To alleviate some of that loneliness I tried Plato's Place a couple nights after my usual dinner at Denny's. I don't really know why, I never considered myself the kind to pick women up in a bar; I was sure hoping one would pick me up though. Of course it never happened. Most of the time I'd sit on my favorite stool, lite beer in hand, and watch other couples come in and enjoy each other's company. The time wasn't completed wasted though, I discovered something; I learned that no matter how lonely you are when you're alone, being lonely in a crowd of people is worse.

That Saturday I could tell the kids were getting weary of the situation. I knew they wanted me back living in the house. After dropping them off I returned to my motel room to think. Once again I tried composing my thoughts into some kind of rationale, but instead I just starting to feel sorry for myself.

Why was I doing this, I wondered. At home I had a loving wife and four wonderful kids. Okay, so my loving wife cheated on me; so she's not the person I thought she was, that person would never even think of cheating on me. So I'm still hurting from the betrayal of our wedding vows, I'm sure the pain will go away after a while. Of course, then there's the issue of trust; how would I ever be able to trust her again? I wondered if I'd ever be able to make love to her again the way I used to, or would images of her and Vic flash through my mind; I wondered if I could ever just think of her as my wife again without attaching the caveat of adulteress.

Damn it, I thought, it's like I'm being pulled apart. One side of me wants to go home so bad I can taste it, but the other side of me keeps reminding me why it's not so easy to do. Before I can even think of reconciling with my wife I first have to reconcile with myself.

As I sat in the dark watching the neon sign flashing, "Vacancy," outside my window, I felt more tears running down my cheeks. One of these days, I told yours truly, I'm going to run out of those.

A couple days later Anne told me my wife was on the phone. I missed her; I think it showed in my greeting.

"Hi, Jackie," I answered with an upbeat tone in my voice. "How are you?"

"Hi, Al; I'm doing about as well as I can without my husband at my side," she said. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have said that, I know this is all my fault, I just miss you so much, Al."

"I know, Jackie, I miss you too; that doesn't mean I'm not still hurting though, because I am. I don't know that I'll ever get over the hurt, Jackie, I just don't know; anyway, was there anything specific or is this just a social call?"

"Ah, well there are a couple things," she said, "first I want to apologize for my outburst the other night when you told me about Vic and those other women. It just came as such a shock. After you called I thought about it, then I got scared; if he was having sex with that many women maybe I should get tested; so I made an appointment with the doctor. He just called; I'm free and clear, nothing, no STDs. I wanted to tell you as soon as I heard; I didn't know if you had gotten tested or not, but I wanted to let you know in case you were worried."

I sat there shocked; with everything going on, I never even thought of catching some sexually transmitted disease. I was glad Jackie had the presence of mind to consider something like that.

"That was good thinking," I told her, "to tell you the truth, I never gave it a thought. I'm glad you told me, thanks; I probably would have woken in a panic some night."

"Well, you would have thought about sooner or later; at least this is one thing you don't have to be concerned about. The other thing I want to tell you is that your parents invited us to dinner next Saturday. Do you think we can go, all of us; they haven't seen the kids in several weeks, and ... well, I thought maybe we could be a family again, even it was only for a day,"

I thought about it for a few seconds. It would be nice; I haven't seen the folks in a couple of months but... "Ah, I don't think that would be a good idea, Jackie. Right now we're not a happy family and I'm not going to lie to my folks by pretending to be."

"Okay," Jackie said, her tone showing obvious disappointment. "What should I tell them? We've never turned them down before, what excuse can I give your mother," she asked.

"I don't know," I said a little edgy, "tell her you didn't realize I had made plans already."

"Okay, Al," she said sadly, "I'll call her today and let her know."

"I'm sorry, Jackie, I'd like to go see them too; I just don't think it's a good idea right now; what if one of the kids said something about me living away from home, then we'd have to tell them everything; I'm just not ready to do that yet," I said.

"I know, Al, you're right. I give your mom a call a little later."

We talked for just a couple more minutes then hung up, but not before she told me again how much she loved me. I wished she would stop saying that, at least for a while; it just didn't make sense to me; I could never do what she did, never."

Later, as I watched the digital clock on my desk tick the minutes off, I hated to see the work day end. At least at work there was enough to keep my mind occupied on other things besides my personal problems, but as soon as I left the office they pretty much dominated my thoughts for the rest of the evening. The call from Jackie and having to turn down an invitation to my folks house would bring all my troubles to the forefront again and I knew I would be thinking of nothing else until I fell asleep ... if I got to sleep.

I decided to kick back one or two at Plato's Place on the way home ... home? Damn, I thought, Is that how I perceive that fucking motel room now, as my home?

When I walked into Plato's I almost turned right around and walked back out again; Terry was sitting at the bar and I wasn't sure I was in the mood to talk to him. I was there to forget my troubles, talking to him would do the opposite; oh well, who was I kidding, one or two drinks wasn't going to make me forget anyway. I walked over and took a seat next to him.

"Hi Terry, how are things going?" I asked.

He looked over my way with a stern expression on his face. "Hi, Al; how are things going? Huh, I wish I knew," he replied with a bitter tone to his voice. "I guess I'm going to try and forgive the bitch; she keeps telling how sorry she is and that It'll never happen again."

Terry poured what was left of his drink down his throat and ordered another. "Al, I hope you never have to go through anything like this, I mean that; I've always considered myself a pretty well put together kind of guy. I'm fairly intelligent, a hard worker, loving, honest, and I hope trustworthy; but nothing has ever affected me like this has."

He took a sip of his fresh drink and stared into the glass. "I'll tell you this, whoever beat the snot out of Hennesy did him a favor because if it had been me, I'd a killed the son-of-a-bitch. Sometimes that's the way I feel about Barb too; I just want to put my hands around her throat and squeeze, huh, then other times I want to wrap my arms around her and never let her go."

He turned and looked at me. "That's makes no sense at all, does it, Al?"

"Actually, Terry, it does," I told him knowing exactly how he felt.

As I sat there and listen to Terry talk about forgiving his wife I thought he actually made a pretty good case for staying together. He talked about his daughter, Audrey, and how he thought a divorce would affect her. He talked about them going to marriage counseling and I thought that might be an option for Jackie and me as well.

By the time we both walked out of there I felt better than I had since I listened to that phone call. Terry made a lot of sense to me and I was about eighty percent sure I was going to go back home and give my marriage another chance.

The next morning I heard my secretary's voice across the intercom telling me my mother was on the phone. Great, I thought, she's going to ask me what I'm doing Saturday that's more important than going over there for dinner. Well, I told myself, maybe it's time to patch things up anyway.

"Hello, mom," I greeted, "how are you and dad?"

"We're fine, honey," she answered, "I was disappointed to find out you won't be coming for dinner on Saturday."

"Well, I..." I was just going to tell her we would be able to make it after all when she interrupted me.

"What's going on, Al; are you cheating on Jackie?"

I was so shocked at the question I could feel my own mouth drop open. "Cheating on Jackie, what the hell gave you that idea?" I was flabbergasted.

"When she told me you guys couldn't make it for dinner I pushed her to find out why. I could hear her crying; I know you two are having troubles," she said, "that's obvious, and I got the impression you moved out of the house so you could be with someone else."

"Well you're wrong, mom, I'm not cheating on Jackie," I said emphatically. I wondered what Jackie said. I knew my mother had a tendency of jumping to conclusions sometimes and I wanted to believe that's what happened and that Jackie didn't lie to her.

"It is true that we're having problems, mom, but it has nothing to do with me cheating on her, believe me." We continued to talk, and by the time we hung up, I was pretty sure I had convinced my mother I wasn't cheating on my wife.

I wanted to give myself a few minutes to calm down before calling Jackie. I went down to the cantina and got a cup of coffee out of the machine and sat there sipping it for a while.

When I got back to my office Anne said I had a client on the phone so talking to him gave me even more time to settle down. By the time I finished the business call it was lunch time. It was almost one-thirty in the afternoon by the time I dialed my home number.

"Hello," I heard my wife's voice.

"Hi," I said still with a little anger in my voice. "How are you?"

"You mean aside from missing my husband?" she asked.

"Yeah, I mean aside from that," I replied.

"Well, physically I'm fine, emotionally I'm a wreck," she said. "I know I screwed up, Al, big time; I know I've hurt you terribly and if you'd just give me a second chance, I will work for the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

I sighed to myself. I was getting tired of hearing the same old song. I'd heard it so many times it was losing its meaning. Just then I remembered why I called.

"Jackie, what did you say to my mom the other day?"

"What do you mean, I told her what you said, that you had made other plans, why?"

"Well she called earlier today and accused me of cheating on you."

"What? Oh, honey, I never said anything like that, honest. I have no idea how she got that idea," she said in a panicky voice.

"She knew we were having problems; that's for sure. She said you gave her the impression I moved out of the house so I could be with someone else."

"Oh, Al, I don't know what I could have said that would make her think that. She kept asking question when I told her we couldn't make it over Saturday, but I never said anything about you and another woman," she said convincingly.

We talked a little more but she pretty well persuaded me that she was innocent of telling my mother I was running around with another woman.

The following Saturday I picked the kids up as usual. I was thinking of telling them I would be coming home the next day, but for some reason I was holding off. I was almost positive by that time I was going to give our marriage a second chance. I knew Jackie would agree to counseling but there was still a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach.