I sit here on this bar stool nursing my fifth beer, wondering 'why me?' I realize that I have led a full life and that I was a little wild when I was young and foolish, but I guess there is no fool like an old fool.

I knew my greatest mistake, or maybe my worst discovery, was an errant nail. Let me start at the beginning. My name is Robert Michael Forsythe; I am 60 years old today, and I discovered yesterday that my wife of 24 years has been unfaithful to me for at least the past ten years. My wife is eight years my junior and we met when I was just starting as a manager in training for a packaging firm north of Pittsburg in western Pennsylvania. I had just retired from the US Army as a Major when the military was being downsized back in 1988.

I was a bad boy when I was younger. My parents worked a farm for most of my life, until I was about 14 when we moved into the city after my father left the farm in western New York to my older brother and his wife. I was a late in life baby; my mom was 42 when I was born and my next oldest sibling was my sister, Gretchen, at 19, then came my brother, James, who was 22. Because I worked on that farm for most of my life, I was quite strong. I was tall at 5-11, but skinny at 105 lbs. At school, there was one boy who was the biggest bully there. His name was Gordon Turner, and he was the star running back for the football team. He was about 5-11, but weighed in at 140 and none of it was fat. He had always left me alone, but not some of my friends.

I had glasses at 14, you know the big, thick, black-rimmed ones, and I was smart. We were tested for IQ when we entered high school, and mine was 141. Anyway, right before school started one day when I was 16, Gordon was pushing two of my friends around and demanding lunch money. James Sherman was about 5-5 and maybe 130 lbs, and Bill Hiller was 5-6 and 90 lbs, and neither was very strong or athletic; they would have been today's typical nerds. Gordon punched James in the arm hard, and he fell. I walked over and pulled Gordon around by the cocked arm that was aimed for Bill, and as he came around, I hit him on the side of the jaw, then in the stomach. Gordon went down and I told him, "If you want to fight, pick on me, not these two," and the three of us walked away.

Needless to say, I was called into the Principal's office and was suspended for ten days for fighting. Gordon received no punishment. When I got home, my punishment was a whipping from a lilac switch across my bare ass. It was at least two hours before I could sit at all, and even then I needed a very soft pillow. I tried to explain my side of the story, but since I was condemned by the school, I was wrong and they were right.

I must say this, though; at 61 my father was a force to be reckoned with after all that work on the farm. He was short on temper and long on discipline. After my ten day suspension, I came back and Gordon had a small party waiting for me. He now enlisted the help of three of his teammates, since his jaw was wired shut and he had 2 cracked ribs, courtesy of me. The three jumped me about a block from school and two of them each grabbed an arm to hold me as Tim Bryant, the center, attempted to pound on me for Gordon. I surprised them all by dragging the two holding my arms in front of me just as Tim threw his first punch, which hit Gary Silver in his left kidney, and he was out of the fight. As he dropped my arm, I elbowed Henry Darling in the stomach, then backhanded him to his face as well. Now it was just Tim and I, and I proceeded to beat him fiercely, and he was soon down on the ground. Henry was getting up when I kicked him in the chest and I heard a crack. I looked for Gordon and saw him running toward school.

Needles to say, by the time I got to school, the police were there and I could see ambulances heading for where I left Gordon's friends. I was taken to jail and I appeared before a judge and my father the next day. I explained my side of the story of both fights and Gordon's prior bullying, to no avail however. The judge asked my father if he would prefer that I went to the juvenile detention center until I was eighteen or if he would sign a waiver, I could go into the service for a four year minimum hitch. My father signed the waiver and I was sent to boot camp the very next day.

My career with the Army was really to my advantage. I entered the service as a very disgruntled grunt, and retired twenty years later as a Major with full retirement entitlements and a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering and a master's in business administration. I tried to find work around my hometown in New York, but there was nothing. I did find a packaging plant just over the border in Pennsylvania. They were looking for management trainees, and I submitted my resume and got an interview. With my new military bearing and my degrees, I was hired on the spot and over the next 24 years, I went from trainee to CEO. When I retired early at age 60, I was still a member of the company's Board of Directors.

Within a month of starting, I met Ellen Harper, a 28 year old secretary to the assistant director of operations. I found out that she was still single and had been hit on by just about every man in the office, including some of the salesmen who came in. I asked if she would show me around to get me acquainted with the operation and how things worked here, as well as the area. Ellen had been at the company for four years now.

At 36, I was 6'-1", 195 lbs, very fit, and I guess I was considered handsome by some. I had never married, although I never wanted for female companionship since entering the service. With me being new to the area and to the company, I needed help adapting. Ellen thought she could help me in that regard. We were dating exclusively within six months, and at nine months, I asked this dynamo for her hand in marriage. I was ready to settle down and be with one woman for the rest of my life. She accepted and we were wed before the year was up.

I had not made love to Ellen before our engagement, and only when we had set a date did I ask if it would be alright if we became lovers. I insisted that she either be on the pill or I would use condoms. I had always been a 'be prepared' kind of guy. I think Ellen appreciated that in me. I took things slow in my courting her and I hoped that she appreciated that as well, even though the time from when we started dating to our marriage was short.

My God, the sex was fantastic. Our first night was such a grand event. We went to Red Lobster, her favorite restaurant for dinner, then to a lounge we had frequented for dancing and some drinks. She asked me to take her home at eleven that night. I said 'sure', and as I was driving to her apartment, she said, "No, Bob, your place, not mine."

This was new. I drove to my apartment, we went upstairs, and I led her in. I asked if she wanted something to drink, and she said, "No, Bob, we came here for things other than more drinks," as she headed into my bedroom, unbuttoning her blouse. Needless to say, I followed in the wake of her shed clothes. When I arrived in the bedroom, I saw an angel lying on my bed in her bra and panties. I quickly shed my clothes down to my boxers, then joined her on the bed after folding her clothes and mine, putting them on a chair.

From there I proceeded to kiss every bit of her that I could get to, starting with her face and finishing up at her toes, going back to her bra covered breasts, where I found that she had on a front snap bra. I unsnapped it, and peeling the cups from her mounds, I kissed each exposed inch of her magnificent mammaries. Calling them tits somehow just didn't seem appropriate to me at the time or place. I continued to kiss, nibble, and tease her flesh as goose bumps rose all over her body. I then proceeded south with my hand, caressing her steaming flesh. As I rubbed her mound with my fingers, I could feel the wetness increase dramatically. Ellen was moaning and saying "My God ... so good. I never expected!" then I heard, "I'm coming, I'm coming already, and you haven't even started yet. I love you, Robert Forsythe!" My last name was drawn out as her orgasm hit her like a freight train. I continued to slowly rub her mound, but stayed away from her clit and nether lips.

Once she calmed down some, I slipped my fingers into her panties and pulled slightly as she arched her butt on the bed, allowing me to remove her soaked and soggy panties. Once they were off her body, I took them into the bathroom and put them in the sink, retrieved a towel, and went back to the bedroom. I slid the towel under her and she looked at me questioningly. I said, "I'm sure that neither of us wants to sleep in the wet spot once we are done here."

I saw love in her eyes, and there was more there too, but I was unsure about what it was. I think it might have been gratitude for thinking ahead.

As I climbed back on the bed, I had a condom that I put aside for later, and started kissing Ellen's legs from her knees up to her juncture. Once I was close, Ellen grabbed my hair and pulled me to her leaking pussy. I dove in with gusto and licked and kissed everywhere. I ran my tongue up and down her russet lips and they parted like the petals of a flower opening to the morning sun. I probed all along her slit until her fiery furnace opened up, then I drove my tongue tip into her opening. My nose bumped her burgeoning love button, and it set her off on another orgasm, although not quite the same intensity as the first one. I continued to make love to her portal of love and she continued to gain higher and higher plateaus of pleasure until she finally succumbed to the ultimate conclusion of my lovemaking. In desperation, she held my mouth to her spasming body until she was exhausted and fell back to the bed to regain her strength.

I wiped my mouth on the towel, and then climbed up the bed to hold her in my arms and cuddle her until she was able to continue.

Once Ellen regained her breath and some of her composure, she said, "Bob, I don't know where you learned to make love like that, but I hope that this is what I have to look forward to for the rest of our lives."

"Ellen, my love, I will not say where I learned the ways of loving a woman, just suffice to say that, 'you ain't seen nothing yet'. We're not done by a long shot, but yes, this is how I will make love to you until I can no longer take a breath of air."

"Oh, Bob, I love you," Ellen said, as she snuggled into my arms and soon was fast asleep. It was about a couple of hours later that early Sunday morning when I was awakened by someone sucking the lengthening stalk of my manhood. Once Ellen knew I was awake, she took a condom, rolled it on my shaft, and impaled herself on my cock, sliding back and forth while leaning on her arms as her pleasure center happily stroked my pubic bone. I was able to last for about three minutes this time before I felt my nuts retract and I said, "I'm coming, Sweetheart, come with me."

Just as I could hold out no longer, I felt her insides grip and spasm around my spear and I launched a load of sperm into the condom's reservoir. Ellen slowly moved off me, pulled the used rubber from my shrinking shaft, and put it on the towel, which she then moved to the side of the bed before cuddling back into my arms.

That is how we spent every Saturday evening until our marriage. We would go out to eat and dance, then come back to my apartment and make love all night long. Ellen moved in with me once we returned from our honeymoon in Niagara Falls, and we were deliriously happy.

About a year later, she came to me saying that she thought she was pregnant. We had her see the doctor and confirmed that the rabbit died. I had moved up a couple of rungs on the corporate ladder, so we bought a house. My parents had died, and I had invested my inheritance so that I was able to buy a four bedroom home in a very nice part of town that would denote our future importance. Mary was born shortly after we moved in to our new home, and Robert Junior came along two years later. We really didn't want more children, so I had a vasectomy when she was in the hospital having RJ. Since we couldn't have sex for at least six weeks after his birth, we figured that would be a great time for me to be snipped.

Life was great for the next twenty years; we raised our children and grew old together. Our sex life did diminish some, but let's face it, we weren't kids anymore but we still managed quality lovemaking much as when we started some 24 years ago. The frequency was down to about three times a month now, but I was extremely happy about that, and I thought Ellen was too.

This is when I found that nail that killed our marriage; well it about killed me too. I think the marriage was dead a long time ago if what I found was any indication. I was in the home office we had which was one of the four bedrooms. Ellen had an antique desk that had been in her family for several generations. It was a large secretary desk with the fold down writing surface, ornate carvings inside at the top two inches, and many cubby holes to store writing materials and such. Ellen had her laptop that she carried to and from work for many years which now stayed at home there, as she had a new one for work that was much smaller. She was now the personal secretary for the CFO of the company. My assistant moved into my spot when I retired, and the director of operations moved into the assistant's spot.

Anyway, as I walked by her desk, I saw a nail or something sticking out of the side near the top. It was loose and I pulled it out and heard a wooden clunk inside the desk. I thought "Oh, oh, I really did it this time' and opened the desk to see the damage. A hidden drawer had dropped down from the scrollwork at the top of the desk, and there were lots of memos, notes, and papers. I really didn't want to pry, but I was curious as to how long they had been in the desk. Imagine my surprise when I read e-mails that were dated as recently as a week ago. They were e-mails from the CFO to Ellen, some from the ex-director of operations to her, and some of them were from her as well. They were love letters and reminders of secret meetings with each other. Not both at the same time, but her with each of them.

I read them all, then thought if there was one secret drawer, there should be two, so I looked and sure enough there was another drawer. This one had a calendar memo book and a package of birth control pills, along with some more letters. A few of the letters were dated almost ten years ago. My GOD, Ellen has been cheating on me for ten years. That would be when the kids were just becoming teenagers. I took everything and went over to my printer and scanned everything in, including the birth control pill case with the prescription and doctor's name. I put everything back where I found it and put the nail back in the desk.

I was devastated; all these years and I never knew. When could it have happened, and the big thing is 'WHY'?

Thank God both kids were out on their own now. Well, RJ was still in college, but Mary was now married and pregnant with their first. But why did she start? What possessed her to start? I tried to think back to ten years ago. That would have been when Ellen was 42; had something happened about then? I couldn't remember anything, and then it hit me that both her parents died within less than six months of each other. Her father died first from colon cancer, and her mother died about five months later. We think it was self-induced. She kind of quit eating, and by the time we could see what was happening it was too late, and she had succumbed to pneumonia from being so weak. I know I was there for her; I don't know how many nights I just lay there in bed, held and cuddled her, and let her know that I loved her. I guess she decided she wanted more than I could give her.

When Ellen came home that night, I had her favorite dish prepared; tilapia fillets in lemon pepper sauce. I had some nice white wine and candles on the dining room table. I had her sit on the sofa when she got home and I rubbed her sore feet as I knew she always complained how much they now hurt her after a long day. She arrived home at seven, even though she was supposed to get off at five. As I was rubbing her feet, I noticed her wet panties and slickened thighs. I said nothing until after dinner when we sat on the sofa and enjoyed a glass of wine after the meal.

"Ellen, please can you answer something for me?"

She dreamily said, "Of course, my love, what do you want to know?"

"Why did you feel you had to cheat on me for ten years with Rodney Coleman, then with Dennis Farley, too? I really can't understand why."

"Oh MY GOD, how did you ... Oh, I'm so sorry, Bob; I never meant to hurt you. I don't really know; I guess I was feeling so low when my mom died so soon after Daddy, and I felt so old. You tried to cheer me up, but I just felt so old, then Rod told me he thought I needed a change and we went on that conference trip where things got out of hand. He said I was so beautiful and young-looking before, but I had let myself go and he wanted to help me get back to my old self. Oh, Bob, I can see I have hurt you so bad. I'm so very sorry, I can make it up to you, I promise. Just let me make it up to you ... I'll..." and she fell apart bawling.

I got up and walked into our bedroom and grabbed my suitcases and left her sitting there on the sofa crying. I went to a hotel in town and checked in. I had called and made a reservation earlier. I had my laptop with all the evidence. I had called my lawyer and the bank, and frozen our assets until further notice. My lawyer suggested a sharp female divorce lawyer who hated cheating spouses and would do about anything to hurt them. She was cheated on, both when she was in law school and during her first and only marriage. Like I said, she hated cheaters.

I turned my cell phone off before I left the house, but called both kids from the hotel and said that their mom and I needed some time alone for a while. Mary asked me, "Dad, what did you do? Did you cheat on Mom or did you hit her?"

"No, Sweetheart, I didn't do anything except love her too much. You'll have to ask your mother why we are not together right now, if ever again."

"OMG, she cheated on you. Can you forgive her, Daddy? I know she loves you."

"I don't think so, it started too long ago."

"So it's been going on for a while, what two months ... six months?"

"You need to talk to your mother. I need to call your brother. I'll call you again, but I have my cell off right now. Remember that I love you, Pumpkin." I hung up and called my son's cell. It was busy, so I would try again later.

It's been a very lonely day. So now here I sit on this barstool, nursing my beer, and trying to figure out what I did wrong. I had been to the bank and my lawyer's; I was now in the hotel bar and I came up empty-handed as I thought about the past. I have been using that little blue pill for the last five years to make sure that I could keep up with Ellen for the actual penetration part of our sex life, but I never have needed any assistance for the oral. Now I guess I shouldn't have even bothered. It wouldn't have mattered one little bit. God, what a fool I was to think that I could marry a woman eight years younger than me and still keep her satisfied.

The bartender says it's closing time; my God it's already 2:00 AM. I ask if I'm paid up, and he nods as I stagger off my stool and head for the door so that I can drag myself up to my room and try to get some sleep. Too bad this hotel only has three floors, otherwise I could go up to the roof and throw myself off, and end this miserable existence. But there is nothing above five floors in this small town, and that's not high enough to make sure I would be dead if I splattered. I think I read somewhere that you had to be up at least seven stories to reach terminal velocity and be able to kill yourself from the fall. I guess I will have to go to a big city and jump off one of their buildings. Maybe I'll try skydiving, then jam the chute when I solo and just fall from a great height. Who am I kidding? I couldn't make the cut anymore. I don't like heights now, even though I did have my jump wings, but that was a long time ago. I guess I just will have to kill myself some other way.

I did drop off to sleep sometime early this morning; I think the alcohol had something to do with it.

I was awakened by someone vigorously shaking me. Through the cloud of alcoholic stupor, I could hear, "Wake up, Bob, wake up damn you."

"Well, damn you too, you cheating whore, who asked you to come find me? I know I sure didn't, now leave me alone so I can die in peace."

"Bob, please come home where you belong. We need to talk more. Oh, God, I'm so very sorry I hurt you like this. You were never supposed to know."

"Too Damn Bad, and too damn late too!!! I do know, and I can't live with what you have done to our family and what you did to me. You should have to live forever knowing the hurt you caused me. I never even thought to cheat on you; and boy did I have opportunities, but I loved you too much to hurt you like that. I found my true love and she shit on that love for ten fucking years. Now go get fucked by Rodney or Dennis, or take them both on for that matter. I would almost pay to see that. Now get lost, you whoring bitch, and leave me alone in my misery." I think I slurred the last part, because I passed out from the pain in my heart.

I woke up sometime later, but I wasn't in my hotel room. I looked around and I had all kinds of wires and tubes running into or out of me. I had to be in a hospital somewhere. I looked closely and noticed I was inside some plastic tent thing, but I couldn't see clearly without my glasses or contacts. I finally looked toward the left side and saw my daughter sitting in the chair reading. I croaked out, "Hi, Punkin." It hurt too much to say more, but I think she heard me because she jumped up and ran outside.

She came back in with a nurse, I think, because she was fussing with the tubes and wires. She said something to Mary, but I couldn't hear it too good with all the noise inside this tent. I realized that it was an oxygen tent, and from that I assumed that I had a heart attack in the hotel when Ellen tried to wake me up. I guess I got too excited trying to get her to go away.

After the nurse left, Mary came close to the plastic and said, "Daddy, are you feeling better now? We have all been worried about you. You had a heart attack and Mom drove you here to the hospital and got you here in time. They're pretty sure there wasn't very much damage, but you have been asleep for three days now. Mom went home to shower and change, and she should be back anytime now. What?"

I had tried to say to tell that cheating whore to never come near me again, but the only noise that came out was "No."

"No what, Daddy? No, you're not going to die yet. You have to see your new grandbaby. Mom told us what she did and for how long too. RJ and I are not speaking to her yet, but she has been here the whole time except for when I have let her go home to change. What, Daddy?"

I was shaking my head no, but couldn't move it much and said, "No Bitch."

"You don't want to see her, Daddy, is that it?" I nodded my head for yes. "I'll try, Daddy, but she is kind of like you, and is awfully stubborn. She blames herself for everything, even the heart attack; yeah, I know she should be to blame." I was nodding again. "But she swears that she loves only you and that they meant nothing. She says that she was hypnotized into doing it." I could feel tears running down my cheeks. "I know, Daddy, how she could say she loves you that much and do what she did for so long."

"No love." I croaked out.

"Yeah, that isn't love by my book either, Daddy. I guess she can justify it in her own mind, but I don't see it that way myself either. I think that she is sorry, but it doesn't ease the hurt, does it?"

I shook my head and said "Lawyer."