Chapter 5

"Seth?" I whispered his name, feeling shy and nervous, even a little frightened as I woke him up. He'd brought me home. To his home which was a large, three bedroom house that he was finishing himself. It was nice and I'd explored it, just a little.

"Hmmm..." he opened his eyes with a soft sigh and then a smile. "You're still here."

"Yeah," I tried to smile back. "I ... I made you breakfast. Some coffee."

"Okay," he cleared his throat and sat up slowly, looking at me.

I felt vaguely embarrassed because I was wearing one of his dress shirts. I'd rolled the sleeves up and it covered me to mid thigh, showing off my smooth brown legs and hanging loosely over my breasts. I hadn't been thinking about it at the time, but I was suddenly aware of how attractive I must have looked in it. Seth and I were sharing an intimacy I hadn't planned on.

"I hope you don't mind..." I started and he cut me off.

"No, it looks great on you," he said and then caught himself. "I'll, uh ... I'm going to clean up and then..."

"Okay," I nodded quickly and I realized he wanted a little privacy, which might have seemed odd after what we'd done the night before.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee in his button down dress shirt and nothing else. My thong had been a disaster, my dress as well and I'd washed them in the sink. So I was sitting in a man's kitchen, a white man's kitchen, bottomless and wearing his shirt and drinking his coffee. I was humiliated to recall the things I'd done the night before. How I'd cheated on my husband and let Seth put his cock inside me and fill my unprotected womb with his seed. I tried not to think about it, but what else was there?

Seth had called me a slut and maybe that's what I was now. A cheating wife and a whore, and I'd done things with the man that I'd never imagined before in my life. I should have run away and I could have. I could have called my husband, but then what? I'd confess? Would Richard hate me for what I'd done or would he jerk off listening to me describe how Seth had fucked me. I wanted neither of those things and for the life of me I couldn't find a third possibility. I had nowhere else to go.

"Good morning," Seth smiled at me and he was clean and washed after what must have been a quick shower.

He was wearing a red bathrobe faded to pink, just a little too small perhaps, and I imagined he'd had it forever without much use for it until this morning. His black hair was combed and his blue eyes were clear, his cheeks scrubbed pink. Seth looked nice like that and I averted my eyes, not because I felt desire for him, but because I knew the desire was there. I'd felt it the night before and surrendered to it completely and I was afraid of it.

"Hi," I said, glancing up for just that second and then away as I felt my body burning with humiliation. What was I doing there?

"This looks great, Amber," Seth told me sitting down and I'd prepared an omelet for him. "Thank you."

"I told you I can cook," I said, trying to smile and I didn't know what to do with my eyes.

"And clean too," Seth looked around his kitchen. "You didn't have to do that."

"I..." I cleared my throat, looking down at my coffee. "I thought that's what you wanted."

"Last night," Seth said slowly, "I said some things, a lot of things that I ... thought you wanted to hear. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me," I lied.

"I did." He was looking at me. "I'm sorry, Amber. You're beautiful and amazing and I just ... I don't know. I think I was punishing you."

"Punishing me?" I looked up at him, biting my lip.

"Maybe," he sighed. "I'm not really good at, uh ... sorting out my feelings like this. Um..."

"Okay," I almost smiled as I tried to understand what he was saying.

"A woman like you should be with a man who loves her," Seth told me. "I don't know why you're not with your husband, but last night all I could think of was how stupid he must be."

"So..." I did smile then. "You were punishing my husband?"

"Heh," Seth smiled back at me. "I don't know ... maybe ... I was acting like a little kid, you know? Wanting to break a toy because he can't have it."

"I'm not a toy," I said softly.

"I know that," he said into my eyes. "I never thought you were."

"I know." I blinked at him, at the sincerity there.

"But that's how I felt," Seth looked down and shook his head. "I know you love your husband..." he looked up suddenly and caught my eyes once more. "I just wish I knew how that feels."

"To love my husband?" I joked weakly, stirring my coffee and wondering if I really wanted to hear this or not.

"No."

"You don't even know me," I said, lifting my cup. "Maybe everything is my fault."

"Some of it maybe," Seth shrugged. "But not all of it, Amber. I know that much."

I sipped my coffee, trying to digest what Seth had told me. He was a different man, or no ... He was the same man, but in a different light and he was seeing me differently as well, I thought. He was telling me how he felt, as much as he could without hurting us, and that seemed more than Richard had been willing to do for me.

"I'll never treat you that way again," Seth told me after half a minute of silence. "I'm ... ashamed of myself actually," he cleared his throat. "I owe you an apology and..."

"I was there," I told him. "I wanted it, you were right. You didn't force me to do anything, Seth."

"I didn't ask either, did I?" he frowned.

"I didn't want you to," I told him and for all my doubts, on this one point I was crystal clear. "I wanted to be with a man who wanted me. Someone who was strong enough to take me and make me his own. You did that."

"I might have made you pregnant," Seth said, watching my face as he spoke. "Is that what you wanted too?"

"I want a baby," I said, but I was shaking my head. "But not like that, no. I ... I don't feel good about that."

"Okay," Seth nodded. "Are you angry about it?"

"Maybe," I took a deep breath and felt the wetness welling up in my eyes. "Yeah. I'm angry I let it happen. I feel ... I feel like a slut. I feel humiliated by it."

"You're not a slut," Seth told me and I choked back a soft sob as he pushed himself from the table, coming to my side.

"I'm a whore," I moaned, shutting my eyes tightly as Seth pulled me against his body, cradling me against him while I sat there.

"No, you're not," he whispered. "You're nothing like that at all. I'm so sorry, Amber. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I did it. I'm sorry. I cheated on my husband. I did it..." I was saying the same things over and over, crying as I felt a deep sense of self-pity washing over me.

I found myself in Seth's bed, but I don't remember exactly how I got there. I'd been crying and then sleeping and Seth was with me. I was on my side, still wearing his shirt and I could feel him behind me, his left arm under my head, his right over my waist, hugging me tightly. I felt safe, but I was in his bed and I didn't know what he wanted. I didn't know what I was doing there.

"Are you awake?" I whispered.

"I'm here," Seth moved slightly and I felt his breath in my hair.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked him.

"I'm thinking ... I wish I could have last night to do over again," Seth sighed. "I'd do it differently."

"Would you?" I closed my eyes against the sunlight streaming through his bedroom windows. It was too bright for this. "What would you do different?"

"Everything," he said. "I'd have watched you smile."

"Hmmm..."

"And listened to your laugh," Seth told me. "I'd have smelled your hair and held your hand."

"That's all?"

"That would have been enough, Amber." Seth shook his head slowly and I could feel his face in my hair. "I'd have wanted to kiss you goodnight and been too shy to try."

"I don't believe you," I smiled.

"I spoiled it," he sounded so disappointed. "I spoiled everything last night."

"You're forgetting something."

"What's that?"

"I'm still here, Seth," I said gently.

"Are you, Amber?" Seth asked me. "I'm afraid to wake up."

"Hmmm ... Seth," I sighed and I was feeling it, the warmth of his voice in my tummy. "I don't know what I'm doing."

I was telling him the truth, we both were, and I honestly didn't know if I was with him because I wanted to be, or if it was because I had no place else to go. I couldn't forgive myself for what I'd done and that was what he was trying to offer me. Seth wanted to love me, I thought. He'd said everything but that and his voice dripped with the desire to express his feelings. He'd forgive me for what I'd let him do to me. Seth would even take the responsibility, all of it ... if I let him.

I'd known him for a single night and what did I feel now? Warm and safe, comfortable enough to be honest. I had no fear of him. Did I love him? I didn't know and somehow that seemed worse. His words thrilled me, like fingers stroking my wounded heart. Seth's voice was soothing and necessary, it was a moment unlike any other in my experience, laying on his bed and imagining a perfect night and lamenting its loss. He was pushing my guilt away and yet I clung to it as if it were all that remained of my marriage.

"Amber..." Seth's right hand found my right arm and he followed it down to my hands, clasped together at my breasts.

"I'm here," I agreed.

"I know I'm awake now," he sighed a moment later and I felt his thumb rubbing my wedding ring.

"I can't take it off."

"I know."

"Does it make you jealous?" I wondered and I frowned at my question, hating myself for asking it.

"Yeah," Seth breathed. "I'm sorry."

"Will you make love to me?" I whispered, taking his hand in both of mine and bringing it to my lips.

"I have to know what you want," he said.

"I haven't loved my husband in ... a long time," I kissed his fingers. "Now I wonder if I ever did."

"Okay."

"He's not a jealous man," I said softly. "He's not a bad man either. He's good to me, but ... he wants to share me. I'm not enough for him and I ... I hate that. He makes me feel small."

"You're enough, Amber." Seth was kissing my hair, kissing my neck and I swallowed hard.

"He doesn't make me feel like this," I opened Seth's fingers and kissed his palm. "He doesn't make me tremble anymore."

"I can't remember yesterday," Seth followed my shoulder, kissing me through the thin cotton of his shirt. "The world without you in it..."

"I know," I kissed his middle finger, guiding it between my moist lips.

" ... was an empty place," he sighed as I took his finger into my mouth, sucking it gently and playing my tongue around it.

I did that with each of his fingers, one by one until they were wet and glistening and touching my flushed cheek. Seth turned my face and I found his eyes with mine and I felt it inside me, the small tremble of anticipation, the juvenile fear that none of this was real and perhaps we really were only dreaming. He kissed my shoulder and then my cheek and then my mouth, lightly at first and then deeper.

Seth's tongue found mine and I moaned as I turned towards him, onto my back with his broad chest across my breasts. We kissed passionately and perhaps it wasn't so different from the night before, but it seemed new and exciting. I felt little of the guilt and none of the fear that had distressed me earlier, the depression fled beneath Seth's tenderness. The pain my life had become couldn't withstand the pleasure he was giving me. If only my husband had been such a man ... But that was a fleeting thought and I didn't want it.

He took me gently, covering my body with his and watching my face while his cock entered my ready sex. I stared into his eyes, nodding my head and biting my lip as I felt the heat of his presence stretching my tender pussy. Seth was slow and gentle and we spoke not at all. He stroked my hair and kissed my lips and cheeks from time to time, and I pulled him into me harder and faster as I felt my orgasm rising.

"Seth..." I gasped, blinking rapidly and wrapping my legs around his waist, tugging at his shoulders as I came.

His mouth found mine again and he kissed me while my cunt collapsed around him, my black pussy contracting around his white cock with orgasmic pleasure. I was filled with nothing but desire for him and more than that, I was falling in love with him. It was undeniable as I held the man, panting for air and biting his shoulder as he began to thrust inside me once again. I was cumming again and not only because it felt so good, but because we weren't fucking for mere pleasure. We were making love and I'd never experienced it before. It had nothing to do with our skin, but everything to do with our hearts.

"Amber ... I'm going to cum, baby..." Seth whispered, working his cock inside me with a slow, hard grind. He was right on the edge and holding himself deep, waiting for me."

"Me too ... oh don't ... don't pull out ... inside me..." I panted lifting my hips and thrusting myself against him. I was there. I was going to have one more cum and I wanted it to be with him.

"Yeah ... Oh! Amber!" Seth gasped, arching his back and that was it for me. As soon as I felt his cock spasm and his semen jetting into the depths of my pussy, I was cumming.

"Seth! Ummm..." I closed my eyes tightly, kissing him blindly, pulling the man to my mouth as I shoved my tongue into his mouth.

"I love you, Amber," he breathed a moment later, still inside me, still leaking his sperm inside my womb.

"I love you," I sighed and all I could do was look at him and know I'd spoken the truth. I'd never be able to hide anything from this man, he'd seen all of me already and we'd barely met.

Seth remained inside me and unlike with my husband, I was in no hurry to let him go. I kept my arms around him, my legs as well. His cock softened, but it was still embraced tightly along with his sperm and I wondered if I was really pregnant or not. I was frightened of the idea, unable to imagine explaining it to Richard or my family. Other possibilities were unthinkable and I refused to entertain them. If I was pregnant, I decided, I was going to keep my baby.

"I don't want to let you go," Seth smiled at me after several minutes of just touching each other.

"Don't," I smiled back at him. "Don't pull out of me. It feels good like this."

"I'm going to get hard again," he warned me playfully, moving slightly with his hips and we were as close to each other as possible down there. His balls tickled my ass and I could feel his damp pubic hair mingling with my own. There was no part of his cock that my pussy didn't caress with the small contractions that refused to fade with my climax.

"I won't mind," I said lifting my head off the pillow and stealing a kiss simply because I had to. "How old are you?"

"Twenty seven," Seth told me. "I was born in St. Paul and spent two years in the army, came back and started working construction ... and ... I dunno. That's about all of me, right there."

"Hmmm..." I smiled at that, all of him was inside me. "Never been married?"

"No," he shook his head. "I never wanted to before."

"Before?" I giggled and let it go. "How about kids?" I asked without thinking and then winced inwardly, but Seth was smiling.

"As many as I can," he told me and we were quiet for a minute. "Amber, if you're..."

"Pregnant?" I asked softly, feeling him harden again, growing unmistakably firm inside my pussy.

"Yeah," he cleared his throat.

"I might not be," I told him, but I didn't believe that and I think he saw it in my face.

"I'll support whatever you want to do," he told me quietly. "But if, uh ... I'd rather see our baby, take care of it, instead of..."

"You would?" I felt a sense of relief because I'd been worried that he'd demand an abortion. The fear of what he'd say, how Seth would react, had been gnawing at me and I suddenly felt lighter than air. I felt as if he'd breathed something inside me, a new life to go with my new baby; I can't explain it and I barely realized how anxious I'd been until it was gone.