Have you ever made a mistake so big that it just fucked up your whole life? And then looked back and said," If I could only go back to (insert date and time here) then everything would be alright?

Well if you've ever done that, you know like I do, that often our lives and our happiness hinges on a single assumption, choice, decision or omission. Sometimes there are predators who help to push us through or into those terrible decisions as well. I met a predator like that and she helped me fuck up my life.

I'm standing down the street from my house right now, staring at my front door through binoculars. I'm hoping for one chance to get my life back, no matter what it takes. Nope, this won't do at all. You don't know me or anything about me and you don't know how I got here, or the details. I guess I should start somewhere near the beginning.

My name is Joyce Brooks. I wish I could tell you that I'm a tall blond Nordic super model type, but I'd be lying my ass off because none of that is true. I'm 37 years old, I have brown hair, and I'm barely 5' 1' so tall would be a stretch of the imagination.

I'm neither thin or fat, I'm kind of in the middle. I don't have giant boobs and the ones I do have no longer point towards the ceiling. Both my bust and my ass gave up the battle against gravity years ago. My tummy is kind of soft and rounded, but my husband Greg never seemed to mind it. That stupid man loved my body and all of its imperfections. In fact he worshipped every part of me like I was something precious.

Every night when we got into bed and saw all of those hollywood types on TV, running around in their short skirts and tall heels with their flat tummies he'd gently wrap his arms around me. I'd tell him to stop rubbing my stomach because it was round and soft. He'd tell me that he made it that way by putting his babies in it and he loved it.

Then he'd start rubbing his dick against my ass, so I knew what he wanted. And two or sometimes three times a week, I'd let him have what he wanted. Boy what a fool I was. When I look back on it now I should have been fuc ... Nope that wasn't my incident of pivotal stupidity, but you're right, it is taking me a while to get there. Be patient, I'm trying to let you see what my life used to be like.

Anyway Greg, was 36, yep I robbed the cradle. He was born a full year and 2 days after me. We grew up in the same small town, played together as kids, went to school and college together and got married soon after. We both looked for and found jobs in Chicago, so we moved here soon after we got married.

We have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. We waited until we were financially stable to have them. Our son Jeff, is 8 and his sister Katie is 6. We live in a beautiful Colonial home in a very nice neighborhood in a suburb of Chicago. Everything about my life was beautiful.

There was nothing wrong with my husband, my life or my family, I just went bat shit crazy and fucked it all up.

Even my job, though boring, wasn't stressful or demanding. I worked from 7 a.m. until 3 p.m. Monday through Friday as a clerk for a shipping and receiving company. All I had to do was process and print out invoices that someone else turned into shipping labels. Labels that yet another person put onto packages and shipped them to someone else. I was just a single cog in a very large process. I think that was the problem. As I neared forty, I started to think of myself as plain and boring. It just seemed like everyone else had fun and excitement in their lives, and I was just another drab boring housewife.

If I died, the world would never even notice. That was the way I was feeling the day this all started, and my happy life ended. Greg had taken some time off from work to take me out to lunch. Even then he was being a great husband. He'd noticed the disturbance in the force, aka my emotional mood swings and was trying to cheer me up. He'd just walked me back to my desk and kissed me goodbye, when "she," came over.

"Hi, Joyce," she said. "She," being Wanda Newcastle, the office "hot girl," and the woman who launched all of the boners in the company. I'm sure you all know the type. She has long bleached blond hair, big boobs and a cute little voice. She laughs at all of the jokes the guys tell, sometimes even the funny ones. She doesn't mind it when the guys "accidentally," rub up against her and sometimes even does it herself. She disappears repeatedly into the stockroom all during the week. And though she never seems to do any work, her job gets done just the same.

This opened my eyes up a bit because I was sure that until that moment, Wanda had never bothered to say more than two words to any of the women in our office. The rumor was that her voice was only audible to men. I was sure that she had never before uttered even one syllable to me.

"You seem a little bit down, today," she said. "I just thought I'd come over and see if there was anything I could do to make you feel better."

"It's nothing," I said. "Just the emotional ups and downs that all women go through from time to time."

"I hear you," she said. "And of course everyone around us is so busy with their own crap that they never think to ask about us."

I started thinking that maybe I'd misjudged Wanda. She didn't seem so bad.

"As if I didn't have enough problems," she began. "My family is trying to make the fact that my sister is 28 years old and unmarried, somehow my problem. If my mother tells me "Wanda you know a lot of men. Can't you hook her up with someone," one more God damned time, I'll scream. Suddenly finding a man for my baby sister is my life's top priority, according to my mom."

"I keep trying to tell her that the kinds of men I know wouldn't be good marriage material for my sister. They're only good for playing around and "no strings," arrangements," she said, winking at me.

I blushed heavily, at her inference. Boy was I stupid.

"But Wanda, aren't you married?" I asked.

"Of course I am," she said. "But a little spice on the side keeps us both happy, if you know what I mean. I love Danny to death, and he loves me. But that man goes through secretaries, like teen-aged girls go through panties. None of them mean anything to him. And none of the guys I meet mean anything to me. They just add a little spice. and keep us interested. Besides we're in the club."

"You're in what club?" I asked.

"I shouldn't talk about it here," she whispered. "We'll do lunch and I'll fill you in. Let's talk about something different. There are too many nosey people around here. Was that your husband who just kissed you goodbye?" I nodded. She already had me hooked and interested. I was so intrigued by the things she was hinting about that I failed to notice her true interest.

"He's cute," she said. She asked me all kinds of questions about Greg and I stupidly just answered them. Between giving me the third degree about my husband and family she meted out small hints and tidbits about the mysterious club.

That night when I got home my mood had lightened considerably. I told Greg that I had made a new friend at work. He was very happy for me. I guess he'd noticed that I was in a better mood.

"Greg, have you ever thought about being with a different woman?" I asked as we were getting ready for bed. He looked as if he was going to have a heart attack. He actually spit out the last sip of his beer.

"Of course not," he said. "Why would I need to? I have you."

"I know that Honey," I said. "But we are getting a bit older so I was just wondering." I let the subject drop. I could tell that Greg was still wondering about it though. He knew me too well after all of the years we'd been together. I should have realized how much he was upset by it. That night he didn't even hint around that he wanted sex.

The next morning as soon as I got to the office and started on my pile of invoices, Wanda came over to my desk. "How about lunch today?" she asked.

"Okay," I smiled. I was happier than I'd been in a long time. Looking back on it I realize that she was just playing me like a pro. My own need for excitement, or to break out of the rut I thought I was in did the rest.

We talked about clothes and the weather and the people at work for about twenty minutes. I was dying, then Wanda slowly started to talk about other things. When she mentioned "the club," I was all ears.

"Danny and I are part of a group of people who get together for adult activities occasionally," she said. "It doesn't really have a name we just call it the club. It really helped me to become the woman I am now. It made my life more exciting, and my marriage better," she said.

"I used to be totally bored and boring," she said. "Once we joined the club, I began to appreciate myself and my marriage more. That made me more confident, and a confident woman is a sexy woman. You'd be surprised how many men are attracted to that confidence. I never had the guts to even dress the way I do until I joined the club. I used to wonder why any man would want to even look at me."

"How do I get into this club?" I asked. I should have noticed that her whole line sounded like a fucking commercial.

"Joyce, are you sure you're interested in something like that?" she asked. "Your marriage seems pretty solid as it is."

"Well, my marriage is solid," I said. "But it could use a bit of spice, like you mentioned."

"How does your husband feel about that?" she asked.

"He loves me," I said. "If I come up with the right tactic, I'm sure I could get him to go along with it."

"Why don't you bring him to dinner at my house this weekend," she said. "Maybe I can help you broach the subject. That'll make it easier when you ask him to try out the club.

Friday night it all blew up. We had a pleasant dinner at Wanda's house, with two other couples. It was a great way to begin. Wanda and her friend Mary had obviously done this before. The food was great and the drinks were strong. Unbeknownst to me they had slightly drugged Greg's drinks, to lower his inhibitions.

After dinner we were all sitting around talking and the next thing I knew, Greg was sitting on the couch between Mary and Wanda. The three of them were laughing and talking. Wanda came over to me and whispered that I should just relax and go with it. Try something new, she told me.

Wanda's husband Danny and Mary's husband Todd were all over me complementing me and telling me how great I looked. I looked over at Greg who was sandwiched between Wanda and Mary. Mary was rubbing his leg near his dick and he was fine. I thought he was a little drunk, but I didn't realize that he had been drugged. I wasn't even tipsy, so I had no excuse for my behavior.

Danny was rubbing his hands up and down my legs. It didn't feel like it did when Greg did it. Danny was rougher and less patient. After that things moved very quickly. Maybe I was a little drunk because I didn't see it coming. Almost as if they had planned it, Mary's hand brushed Greg's dick and Danny's hand went under my skirt. Danny's hand was working its way into my panties. I was curious to see what would happen next. It felt so dirty, and so exciting but when I look back on it, the experience to that point had been very crude and almost high school-like.

That was as far as the evening went though because as soon as Mary's hand touched Greg's dick, whatever they had been putting in his drinks failed. Greg reached down and grabbed her hand to stop her and at the same time he looked across at me. I think he was trying to assure me that he'd had no part in what she was trying and didn't want it. When he saw Danny's hand under my skirt he went ballistic.

In an instant he was across the room.

"Get your fucking hands off her," he screamed. His fist slammed into Danny twice, then he grabbed Todd and threw him to the floor. He looked back at Danny who was in shock. and then started kicking Todd. Danny's nose swelled up like a balloon and blood was pouring from his mouth.

Todd howled like a banshee when one of Greg's kicks connected with his engorged penis. Mary and Wanda grabbed Greg to try to pull him off of their husbands before he hurt them any further.

"Greg, stop," I yelled, once I came to my senses.

"I should kill both of those bastards," he said. Then he looked at me.

Mary ran to call an ambulance. Wanda came over to try and calm Greg down with me. I should have realized then that she didn't seem overly concerned with what Greg had done to her husband. She was more concerned with Greg, than with Danny's obviously broken nose and other possible injuries.

"Calm down, Greg," she said in a very relaxed voice. "It was all in fun, it just got out of hand."

Greg looked at me very coldly. "Did you know about this?" he asked. Before I could answer him, he jerked away from me. "That's why you were asking me if I'd ever thought about being with someone else, isn't it?" I slowly nodded my head and his eyes got colder. For the first time in our marriage I had no clue what my husband was thinking.

"I'm leaving," he said. Wanda got between him and the door.

"Greg, you probably shouldn't drive. We put something in your drinks to relax you. Let Joyce drive you home," said Wanda.

"If we're both drugged, why would she be in any better shape to drive than I am?" he snapped.

"Joyce isn't drugged," said Wanda. "She..."

Wanda never got to finish her statement. The ambulance got there and the EMT's started knocking on the door. As Wanda let them in Greg pulled out his cell phone. He called our next door neighbor and gave him Wanda's address. He asked Dave and his wife to drive over and pick him up. Dave's wife Tina could drive their car back and Dave could drive our car back.

"Greg, we have to talk," I said. "I can drive us home."

"You're not coming home," he snapped. "I don't want to see you for a while. At least not until I get my head clear. I don't care where you go. Stay with your parents, or a hotel, or here with your new friends, but don't come to the house."

He went outside to wait for Dave. I was really glad then that we hadn't driven Greg's Mustang. I don't think he'd have allowed Dave or anyone else to drive that car. I went outside to wait with him but he told me to get away from him.

Finally when Dave got there, I heard Greg ask him If they could stop by a clinic on the way home. I stupidly thought that maybe he wasn't feeling well. "Greg, Honey, I'll call you in a little bit," I said.

"Don't call me. I'll call you," he said coldly. He didn't even look at me as he drove off. I started to panic. The EMT's loaded Todd into the back of their truck. Mary went with them. They thought that Todd had a couple of broken ribs, and some damage to his testicles and scrotum. They took him to the hospital. Danny had a broken nose and a severe cut on the underside of his lip. Neither man had said anything to the EMT's. They thought that Danny and Todd had gotten into a fight. Greg was left out of it.

As Wanda and I drove Danny to the emergency room, we were silent the whole way there. Wanda had a slight smile on her lips the whole way there. I couldn't for the life of me think of anything funny. That alone should have told me that things were not as I thought they were.

While Danny's nose was being set, Wanda and I spoke. She told me not to worry about anything. Mary already knew what to say. She and Wanda had come up with a story already. Both Danny and Todd would tell the police that the two of them had gotten into an argument over a bet. Neither of them would press charges and that would end it.

"Why would they agree to that?" I asked.

"Because if we told the truth, the five of us, including you would go to jail, for drugging your husband without his knowledge," she said. "We'd all spend time in jail and you might end up divorced. He'd probably walk since he had no knowledge of any of our actions. His attack on the guys could probably even be attributed to the drugs. It's better this way."

I'd never given Wanda any credit for her intelligence, but she was obviously a smart woman. "How are you feeling?" she asked. "I know this all seems bad, but it told us a few things that we needed to know."

"Like what?" I asked. I was feeling terrible at that point. I was totally out of touch with reality. I had not yet come to terms with the fact that I could not go home, and that for the first time in my adult life Greg would not be wrapping his arms around me as I went to sleep.

"I know what's wrong with your marriage," she said. "It's not you. It's Greg. He's the reason you feel so bored all the time. He's holding you back. You are an explorer. You're meant to go out and try new things. He on the other hand is a homebody. He just wants things the same way all the time. You need to go out and try some new things and new experiences. Then you can bring them back home and try them with him. That way you get the best of both worlds. You can keep your marriage fresh. And also keep your marriage. If you two had gone on much longer like this you'd have needed up getting a divorce."

"Never," I snapped. "No matter how bad things got I'd never divorce Greg. I love him too much."

"Then you'd better get off your ass and try to do something to save your marriage long term, before it's too late," she said. "I saw you when Danny stuck his hand under your skirt. You weren't surprised. You wanted to see what would happen didn't you?" I nodded my head.

"But at the same time, you weren't turned on; were you?" she asked. I shook my head. She was absolutely right. I wasn't aroused at all by either Todd or Danny. I was more curious about the newness of having someone other than Greg touching me. The sensations while not unpleasant were nowhere near arousing. If I had given it any thought or if she was a little bit less cunning, I'd have seen the flaw in her logic.

"So you need to go out there and figure out why you're so sexually repressed," she said. "You have to learn more about your own sexuality instead of letting your husband influence it. Then you can experience a few things and bring them back to him and make your sex life and your marriage better."

It was of course pure hokum, but I fell for it.

"How do I do that?" I asked.

"Really Joyce, I don't have all of the answers," she said. She actually did. She knew just what she wanted me to do, and what it's results would be. But she was smart enough not to feed me too much bullshit all at once. In my own mind, I'd had doubts about what had happened. I knew that Greg was honest and loved me very much. If I had just thought about his reaction and the reasons for it. We might have been okay.

Greg never called me back that night. When he didn't call me Saturday or Saturday night I grew frantic. Sunday I called him. My call went straight to voice mail. I left him several messages and finally he called me back.

"Joyce, I'm taking the kids to the zoo this morning," he said. "We're leaving in a few minutes. We'll be gone until at least four p.m. In the mean time, Come over to the house and get enough clothing and your belongings to last you for a while."

"Why don't I just come home, so we can talk?" I asked.

"Because, my attorney doesn't think talking would be very good for us right now," he said.

"What attorney?" I asked.

"Joyce, you and your friends are in a lot of trouble," he said. "I went to the clinic. They found traces of a date rape drug in my system. I'm considering pressing charges for that. And whether or not I do that. I'm considering a divorce."

I couldn't function after that. I couldn't even hold the phone. I started screaming and Joyce ran into the room. She calmed me down and we started to plan out what we needed to do.

It was of course Joyce to convinced me to ask for the trial separation. We had a meeting with my lawyer and Greg's. Greg was still very angry at me. My lawyer managed to convince him not to press charges for the drugs. He told him that having our kids see their mother in jail wouldn't be very good for them. He also told them that there was no way that he could press charges against the others without me getting dragged into it.

I like to think that Greg still loved me enough not to want to see me in jail, but I could be wrong.

In the case of the divorce, my lawyer was again very persuasive. He reminded Greg that we had been married and happy for a very long time. To simply throw all of that away over what basically amounted to some guy feeling my leg was crazy. He also reminded him that I was at the age for a midlife crisis. Perhaps my hormones were unstable and I was suffering from a medical problem.

Greg finally agreed to a trial separation of 5 months duration. We agreed that Greg would have physical custody of the kids. Since our kids were still too young to accept big changes in their lives Greg wanted me to agree to give up visitation rights until I got my head on straight. I wanted to visit them once or twice a week and talk to Greg whenever I needed. He said no. I knew that Greg would take great care of the kids so we compromised. Greg and I would have a date every other weekend, he'd fill me in on the kids and whatever else I asked at those times.

At the end of the five months if our issues weren't settled, we would divorce, letting an arbitrator dictate the terms. I knew that we would never get a divorce, there was no way I'd ever let hime go. I love him too much for that. But Joyce had been right. The separation would give me time to explore myself and figure out how I wanted my life to work. I had gone into the meeting prepared to let Greg have custody of the kids. As I said I knew he'd take great care of them, and as Joyce said. I needed to see myself as a woman, and not just a wife and mother.

I was shocked that Greg had agreed to a date night every two weeks. I guess he still didn't want to let me go no matter what he said. Why couldn't I see that then? I guess my head was too far up my ass.

For the first two weeks Greg had problems. He was using both of our parents to help with the kids but it just wasn't working. My heart went out to him and I almost gave in and called him to beg to end the separation.

My family thought that I was being a fool. in fact my own mother called me a fool to my face. My father just shook his head. Joyce came to my rescue again. She knew the perfect person to help Greg take care of my kids. The woman would also report to me regularly on how both my kids and my husband were doing, like a spy. It was sneaky but it would also calm some of my fears about Greg finding someone else.

I met Greg at a restaurant, for our first date. I was a s giddy as a school girl. He looked so handsome that I almost ended the separation then and there. I was dying to feel his hands on me, but he wouldn't so much as brush up against me. I told him about the woman who could help him and gave him her phone number. He stared at me the whole night. I could tell he missed me.

He gave me reports about the kids and how they were doing. "How are you doing, Honey?" I asked.

"My name is Gregory, or Greg," he snapped. "Don't call me Honey. And how the fuck do you think I'm doing? I feel like my heart has been ripped out. Why are you doing this to us? No, don't answer, I already know. You wanted to fuck around on me so you found a way to do it legally." He looked into my eyes and I don't know what he saw.

"Well, I hope you're happy in eighteen weeks we'll be divorced," he snapped.

"Greg, this won't go that far," I said. "I'm just going through something. I was feeling bored and unattractive. Our separation won't last the full five months. So there won't be a divorce. As soon as I work this out, I'll be a better wife for you, and we can get back to normal. We'll be even better." I really meant every word.

"So the way to make you feel attractive is for you to get fucked ... I mean bored by some other men huh?" he asked. "Well you'll end up just like your friend Wanda. And there will be a divorce, because I will not live with a slut. I never intended to take you back after the separation, I only..." My eyes got as big as saucers when I heard what he'd said. What did he mean just like Wanda? And he'd only agreed to the separation so he could have the divorce without fighting.

"It's not like that Greg," I said crying. "I haven't fucked anyone..."

"Yet!" he said interrupting me. "I can't do this shit, I'll see you in two weeks, maybe." then he just threw some money on the table and walked out of the restaurant. Leaving me crying and begging him to come back.

For the next couple of days I was despondent. Wanda, whom I was staying with started giving me daily reports on Greg and my kids.

Wanda's husband traveled a lot for his job and was hardly ever there. She went out almost nightly. I could tell she missed him when he wasn't there.

According to Wanda the woman she had watching my kids was in her late twenties, and had majored in childhood development in college. So she was perfectly capable of helping Greg with my kids. She had moved into the guest room in my house. A few alarm bells went off in my head when Wanda told me about the woman moving into my house.

"It's better for you that she live there," Wanda told me. "That way if he starts dating or seeing someone, you'll know so you can stop it or go home. Plus that way if you need to see him at short notice he has a built in baby sitter."

That night Wanda started in on me. She had already gotten me started drinking at night. That night when she returned from her date she wasn't alone. She brought a man with her. We all sat around drinking and talking. I started feeling warm and fuzzy. The next thing I knew the man was on top of me and I was so fuzzy it was like I was watching it happen to someone else. I didn't react or enjoy it I just watched it happen. The next morning when I woke up my head hurt and I knew that I had ruined my marriage.

Wanda came in bright and early with a sad look on her face. "This might not work," she said.

"What might not work?" I asked. I really didn't care what she was saying. I was so full of regret over what I had just allowed to happen to me.

"Saving your marriage," she said. "It might not work." I just started laughing.

"How can it get any worse," I yelled. "I just cheated on the man I love. When he finds out he'll never take me back."

"How will he find out?" she asked. "It didn't happen in public. the only people who know about it are you, me, and Bill. Bill won't tell because he's married and he's heard about how Greg can become violent about you. You aren't going to tell, and neither am I."

"Then why don't you think it will work?" I asked. She looked down at her feet.

"Bill said that you were the worst sex he's ever had. You couldn't relax, even with all of the drugs we put into your drink. He couldn't even get you wet. It took almost a full tube of KY for him to get into you, and then you just laid there like a rock," she said.

"If you're going to be able to bring some new experiences home to your husband and make this all worth it, you've got to open up and do better than this," she said. "Don't you want to save your marriage? Do you want to go back to that boring life you had?"

Honestly, at that point my boring little life seemed like a dream. I was having night sweats and hot flashes I kept having a dream about some woman fucking Greg in our bed. At that point I thought that the only way for me to get Greg back would be to follow through with the plan.

Greg called and cancelled our next date night. He told me about the kids over the phone. When I asked about him, he hung the phone up on me.

I was actually glad he'd cancelled our date. I was too nervous to go anyway. I was sure he'd take one look at me and know that I had been sleeping with other men. If you could call it sleeping. I kept trying to relax but every time Wanda brought a man home it felt like I was being raped. I didn't even get the drugs anymore. Then Wanda had started video-taping the episodes so we could talk about it. Boy was I a fool. She made me watch porn. Then I'd try to let some guy fuck me, but it just felt wrong. In my heart I knew that I was cheating on Greg, every God damned time. I tried Anal and hated it. Wanda taught me how to give a better blow job. I only threw up the first five times.

Finally it was time for me to go to my first session of the club. The plan was for me to go with Wanda at first and after I got back with Greg, we'd eventually loosen him up enough that both of us could participate. I didn't see that happening because I'd kill any woman who put her hands on my husband.

After a few weeks it was nothing for me to go into a room full of people and take off my clothes and have several strange men fuck me and then go back to Wanda's house. I never truly enjoyed it, but I did begin to take note of what pleased the men. Wanda said I was making progress. That was what this whole thing had been about. Me dropping my inhibitions enough to learn what pleased my partner. I'd be able to make sex far better for Greg, which would make our marriage better. Wanda also told me that another thing I'd been frustrated about had been Greg's higher sex drive.