Chapter 27: The Highway to Paradise

When Joey parked his car in Maureen's driveway, Carla was already struggling to get out of her safety seat. Joey quickly unbuckled and opened the passenger door to free his daughter from that pesky restraint. He set her down on the grass and watched her run to the door. He looked at his watch. It was eight-thirty. Maureen had told him to be there at eight o'clock but Carla had decided that she wanted to sit on her potty one more time. It was new to her and her feeling of achievement over it was immense.

Maureen's door was open where Carla had stormed inside but now Maureen emerged smiling at him. He unhooked the child's seat and squeezed it into the trunk. He also grabbed Carla's overnight bag and quickly walked to the door. Maureen gave him a very small peck on the cheek. Suddenly, Joey felt transported back to his Senior year in high school. There stood Deirdre, almost as he remembered her. He had to clear his throat.

"Hey Deirdre," he offered with a hoarse voice.

"Hey Joey," she answered with a mix of apprehension and husk in her voice.

"Maureen says you wanted to talk?"

Deirdre nodded. She was tongue-tied. The man in front of her, was that Joey Di Rosa? He had been tall, but now he was a grown up. His chest had filled out, and his arms and legs showed muscles she did not remember on him. What changed him most was the full black beard that covered the lower half of his face. His hair was long, too, giving him the roguish look of a brigand.

Joey's lips, almost hidden under the luxurious black growth, showed a smirk. "You have to do better than this if that talk is supposed to cover any ground."

"Still the smart-ass, I see," Deirdre smiled in spite of herself.

Joey swallowed hard. Her smile still worked its magic on his sympathetic nervous system, and he felt his heart beat faster. "You look great," he observed, just to say anything.

"You look different, all grown up," Deirdre said in a low voice. "So, what have you planned?"

"Intercourse," he deadpanned.

"What?" Deirdre squeaked.

"Intercourse, Pennsylvania. It's in Lancaster County, you know? You've never been to the Amish country, have you?"

Deirdre closed her eyes briefly. "Ha-ha! I didn't know you're a stand-up comedian these days."

"I have to supplement my income. You have no idea how much Carla eats, and don't get me started on the diapers and trainers."

"Joey, cut it out, please. I really need to talk to you and it would help if you didn't make me feel like a dork all the time."

Joey shrugged. "Fine by me. No Intercourse, I take it?"

Deirdre heard Maureen giggle which did not improve her mood, but then little Carla butted in.

"What's an interhorse, Mommy?"

Deirdre felt a bubble burst and her own laughter broke through. She started with a giggle and ended up holding her belly. When she had calmed herself she knelt in front of Carla. Giving Joey an evil look she lifted her finger.

"The word is intercourse, Carla, and it means what your Mommy and your Daddy do when they get all silly."

Now Joey looked decidedly uncomfortable. "You mean like tickling?" Carla queried.

"Yes, Sweety, very much like tickling," Deirdre confirmed.

Carla turned to Joey. "Are you gonna tickle Dee-Dee, Papa?"

Joey was flustered. "No, but I may have to spank her if she's not good."

"Oh, she is, Papa. She gave me a coloring book."

"Okay, maybe then I won't spank her." He turned to Deirdre. "May I show you Paradise if Intercourse is not to your liking? It's in Lancaster County, too."

Deirdre shook her head. "I'll regret this trip."

Without further ado she walked to Joey's BMW convertible and sat in the passenger seat. Joey started to follow but Maureen held his hand for a moment.

"Be nice, Joey. She came to make peace with you. Give her a chance."

They were mostly silent while Joey navigated the Beemer towards the Schuylkill Expressway, but then Deirdre spoke up on the issues that were important for her.

"Joey, I made peace with my mother."

He gave her a genuine smile. "I know and it's really great. It hurt her that you wouldn't call or take her calls."

"Oh well, we both had our hurts, believe me. But we put them behind us and I hope we're good again. Joey, you are the other person I need to make peace with."

He cast her a quick look before he concentrated on driving again. "What's on your mind?"

"Mom and I put everything on the table. We cleared the air. I'd like to do the same with you."

He cast her a look again. "Think you can take it?" he asked with more than a touch of reproach.

"You think you know enough to judge me?" she shot back.

"Well, I didn't leave you, if you remember. I know you were hurt, Deirdre, believe me. I saw what those bastards had done to you. But why did you have to shut me out from your life?"

Deirdre shook her head. "I was convinced that you were only trying to stay with me because you thought it was the right thing. Sense of duty, you know. Don't abandon the poor raped girl. But I felt your apprehension, your uneasiness."

Joey shook his head. "That wasn't it, Deirdre. I swear."

"I felt so dirty, so ... soiled, and I just knew that you felt the same about me."

Joey did not answer, but he shook his head.

"Joey, the stuck their fingers and dicks into me, front and back, and when they were done, they stuck them into my mouth for clean-up. They put a camera on a tripod and filmed everything. They said they'd send a copy to Mom. That video may pop up on the internet any time."

Joey took a deep breath. He had gone over what to say with Felix years ago.

"Deirdre, there is no video, not out there, nor anywhere. They sold the camera to us for an extra twenty grand. We just never told Maureen or the Fibbies or that video would be evidence in some property room for every dirty cop to watch and get his jollies."

"The Montalbans sold you the camera?" Deirdre asked almost breathlessly. "I mean, why?"

Joey looked at Deirdre. He really could not tell her the truth. "They needed all the cash they could get what with their accounts frozen by the FBI. They wanted another hundred grand for it, but Felix haggled them down."

Deirdre understood. "They are afraid of your family, right? After the Olympic, they have to be."

"Old beliefs die hard," Joey said evasively. "Under my great-grandfather the Di Rosa gained a nasty reputation and Uncle Vince is good at keeping up the illusion. Saves trouble, you know. It's what made them agree to the ransom in the first place."

"Thank God," she breathed. "That's one fear less. Do you know that I scanned every single free porn site in the last years? I was almost certain that they'd post it one day, just out of spite to get back at my Mom. Why didn't you tell me before? Where is it?"

"Deirdre, I saw parts of it, I mean, I had to verify it was genuine. It made me so sick. And then when you shut down on me there was no chance to tell you. I didn't dare to tell you that I saw it. I'm sorry. I sort of planned to let you destroy it yourself, like to put this behind you, but in the end I decided to do it myself. I was afraid it could be found. I took a sledge hammer to the camera and a welder to the memory stick. Nothing is left but molten plastic and silica at the bottom of the Delaware."

Deirdre took a deep breath. "Thank you. Thank you again, I guess. You did all those things for me which I didn't even know of."

"So, why'd you break up? Why did you shut me out?"

"I couldn't stay, Joey. My abduction, the rape, everything had been in the news, everything but the video. The way people looked at me, I just couldn't stand it! In Eureka nobody knows but my therapist and my roomy, Claire."

Joey clenched his jaw and the knuckles on the steering wheel were white. Deirdre noticed.

"What, Joey?"

"I got a lot of shit after you left. Everybody thought I'd dumped you because of the rape."

"Oh shit," Deirdre moaned. "I'm sorry. What did you tell them?"

"Nothing. What could I tell them?"

"God, I made such a mess. I didn't even realize what I did to you until Rachel confronted me with it."

"The therapist?"

Deirdre nodded. "She helped me put the pieces together. You know, when I planned to come back after the first year I wanted to give us a try again. Rachel told me to give you a chance. You know what happened. I met Mom in San Francisco and she told me she was expecting your child." She held up her hand. "Wait! She explained things to me. I know I overreacted. But this was crushing. I wanted you back and my own mother had stolen you! I felt so pathetic."

"That's why you never called again?"

"Yes, that and ... Joey, I'm still scared here. Last night I had a nightmare again. This city scares me. These men are still free."

A shiver went through her body, and Joey could see the goosebumps. He debated with himself whether to tell her the truth, but he couldn't yet.

"Deirdre, nobody heard a word of the Montalbans in four years. They vanished. Somebody else has taken over their business we heard, and word is they were killed while trying to cross into Mexico."

"Rumors don't help me, Joey, but thanks. They'll never find me in Eureka as long as I keep a low profile."

"Kinda difficult when you want to make a career in science," Joey wondered. "I mean, with that review of yours out they can already find you through Google."

"I kept hoping they'd be caught," Deirdre said miserably and again, Joey wanted to tell her everything. "Well, no use wishing for the impossible."

For a few minutes they were silent, each of them pursuing their own thoughts. Joey spoke up first.

"Again, Deirdre, why the break-up? The thing with Maureen and Carla happened because of that, so it all boils down to you breaking up with me for no good reason at all."

Deirdre's lips quivered. "Joey, I told you: I was feeling dirty and used and worthless. How could you still want me? I just couldn't believe it."

There was an exit ahead, and Joey braked sharply to leave the interstate. He stopped the car and faced Deirdre. He pulled up his shirt and turned, showing her the gruesome scars on his back. She went rigid but he didn't care.

"See them, Deirdre? Be honest! Did you ever feel repulsed by my scars? Do you think I'm worth less because those bastards shot me up when they killed my parents?"

Deirdre shook her head almost violently. "No! Why should I? There was nothing you ... Oh wait, I know where you're heading. Joey, it's not the same."

"Deirdre, that's bullshit and after all those therapy sessions you know it, too. Raping or shooting are the same. They hurt. They make you feel violated and without control."

Deirdre sighed. "My brain tells me the same, Joey, but I feel so ... I feel dirty. Plus, I can't be with men anymore. When I'm alone in a room with a man I panic. I don't go to parties. I rarely eat out. They all think I'm screwy. How can you want a girl who's afraid of you?"

Now, Joey's eyes showed real anger. "How can you say that? How can you say you are afraid of me? Did I ever do anything to make you afraid of me? Deirdre, that's just bullshit! You and I were one person! Remember Prom Night! Remember our promises! How could you ever fear me?"

"It's my baggage, Joey," Deirdre moaned. "I try to fight it, I keep telling myself that the men I know are good people but even here, sitting in this car with you, I'm ... uneasy."

"God, you're really fucked up!"

The words were out before he knew it and suddenly the hopelessness of the situation caught up with him. He put the car in first and turned left for the overpass. He looked straight ahead trying to hide his brimming eyes but he could not help the tears that ran over his cheek. To his right, Deirdre sat there, sobbing silently. He turned onto the on ramp heading back to Philadelphia.

"Let's turn around and get you back," he said, trying to steady his voice.

Deirdre bit her lips. She had really fucked this up. Instead of making peace with Joey she had piled even more hurt on him. What a fucked up life! What a hopeless mess! Suddenly Deirdre felt violently sick.

"Joey, please stop!" she managed to blurt.

He looked at her surprised but he obeyed. The BMW had barely come to a full stop on the shoulder when Deirdre threw her weight against the passenger side door. She fell to her knees in the grass adjacent to the pavement and her stomach heaved up her breakfast. Again and again, the violent heaves racked her body until nothing was left in her stomach but bitter bile.

Only then did she notice Joey's hands on her forehead holding back her hair. Panic welled up briefly, but she was too weak to fight against the touch. Once the heaves subsided he let go. A moment later a tissue was held in front of her eyes. She wiped her mouth and blew her nose, feeling a renewed disgust at herself.

With her sympathetic nerve system out of synch her body shivered badly, and when she tried to stand she began to stumble. Again, Joey hands steadied her and he led her back to the car and had her sit on the passenger seat with the door open and her legs out on the soft shoulder. For a second Deirdre thought he'd sit behind her and she was even ready to lean against him, but he went and pulled a blanket from the trunk. When he wrapped it around her shoulders she looked up gratefully. Taking a deep breath she touched one of his hands.

"Joey, I'm not afraid of you. Not you, Joey Di Rosa. My mind knows I can trust you. But you're right. I'm such a fucked-up mess." She looked at him pleadingly. "Will you please sit with me?"

Wary and self-conscious he sat down in the driver's seat. Deirdre steeled herself and leaned back against him. She turned and even pulled his right hand around her shoulders. Then she exhaled. She felt as stiff as a board but she willed herself to sit still while she felt Joey's touch. It took a minute or two before the rigidness left her shoulders and she almost smiled then.