Chapter 21: The Final Straw

The call to Joey left Deirdre drained. There had been the adrenaline rush before she dialed, the apprehension when they began their talk, elation when he told that he was not with another girl, and then the crushing information that he had cheated on Deirdre. No, not cheated, Deirdre corrected herself. He had despaired of her. How could he not? Still, jealousy had risen like bile in her throat. She thought she had covered it well. Perhaps it was better that way. If he had sinned, maybe he would not judge her too harshly. Maybe he had needed the one night stand to get even with her. She had been soiled, after all.

She told Claire little about the call, only that Joey was not taken, was willing to talk to her and open to an effort to rebuild their relationship. If Claire sensed anything she did not let on. They went for dinner at the Students Union and Deirdre managed to mangle the chicken leg on her plate badly enough to give the impression of an appetite.

At night she lay awake for a long time. What was it that bothered her so much? Before she called she had been all but certain that Joey had moved on, had already found a cute co-ed at UPenn and got over Deirdre. He had not. Instead, he'd had meaningless sex with another woman. He had needed to vent his frustration, granted, but to hop into the sack with a woman? Was he capable of being so callous? A woman? He had said 'woman', not 'girl'. Perhaps one of the teaching staff at UPenn, somebody he would run into many times. Was that woman okay with the one-night thing or wanted she more of Joey?

She was thinking in circles soon and she did not catch much sleep at all that night. The thoughts kept her occupied all through the day, meaning she caught a few curious stares from her fellow students and teachers when she was quite obviously zoned out in the classes. In the evening Claire asked her if all was okay. Deirdre could not tell her of the disappointment she felt but she could not pretend to be looking forward to the summer break either. Fortunately, Claire blamed Deirdre's fear of Philadelphia and Deirdre did not correct her friend.

Come the weekend she had somewhat regained her balance, and when Maureen called her on Sunday evening to tell her she had business in San Francisco on Friday, Deirdre immediately agreed to meet Maureen at her hotel on Friday evening for two days of mother-daughter time. Perhaps, her Mom could help her sift through the morass of conflicting emotions.

Deirdre skipped most Friday classes to take the Greyhound from Arcata to San Francisco. Ninety bucks had got her a roundtrip ticked for the seven hour thirty minute trip. She had packed a small duffel bag for clothes and toiletries and a big satchel bag holding her venerable Powerbook and several pounds worth of small font printouts she had to read. She was early and she was able to identify an elderly Black lady who traveled to San Francisco to meet her son. She chatted her up and the friendly woman agreed to sit next to Deirdre, blocking her against male travelers.

The trip was taxing, but she was able to read through half of her pile of prints. She was glad for her companion, too, as every male passenger who boarded let his gaze sweep over Deirdre making her feel uneasy. Mrs. Washington, the Black lady, soon became aware of her seat neighbor's apprehension and she patted Deirdre's hand once.

"You don't worry none, Sweety. I'm with you all the way an' I've got my sturdy umbrella, too."

Deirdre nodded and gave the woman a grateful smile.

"Ma daughter Angela, she was hurt once. She had that look on her for a long time."

"Wha–what happened to Angela?" Deirdre asked with apprehension.

"She found that huge man, Leroy Parker, and he was right nice to her and never gave up until she wasn't afraid of him no more. They married two years ago and made me a grandmother last year. You have a sweetheart?"

"I guess I have. He's on the East Coast, but I'll see him during Summer Break."

"He's a good young man?"

Deirdre nodded. "Yes. I owe him my life."

"Sweety, you make him know that, you hear? Men, they're kinda slow an' girls must tell'em everthing so they'll understand things."

Her Mom was there, waiting for Deirdre at the bus station on Market Street and being her petite and trim self. She was wearing her professional outfit. There was an awkward moment until Maureen opened her arms and tilted her head in invitation. Finally, Deirdre was able to step close and give Maureen a hug.

"Hey, Baby," Maureen said softly. "You look good."

Deirdre shook her head. "No I don't. I haven't seen a hairdresser in a year. You look a million, though."

"Flattery will get you a dinner. Let's go. The Best Western is around the corner. We better check you in first. I got you a single room or would you rather share with me?"

"Single is fine, Mom. I brought some reading and I'm sure you've got things to go over."

They checked Deirdre in, in a room next to Maureen's, and Maureen helped with the unpacking. She shook her head.

"Didn't you bring any of the nice things to wear?"

Deirdre looked at her change of clothes and shrugged.

"I don't like to draw attention to myself, Mom. What for? I'm not looking for dates."

"How about dressing nicely for yourself?"

Deirdre shrugged again without answering.

"How about we find a department store tomorrow?" Maureen offered. "Nothing flashy, just a few new things, maybe a nice sweater or two and some blouses? You know, Joey wants to pick you up at the airport when you come for summer break. You should dress nicely, don't you think?"

"Okay, if you think so," Deirdre relented.

"Yes, I do. Maybe I'll get something, too. So, ready for dinner?"

Deirdre nodded and they left the room heading downstairs and outside. Maureen led her daughter down Market Street.

"What do you eat? Chinese or fish?" she asked.

"Chinese. We have fish all the time," Deirdre answered with a little eagerness.

Maureen flagged down a taxi which brought them right to Chinatown. Fifteen minutes later they were sipping tea and going over the menu. They picked a variety plate for two and settled into their chairs talking about mundane topics. Deirdre told of her college experience so far and she mentioned Claire, telling Maureen how much her fourth and hopefully final roommate had helped her. From there the talk moved to Rachel and the sessions with her. This covered the first course and lasted well into the main dishes.

The sensitive issue of Karen's burial service came next. Deirdre apologized twice for being a no-show, explaining how the thought of flying home almost paralyzed her. Maureen then recounted the service and the ugly confrontation with Karen's parents. She told how Joey mustered the muscle from Di Rosa Security to quell further unpleasantness. She also explained how Tess helped her pack and how she had hidden Karen's sex toys among her things to annoy and embarrass her parents. Deirdre was even able to muster a weak smile over the thought.

They did not talk about Joey that evening. Deirdre was uneasy, feeling a mixture of reproach and guilt over him, and Maureen was also reluctant to talk about him directly. Instead, Maureen explained about her career prospects. She also told Deirdre in great detail how she had gone after the white collar people behind the prescription drug trade. When she ended, Deirdre smiled weakly.

"You did that for revenge, right?"

Maureen shook her head. "No, for justice. These people are rich or getting there. Yet, they risk other people's lives to make an extra buck. They have no excuse for their behavior. It's greed, simple as that. I'll go after them as long as my boss is behind me."

"I read some about you in the online papers. The one where you got the homicide conviction for the two managers made headlines even here on the West Coast. I think you did well. The ... the Montalbans used pills to keep going. They must have come from those white collar people."

"And the steroids that drove them crazy," Maureen added grimly. "John Stevens had the gall to accuse me of crusading. He was the lead defender. I reminded him what could have happened if Deborah had been visiting with us. That shut him up."

Deirdre took a deep, ragged breath to fight down the growing fear after being reminded of her ordeal.

"Have you ... did you hear from Deborah?"

"No, Baby. She went to Boston. Pre-law, nothing less. We haven't heard from her."

"That's good for her."

When they finished it was already past ten. They returned to their hotel and went straight to their rooms. Deirdre was tired after a full day of either reading or talking, and she went to bed right away.

They met for breakfast in the lobby and then they hit the streets. Maureen dragged a protesting Deirdre into the nearest GAP, but all she could bully her into buying was a blouse Deirdre liked. In an outdoor shop, at last, Deirdre found what she liked. Fjäll Räven trecking pants and a smelly Bellstaff wax-cotton jacket were her pick, much to Maureen's consternation. Deirdre explained that the pants were virtually indestructible and quick drying after a wash or a rain and that the jacket was great for outdoor activities such as excursions. As a compromise she also accepted two pairs of Lee jeans and a few neat sweaters. Loaded down with the purchases they went back to the hotel before they hit the Cable Car for a ride to the harbor.

They dutifully visited Alcatraz and had a belated lunch at Pier 41 before they took a cab to the Golden Gate Park. There, sitting on a bench in the sunshine, Maureen suddenly took her daughter's hand.

"Deirdre, I need to tell you a few things. Some of them may disturb you, but I ask you to hear me out. Can you do that?"

Deirdre tensed. What now? It took self control to nod.

"Shoot," she said between clenched teeth.

For the first time in her life, Deirdre saw her mother blush fiercely. Her hands clenched a handkerchief and her voice was shaky.

"Deirdre, Joey told you about the indiscretion he committed?"

Deirdre nodded, feeling her apprehension increase. This could not be good, could it?

"Deirdre, there is no use to talk around this. That woman was me."

When the words became clear to Deirdre she had to close her eyes briefly while she felt nausea wash over her. Joey had slept with her Mom? Her Mom had slept with Joey? A man? Maureen had slept with a man?

"B–but ... Joey, I mean, he's a man. Aren't you ... How come?"

"It just happened, Baby. I had a breakdown and Joey found me sitting in my car crying my eyes out. It was after the trial against the two managers. It all came together. I realized that with all my success I was still coming home into an empty house. Karen was dead, you were gone, there was nothing and nobody for me. Joey came by, I guess to ask if I had heard from you. I just kept crying and he helped me inside. It felt so good. I know it was wrong, Baby, but I needed a shoulder to lean on. I begged him to stay, and some time during the night, we lost control.

"Baby, when we realized what we had done, we stopped it at once. I felt terrible, but still, that night saved my sanity. Can you forgive your stupid mother, Baby?"

"You slept with Joey." Deirdre stated, feeling dazed.

"I did, Baby. I'm afraid, there is more."

"More?" Deirdre almost snarled. What could be worse?

"Baby, I wasn't protected. I caught. I'm pregnant. I'll have a baby, a daughter from the looks of it. I had the tests run, because at my age, well you know about the risks, don't you?"

The enormity of that last piece of news almost took Deirdre's breath away.

"I offered Joey to leave him out of everything, I really did, but you know him. He's always trying to do the right thing. Of course, he'll step up to the plate and be a father. Of course, he will do his share of raising our daughter. He is a great young man, Deirdre. I can't tell you how much I hope that you two will soon be together again."

Deirdre stared at her mother unbelievingly. What was she talking about? Did she believe any of the crap she was babbling? What had she done? She had sneaked up on Joey when he was lonely and vulnerable. She had lured him into her bed and seduced him. She had let him impregnate her, to close the trap. But why? She was a lesbian, wasn't she? Why would she want Joey? Suddenly, Deirdre saw the reasons. Maureen had hit the glass ceiling at the DA's office. Only aligned with a powerful ally like Joey's great uncle could she move further up. She was using Joey and hurting Deirdre for her fucking career. Fuming anger took over in Deirdre.