Chapter 1

My name is Phillip Morris. I'm 42, got the start of a small beer belly, but still have all my hair even though it is graying at the temples. Women in the church and at work tell me it's attractive.

I'm married with two children. My wife is Sally, a cute five foot five inch honey blonde (natural) with a good figure after two kids. My kids are Elan, a twenty year-old second semester sophomore, and Ellen, a eighteen year-old first semester freshman. They both attend Florida State University.

I'm an orthopedic surgeon at the local hospital. Sally is a RN working at one of the local nursing home facilities.

We live next to Elaine and Jerry LaBonte. He's an I/T manager and his wife is a RN also working at the same nursing home.

Let me tell you how all of my trouble started and maybe you can give me and Jerry some advice on how to fix things.

It all started three weeks ago at a Sunday evening backyard barbeque at the LaBonte's. We'd eaten a great meal and consumed way too much beer and wine. It was getting late and everyone had staggered away heading home. It was just the four of us left and we were all helping Elaine clean up the mess.

After cleanup Jerry asked us if we wanted "just one more."

I looked at Sally and she eyed me back with a slight shrug of her shoulders and dropping her head a little to one side as if to say, "What the hell? Sure, let's stay."

This is the point I made my first mistake. I agreed to stay.

We sat down, the women had glasses of red wine, Jerry and I each had a beer.

As we sipped our drinks we began talking about crazy stuff neighbors usually do when they get together.

Jerry and I talked and argued about our local sports teams until we exhausted ourselves on the subject. It was at that point that we both picked up on what Sally had just said.

"Hell Elaine. Women could freeze all of the sperm ever needed and kill off the men. After all, women certainly know how to love women better than men do."

I sputtered, "What the hell are you saying Sally? You just implied that you wanted all of us males dead!"

She smiled, "No ... No Phil. You didn't hear our whole conversation. We were talking about a Dr. Phyllis show that was on today. Elaine and I watched it at the nursing home while we ate lunch. It was about lesbians. The bottom line was that women don't need men. We just need your sperm to continue the human race."

I groaned, "Not that damned Dr. Phyllis again. She's a former hack psychologist who thinks she can give advice to everyone on every subject!"

Jerry chimed in, "Yeah, the woman's a genuine heap of flummery, spouting real mumbo jumbo in my opinion."

Elaine and Sally both looked at us as if to say, "Your opinions don't matter where Dr. Phyllis is concerned."

I now made my second mistake. I opened my mouth and stated, "If she had lesbians on her show and made it seem as if women no longer need men, it's only because she's one herself. She probably never had a stiff dick in her life!"

Jerry and I laughed heartily at that.

Elaine and Sally were quiet. They looked at each other and Sally replied, "Well, if that's the case, I guess neither Elaine nor I have had a good stiff dick in a long time. Maybe we should try being lesbians for a while and see if we get our sexual gratification met better than it has been for the last couple of years.

I was flabbergasted. Here was my wife telling me I didn't gratify her anymore! I was starting to get mad and was about ready to open my mouth with an angry rebuttal when Jerry jumped up and almost yelled, "Elaine -- is there something you want to say to me? What have you and Sally been talking about at work? I thought we'd promised each other when we married that what went on in the bedroom stayed in the bedroom."

Elaine looked a little scared by Jerry's onset, but Sally stood up putting herself between Jerry and Elaine. She pointed with her finger at Jerry's chest and beginning poking it. "Easy buster, yes, we talk. We're like sisters, we talk about everything. You don't know what it's like when one of our patients that we've grown close to dies.

We console each other since you brutes certainly don't know how to do that. I, for one, do believe that women are better for women in most every department. The only reason I've not tried lesbianism is that I truly love Phillip. I've had his children through wonderful love making and not some out of test tube, and he's been a wonderful father.

If it was today, I don't know – I might opt for woman. I do have sexual tensions that Phillip just can't seem to address."

This whole conversation pissed me off. These two women were saying their spouses weren't worth anything to them and they really weren't needed in their lives any longer. Well, damn it, that option can sure be arranged for these bitches.

Sally had never said anything to me about I wasn't "addressing her needs." I was little drunker than I thought and madder than hell at this point, and I made my third and worst mistake of the night. I raised my voice and replied, "Okay Sally, if you think being a lesbian is better and easier than living with a man, I wish you luck. Go find one and see if that is really what you want. Go fuck her until you're blue in the face. Just don't come home until you figure out what you want."

Sally was drunk also. "Damned you! I'll take you up on that. Our kids are grown and out of the house. I've got an itch that you can't seem to scratch."

With that she stormed home and locked herself in the master bedroom. I waited a few minutes not wanting to appear that I was running after her and watched a similar blowup between Elaine and Jerry.

Jerry grabbed me by the arm and said, "Look, is it all right if I tell Elaine to grab her shit and go stay at your place with Sally? You and I can 'bach' it until these wives of ours come to their senses." Now I made my last and greatest mistake, I said "Yes."

I ran home, tried to open to the door to the master bedroom only to find it locked and yelled for Sally to open the door. She yelled back, "Go screw yourself."

I beat on the door to no effect. Finally totally frustrated, I hauled off and kicked the door in. Sally was huddled in the corner of the room looking like she no longer recognized me. She had her cell phone in her hand.

I yelled at her, "Okay bitch, I'm taking my stuff and moving out. Maybe you and Elaine can 'les' each other since you two or so close."

I was packing my overnight bag when the sound of feet running up the stairs could be heard. Next thing I knew I was staring down the barrel of a police Glock and ordered to put up my hands and turn around."

"But officer ... This is my hous...", I tried to stammer out.

"Shut up and do as I say." The officer ordered.

I was cuffed and led away to an awaiting patrol car.

At the station, I was booked on a charge of spousal abuse. I raised my voice, "I never touched the bitch!"

The officers told me to shut up and not cause them to have to restrain me.

I was placed in a holding cell and told I would not be arraigned until the following morning. I spent the night in the holding cell with a selection of some of our city's finest citizens. It was a fine assortment of winos, gangbangers, and drug pushers.

The next morning I was released on my own recognizance since I had no priors, was an upstanding citizen in the medical field, and no one had evidence that I had touched my spouse.

Sally had left me to rot in the jail and I didn't appreciate it. Instead of cooling down in the overnight detention, I was madder than ever and becoming more out of control with my emotions. She would pay for this insult! She would pay for my incarceration. She would pay for her planned betrayal of our marriage vows.

I went home long enough to obtain my overnight bag and pack another larger suitcase. I was amazed to find that my clothes from the closet and dresser had been moved to the spare bedroom. And Elaine's had now replaced my stuff.

On the bed were two sets of garter belts and lacey bras. No panties were there. I opened the clothes hamper and found the two panties. Both had a strong smell of sex.

So, these two are really going to try the lesbian route! So let them. If that is all of they think of their husbands, the marriages weren't any good to start with. I thought to myself as I was packing.

Suddenly a thought struck me, What if they already were lesbians and are now so deep into each other that they want Jerry and I out of the picture?

I called the hospital and had them cancel all of my appointments and procedures scheduled for the next three days begging off on having a bad case of the flu. I called Jerry and explained what I'd found and what I thought.

He didn't know what to do but I suggested he follow my lead just in case these bitches were going to try to take us to the cleaners.

I went to the bank and opened new personal accounts and moved half of the joint money to the new ones. I closed the existing joint credit cards. I moved my insurance policies, half of the CDs, and the paperwork on my retirement plan to a new box.

I called the insurance company and removed my wife as a beneficiary and made my children my sole receivers of money. I called my lawyer and asked him to complete a new will leaving everything in my estate to the kids.

By the end of the day, I had as much of my personal life as possible under my protection.

I received a call on my cell about dinner time. It was from Sally. "Phil, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know you were at the house and took some of your clothes and saw what Elaine and I had done. Please forgive me. We were so drunk! Please come home."

"Is Elaine still there?" I asked.

"Well, yes. Jerry hasn't forgiven her yet."

"I'll not be stepping foot in that house as long as your lesbian lover is still there."

I heard a gasp on the other end of the phone. "Phil. We were drunk. We had no idea what we were doing! It didn't mean anything!"

"Was it like you thought it would be Sally?"

"What? Like I thought it would be? Christ, Phil I never thought about Elaine like that before in my life. It was just a stupid response to the way you guys acted so high and mighty. We were just trying to prove a point. And --"

"Don't give me that shit Sally. You called the cops because I wanted to get my stuff out of the bedroom and you wouldn't let me in. So I let myself in. I spend the night in jail so that you and Elaine could play. Get real! In fact, I'm not even sure that this was the first time for you two. How did you and Elaine know to make sure you had those pieces of lingerie last night?"

"What? The lingerie? She brought hers with her from their house. She convinced me to put on something similar. After that I don't remember a great deal."

"No? You don't remember. Tell you what. Run up stairs on take a whiff of those panties you two threw in the clothes hamper. That should remind you of what happened!"

With that I hung up.

For the next two weeks Sally bugged me with emails, voice messages, even two old fashion letters. All of which were summarily trashed. She and Elaine stayed in my house and Jerry started divorce proceedings naming Sally in an alienation lawsuit.