(A tale of confusion)
Herb had made HXN Freight Lines the model of an efficient, company where there were never any labor problems because the employees refused to join the union. He sponsored a bowling team, a teen softball team and a girls' volleyball team that regularly went to the state playoffs. He looked at the lithe female bodies, some with beautiful camels' feet crotch bulges and kept hands off. Then his happy, well-ordered life changed.
It changed when he learned his wife had been cheating on him, probably since before they were married. Herbert Navarro knew he was different from the average run-of-the-mill cuckold. What he didn't do was to go crazy and wreak mayhem on Donna, her lover or lovers. Another thing he didn't do was to whine and plead, "Please, may I watch?"
What he did do was nod his head and say, "How about that?"
They'd only been married a year when his buddy from the bowling team said, "Your wife and a couple of others have been having sex over at the country club. They usually get together right after the gold pro shuts down the shack at three every Thursday afternoon.
"Herb smiled a soft, noncommittal type smile and said, "How about that?"
Paul North, his employee as well as his friend, said, "Man, The cool way you're taking this makes me believe this isn't exactly news to you."
"Oh no, this is the first I've ever heard any rumbles that Donna was looking at the greener grass. I have to think a bit."
"Look Herb," Paul began to get worried he had crossed over some invisible barrier. "You are a great boss, a greater friend and I wouldn't have told you except I felt I should." He grinned and added, "Besides, you're the only friendly rich guy I know."
"Old buddy," he told Paul, "I appreciate your motives. If you hear any more, please let me know."
A week later Paul approached Herb at work. "Here are some pictures of what happened last Saturday morning after you flew out to Denver."
Herb accepted the unsealed envelope and removed a half dozen digital shots that showed his wife and the golf pro doing a Monica Lewinsky maneuver. The side view pose showed enough to let Herb know it was his wife and she seemed comfortable on her knees. "Hmm, how about that?"
He looked at Paul, a questioning look on his face. "Boss, I got these six shots from the golf pro's wife. She is going to file for divorce and she wants to embarrass everyone who's a member of that little sex club. She's my cousin."
"How about that?" Herb said, more to himself than to Paul. "Now you see one of the reasons I never cheat anyone." He had a sad look on his face as he walked back to his office. His bland expression disappeared when he was alone.
Barbara Smith, his secretary, found him still sitting at his desk at six in the evening. She saw the tears in his eyes. "Herb, what's wrong? Can I help?"
"How many men dies it take to unscrew a cheating wife?" he asked. He wiped the tears from his eyes and stood. "I guess I had better figure out where we go from here."
"Oh no, I see what you're thinking. You can't afford violence or a divorce. She'd win and she will win unless you keep your cool. Let me sleep on this and try to figure out a good approach that leaves you with your property intact. I assume you won't give the okay for me to shoot her?"
"Ah no. If you got caught I'd lose the brains that makes this company go." In spite of himself and his sadness, he smiled at her.
"Damn it Herb, how could she do this to you? There's not a person who works here can ever honestly say a bad thing about you."
"Let's lock up and go home." Herb escorted her out of the office area shack and began to lock up behind them.
Herb came home to an empty house. He watched the news until bedtime. His mind began to churn out plots and counter plots. A part of him knew he would never reconcile with her. Then he figured out his revenge. He thought hard, considered all the pros and cons until he said to himself, "How about that!" Then he went to bed and slept.
Barbara made it to work ahead of him as usual. "How ya feeling, Boss?" she asked when he came in the front door.
"I have a plan," he told her. "As soon as the dispatcher gets here, come see me. You might have a refinement or two for me to consider. Oh yes, I do have a plan." His grin was an angry one.
Barbara looked hard at him and cautioned, "Please Herb, don't do anything too precipitous. I like working for you and want to keep you in charge, not her."
"Take care of things out here, then come see me. I do have a plan." He went back to his office.
"How about that?" Barbara said to herself, unconsciously mimicking her friend and employer. "Mister Cool in action."
An hour later, she entered his office and asked, "Okay Maestro, what's this grand plan of yours?"
Herb told her, "Sit." He gestured toward the chair in front of his desk. He shoved a photo album across his desk toward her.
Barbara opened, looked and asked, "So? What do these pictures of last summer's company picnic have to do with your present problems?"
"You reminded me that the laws in this state favor the woman. However, I have a plan. You, my dear accomplice, shall assist me in my search for the perfect porn site.
"We'll use the Dell laptop I bought from a man of dubious honesty. It has Ubuntu as the operating system and is wifi ready. I want to download pictures of men with my general body type in sexual poses. Next we Photoshop my face or head onto the sex pictures and I'll send them to my wife anonymously. Now I want them good enough to fool the casual viewer, but not too perfect."
"And when your wife uses those pictures as proof of your infidelity, your attorney unmasks them as frauds and accuses your soon to be ex of manufacturing evidence. How about that?" She grinned at him.
"Inasmuch as I can prove my pictures of Donna in action come from a reliable source, I stand a chance of perhaps getting an annulment. That way she gets nothing and I'll be free to ravish your sweet, delectable body, stick my tongue down your throat and get you pregnant with triplets at least. How about that?" He laughed at her expression.
Barbara's face looked as if she had just swallowed a bitter pill. "I don't think that part of your grand plan has the chance of a snowball in hell of working. First, I am a full time lesbian. No man's tongue has ever slid down my throat or into any other part of my body. Nothing else on a man's body has ever penetrated my do not enter zone. Not to mention that my lover and life partner would kill both of us if I ever permitted such atrocities on my lovely body. Oh yes, Herbert, I am old enough to be your mother and am fifty-six years old. Now how about that?"
"Mere details. You have your assignment. Go forth and execute that assignment." He handed her the aged laptop and pointed toward the door.
The next day, Barbara entered Herb's office and handed him twelve pictures. The first one gave Herb a near heart attack. It showed a man wearing a cowboy hat and boots with spurs plowing into an attractive young woman's rear end. The face on the man was Herb's. He had a big grin that showed the gap between his two front teeth.
He uttered a fervent, "Hoo boy, how about that?" Damn, I look good in action."
"And good you should look. After all, the body belongs to Lance Pounder, king of porn flicks." She laughed as he stared at the picture.
"You know, I never tried anything like that before. I just might try to live up to my future billing."
"You never tried anal?" she asked.
Herb shook his head no. "All I ever did was me on top, she on the bottom and go up and down until we were finished. All the time we were married, that was all she wanted."
"What about during college?" Barbara cast an inquisitive look his way.
"I met a young girl from Scotland, Annie Laurie Mac Laughlin. Her two older brothers taught her to never deviate away from their Anglican teachings. Missionary position and never wiggle around too much. I let her wiggle."
"Herb, you daring dog you. You actually let the dear girl wiggle while you did the deed?" Barbara gave him a sideways glance and did her best to not laugh.
"She told me I was a much better lover than her brothers." Herb had a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
"Oh, you daring old dog you," Barbara exclaimed with false admiration. You actually permitted her to wiggle while you pounded the mattress with her. How about that."
"I can unbend a little when the time is right." Barbara felt he looked a little too smug.