"I am buying Jack a Condo as soon as I can."

I chirped as I entered the house. I am Bob, just plain Bob, an average guy with an average life but a momentous problem. My wife Lynn, the high and mighty Mistress Lynn of my house, was a controlling bitch who showed her true colors three months after we got married and since then, in the ensuing three years, my life has gone from bad to worse. Jack has just made my life much easier.

Lynn looked up and said, "What?"

"I'm going to buy Jack a condo and perhaps even an expensive car. He is the best friend that I can hope to have." I said as I flopped on the single seat beside her.

"Why, what happened?" She asked

"Okay, hear me out. Jack has been my best friend since grade school. It was in the eighth grade that I started making crank calls to Betty Pool's house. I would call up and ask what color undergarments was she wearing and if she would strip for me behind the gym. of course, after some time, Betty caught up to the fact that I was the one making the calls. So, she asked her parents to do something about it. My parents were called and then one day I found myself sitting in her living room with my parents and just about to be ripped a new asshole. It was a no win situation when the phone rang and it turned out to be the guy who was harassing her. I was let off the hook. I was back to making the calls within the next few days but that phone call from Jack saved my life." I said

"OK, so he called up Betty's home and diverted suspicion from you. Why would you give him a condo for it?" She was a little confused.

"That's not all. When we were in collage together he saved my life once again. This time it was a bodybuilder type ex-boyfriend of my then-current girlfriend, who was convinced that I had 'stolen' his girl. He was not pissed off at the fact that I was dating her but at the fact that I was dating her even before she broke off with him. I was guilty as charged but when Jack heard about it. He made sure that Jenny, the girl in question, went out with a different guy every day and then wind up with me as soon as the Moose was sure that she was not with me. This convinced him that I was one of many and she was playing the field. Suddenly he was not as angry as before." I related another story to her.

"I don't see any reason to give him a condo in this story either." She said.

"Hang on. This was not all. In the final year I was smitten by this very beautiful girl and I could see no wrong with her and almost fought with him when he said that she was cheating on me. jack went out of his way to get me pictures and video of the girl in bed with someone else." I gave her another example. "In fact I cannot tell you how many times he has saved my ass. He is the best friend in the whole world. he has done it again today."