Chapter 5: A New Beginning

I woke up about 11 am with the sound of the TV blaring in the living room and with the biggest hangover I think I had ever had. I walked into the living room and my son was watching cartoons on the TV and I yelled at him,

"Joey, turn that damn thing down goddamn it!" Joey started crying and I walked in to the kitchen looking for some coffee and some aspirin for my head and started looking through cabinets.

Lydia was sitting at the kitchen table with our daughter, Christine, feeding her oatmeal cereal and she said to me,

"Please Dan, don't take it out on the children. It's my fault, not theirs."

I looked at her and said, "You sure got that one right you slut whore. It's all your fucking fault, every goddamn bit of it."

And I poured myself a cup of coffee and continued opening and closing cabinets and Lydia said,

"What are you looking for honey? I'll find it for you." I snapped back at her,

"Where is the fucking aspirin bitch?" And Lydia answered,

"It's in the bathroom medicine cabinet dear. Please, let me get it for you." And she started to get up and put the baby into her high chair and I said,

"Sit down slut and take care of Chrissie damn you. I don't need you to do anything for me. I'll get my own fucking aspirin."

I walked out of the kitchen and saw Joey still crying in front of the TV and went over and picked him up and hugged him and said,

"I'm sorry Joey. Daddy didn't mean to yell at you honey. I just don't feel very good this morning. Now you just sit here and enjoy your cartoons for a while and later you and I will play some video games, ok son?" He nodded his head yes and I kissed him on the cheek and put him down. As I did I saw the cum stains on the carpet where Norm had spewed his cum when Lydia jacked him off and I thought to myself, 'Well it looks like at least that part of her story was true, ' and went to find my aspirin.

When I returned to the kitchen Lydia had finished feeding the baby and had sent her to her room to play with her dolls and was cooking me some bacon and eggs. I sat down to drink my coffee and said,

"Who is that for?" She said,

"For you Dan. Please let me do this. You need to eat honey. It's the best thing for a hangover." I said,

"I'm not hungry you fucking slut whore, and when I am I'll get my own food."

Lydia turned the stove off and went to the kitchen door and told Joey to go outside to play awhile and then came over to sit at the kitchen table with me. She sat there for a minute with her head down looking at the floor and I could tell that she was trying to gather her thoughts. Finally she turned to look at me and there were tears in her eyes and her lips were trembling as she started to speak,

"I know that I have no right to ask this of you Dan. I have done you a terrible wrong, the most terrible hurt that any wife could inflict on to her husband. If I could turn back the clock I would, but I can't. I don't know either if our marriage will survive this, but I am praying to God with all my heart and soul that it will. You have been, still are, and no matter what happens, always will be, the love of my life."

"You're a strong, good, decent man and a wonderful father. I just saw how tender and loving you were with Joey and it broke my heart to think that in one drunken thoughtless moment that I may have destroyed that as well. I know you are hurting, and you are lashing out wanting to hurt me in return for what I have done to you. I don't blame you for that. I understand it and you have every right to feel that way. But you're really succeeding Dan, more than you know, and even though I know I deserve all of it and more and have no right to ask this, please, please don't call me those horrible names, especially in front of the children. I'm not a whore Dan, and neither am I a slut even though I know I acted like one for one terrible drunken moment last night- a mistake that I will live with for the rest of my life."

"Right now I know that you hate me, but I also know that you once loved me. All I ask is that you give me a chance to prove to you that I do love you and only you and for a chance to win back your love and trust. It won't be easy and it will take time, maybe a long time, and maybe I will fail. I know that. But I think what we once had, the love and respect we had for each other, was a beautiful thing, and I think it's worth fighting for with all of the fiber of my being to get it back. Please, please just give me, no give us, a chance to save our marriage."

I thought for a few minutes and replied, "I don't know Lydia, I just don't know. I don't know if I will ever be able to erase from my brain that image of you thrusting your cunt up against Norm's cock like a common slut whore and begging him to drive it deeper into your cunt and give you his cum. You know Lydia, the only difference between a slut and a whore is that a slut gives it away for free to anyone who wants it. But a slut that demands payment for it, raises herself a little above the level of a common trashy slut and deserves the right to call herself a whore, which is at least an honest profession, even if not one that is always accepted by polite society. So I guess you're right. You're not really a whore yet, and I won't call you one anymore until you start getting paid for being a slut. But until you do I just don't know if I can look at you anymore and not see a slut."

I looked at Lydia when I said that, and I could see the tears streaming down her face. She wasn't crying vocally but I could see in her eyes the deep wound and pain that I inflicted on her and I'm afraid I lost my composure. My own eyes filled with tears and I looked down and away at the floor because I didn't want her to see me cry and I thought to myself, 'My God, what am I doing? How can I be hurting this woman like this? This woman that I love so much, the mother of my children. I just don't have it in me.' And then I said aloud as I raised my head to look her in the eyes,

"I'm sorry Lydia. I can't do this anymore. I don't really want to hurt you. I know you're not really a slut or a whore, and you're right, I was only trying to hurt you and make you feel the kind of pain I feel. I'm ashamed for that, but I'm confused Lydia. I've totally lost my bearings and I don't know what to do. Never in all my life have I felt so totally incapable of knowing what to do. I stood in that doorway last night for almost a minute watching you fuck Norm knowing that I should have rushed in and beat the shit out of Norm for what he was doing to you like any real man would do if he saw some other man fucking his woman. But I couldn't do it."

"You see, I knew that for whatever reason, you went in to that room and offered yourself to him. That pissed me off big time, but then I thought how could I blame my best friend, Norm, for accepting the offer, when I knew in my heart that if I were in his shoes I would have eagerly done the same if it had been Beth coming to me and begging me to fuck her. And I also knew that if I did rush in and jump on Norm, it would have raised a hell of a racket and Tom and Gretchen next door in their bedroom would have certainly heard it all through these thin duplex walls and would know that Norm had been fucking you. The word would surely get out and I would be the butt of jokes and derision in the squadron and would never be able to hold my head up again if I didn't either beat the shit out of Norm or kick you out of my life and divorce you for being a cheating wife, or both."

"But if I did nothing and let Norm get away with fucking you, that would make me a pathetic, cowardly, weak dick imitation of a real man unable and unwilling to defend what was his and destroy any respect I had for myself. And if that ever got out, my future as a fighter pilot would also go up in smoke as my squadron mates would look on me as a weak, cowardly, wimp unworthy of their trust, confidence, and loyalty."

"I stood there in that doorway frozen in indecision, unable to reconcile all those conflicting thoughts and despising myself for not being able to act. On top of all that, I realized that I was feeling such a strange and powerful erotic pleasure at the sight of you responding so eagerly in humping your cunt up to meet Norm's thrusting cock as he drove it into your cunt that my cock had gotten rock hard and I was close to having an orgasm myself, and I thought to myself, 'What kind of degenerate, sick, perverted man takes erotic pleasure in seeing another man fuck his wife?' I knew I had to do something Lydia, but I was paralyzed by all those thoughts."

"Finally in desperation, I thought if I flicked the light on and off and pretended not to recognize that it was you and Norm in there fucking, but rather another couple that had fallen asleep in Chrissie's room earlier in the evening and had not yet gone home, that I might be able to avoid doing anything and be able to go back to bed and pretend to fall back to sleep leaving you and Norm a way out for the two of you to sneak out of Chrissie's room and Norm could sleep it off in the bed in Joey's room and you could quietly come to bed."

"But as soon as I closed the door and heard you crying and yelling at Norm that I had seen you fucking him and Norm calling you a bitch and saying that he was going to beg my forgiveness for fucking you, I knew that it was all over and there was no chance to pull off a face saving bluff, and besides that, Tom and Gretchen probably heard the whole damn thing through the thin walls of this duplex anyway."

"I went into the living room to sit down and wait for you two to come out and I became filled with such a rage as I have never before experienced as I realized that my career and my self-respect were going into the toilet unless I took the only actions left to me to try and salvage something out of the mess that you had created and some shred of my self-respect, and that was to beat the shit out of Norm and kick you out of my life and divorce you."