Chapter 10: Slaying Hidden Demons of the Mind

My next assignment out of grad school was to an east coast fighter base located in a very popular tourist area. This time, however, I was not a member of a fighter squadron. Armed with my new computer science degree, I was to be the director of the wing's computer operations and network management division on the wing staff. I was now a wing staff support officer 'affectionately' known by the squadron fighter jocks as 'straphangers', meaning staff officers that came down to fly with them a few times a month to log our minimum required flying time in order to qualify for our flight pay.

Of course, not all staff officers were pilots. In fact most weren't. But those of us who were rated pilots were officially categorized as "behind the line mission capable" pilots that were available to augment the fighter squadrons in the event we became involved in actual combat operations and flew at wartime surge sortie rates. Squadron pilots were known as "mission ready line pilots". The phrases, mission capable and mission ready in association with fighter pilots was just a way of describing the difference between different levels of training and flying proficiency. A squadron line pilot typically flew an average of 22 to 25 training sorties per month while a straphanger only logged five or six sorties a month.

Anyway, it was great being back in an Air Force community again even if it was as a straphanger this time. Our sex life was very good as our frequent three ways with Allen had finally caused Lydia to finally accept the fact that I really and truly did want her to fuck and suck other men so I could watch and enhance my own pleasure by seeing her perform her magic on other men and their cocks. She confided in me that it also gave her a lot of erotic pleasure as well and she really missed our sessions with Allen.

She said that while she enjoyed the pure physical act of fucking him and giving him good blow jobs and feeling him cum in her cunt and mouth, what really excited her the most and made her want to fuck and suck Allen was the look of utter joy and happiness on my face as I watched her service another man. The knowledge that she was making me so completely happy made her feel totally fulfilled as a woman and really intensified her own orgasms to a level that she had never imagined possible.

For the first year or so sex was great with Lydia as we both enjoyed talking dirty to each other whenever we fucked, reliving the great threesomes we had with Allen, especially the memorable ones like when Allen and I both would take turns switching between her cunt and ass when we fucked her at the same time as in one cock in her cunt and the other cock in her ass; and the times when Lydia would suck both of our cocks at the same time. The last time she did it Allen and I both came at the same time and Lydia scrambled unsuccessfully to swallow two huge loads of our cum and ended up with a lot of it spraying all over her tits and face.

I remember Allen and I laughed our asses off at the sight of Lydia frantically scooping up as much of our cum off her face and tits as she could on her fingers and then licking and eating it off her fingers as fast as she could. Lydia stuck out her cum laden tongue at both of us and said,

"Wipe those stupid grins off your faces you two assholes. It's a crime to be wasting all this tasty cock sauce. From now on no more simultaneous blow jobs for you two fuckheads. I'm only going to suck one cock at a time, so get used to it!"

But after a little over a year had passed I began having my old problem again of having some difficulty in reaching an orgasm with Lydia. We had milked our three way experiences with Allen to the point that they were becoming stale with overuse and I needed something new. Lydia was concerned because she had hoped that the great three-way sex we had with Allen would cure me of the escalating nature of my compulsive obsession. But she knew now that was not in the cards and she said to me that she felt that we needed outside help to understand how to deal with this problem of ours. I knew in my heart she was right and I loved her all the more for treating it as "our problem" and not my problem. She then had a suggestion which was to be the answer that would eventually solve all our problems- even the ones that we didn't even know we had. But we didn't know it at the time.

Lydia said that she had been talking to one of the squadron wives one day and this wife was confiding in her some of the sexual problems she and her husband had been having and told Lydia that there was a woman psychiatrist in town who specialized in counseling and treating those kinds of problems between married couples and had just worked wonders for she and her husband. I might add that Lydia was a celebrity among the women of the base and she was accepted immediately by all of them as a heroine and role model of the type of air force wife that they all wished they could be. Lydia had become used to some of them confiding their sexual problems in her and asking for her advice.

You see, the accounts of Lydia's performance that day in the squadron briefing room had spread like wildfire all through the air force fighter community until now it had become part of the folklore of the air force. Of course like all salacious rumors and stories that got passed around from mouth to mouth it kept getting added to each time it was repeated so that by the time we heard it repeated in a goup of people who did not know who we were at an off base party in the civilian community. The way we heard that rumor that night amazed us as we could not recognize the event at all and Lydia was being described as a fabulous five star world class ex-whore who married a fighter jock and got drunk at a big party with a bunch of fighter jocks and offered to pull a train for every fighter jock in the room while I was passed out drunk as long as they would all keep it a secret and not tell me about it. Of course as the rumor went, everyone swore themselves to secrecy and then she proceeded to cunt fuck and cock suck every jock in the room over and over again until none of them were able to generate another hard-on. That story was so patently absurd and stupid that we just laughed about it when we got home that night. But one Friday evening soon after we reported in to our new assignment, we were at the O Club having a quiet drink at the bar together when we were approached by a young lieutenant fighter pilot and he said,

"Excuse me Maj Bartlett, but are you the same Maj Bartlett that used to be with 172nd before they moved to Texas?" I replied, "Yes I am Lieutenant. How can I help you?"

He said, "It's an honor to meet you sir. I'm Jeff Bishop and I'm in the 332nd. I sure hope you will come down and fly with us sir. It would be an honor to fly on your wing," and then he turned to look at Lydia and said to me, "And I presume sir this lovely lady is Mrs Bartlett?"

I said, "You're correct again Lieutenant," and I looked at Lydia and said, "Honey may I present Lieutenant Jeff Bishop of the 332nd Fighting Demons," and to Lieutenant Bishop I said, "Lieutenant, my wife Lydia." Lydia extended her hand to the lieutenant and said, "I am very delighted to meet you lieutenant", and he replied in turn as he took her hand and bowed slightly, "The delight is all mine ma'am. It is an honor to meet you. Would you mind very much ma'am if I brought my wife over. She is dying to meet you and she would never forgive me if I didn't ask."

Lydia laughed and said, "By all means Lieutenant. I would never want to be the cause of any distress between such a gallant young gentleman and his lady, and I would very much like to meet your wife. He broke in to a big grin and lost all pretense at being formal and said, "Wow! Fantastic. Now don't you two go anywhere, I'll be right back." I looked at Lydia and said, "Honey you're famous and I know why, and it makes me so damn proud to be your husband I could bust."

And then Lieutenant Bishop arrived back with his pretty young wife in tow and said to Lydia, "Mrs Bartlett, this is my wife Suzie," and to his wife, "Honey this is Mrs Bartlett." Suzie immediately started to gush all over Lydia, "Oh, Mrs Bartlett I've heard so much about you. It's an honor to know you. You are my... ," and then Lieutenant Bishop suddenly realized he had left me out and interrupted his wife, "Oh gosh I'm sorry! Honey this is Maj Bartlett's husband ... I mean this is Maj Bartlett, Mrs Bartlett's wife ... no, I mean her husband ... oh damn, I'm making a fool of myself!" I laughed and said,

"Relax Lieutenant. It happens to me as well every time I find myself in the presence of two such stunningly beautiful women like your lovely wife Suzie and my Lydia." Suzie looked at me and said, "I'm very pleased to meet you Maj Bartlett. Thank you for that very nice compliment. Would you mind very much sir if I borrowed your wife for a little while. I have a whole table full of 332nd wives that are dying to meet her." Then she looked at Lydia and said, "Please Mrs Bartlett, could I impose on you?"

I said, "Go, go, go Lydia. I'm sure Lieutenant Bishop here will keep me very good company bringing me up to speed on the latest developments in fighter tactics that have occurred while I have been goofing off for the last two years in academia." Lydia smiled at Suzie and said, "Lead on dear and please call me Lydia. Every time I hear Mrs Bartlett I keep looking around for Dan's mother."

Anyway, Lydia continued to explain her idea to me and said that she had already been to see this female psychiatrist on two occasions. Her name was Ingrid Carlson and she was Swedish by birth and had emigrated as a young girl with her parents to our country some 25 years ago. Lydia said she listened carefully to Lydia's rough outline of our problem and said that it sounded like there were other deep rooted factors at work than the obvious ones involving the incident with Norm that Lydia had recounted to her. But she thought that if we were both willing to work with her that she felt like she could help us.

She recommended that Lydia and I see her separately for about five or six sessions each so that she could get to know each of us better as individuals and begin to probe for indicators that might be causing our difficulties. She made sure that Lydia understood that whatever Lydia told her during their sessions and whatever I told her during ours would remain totally confidential. Professional ethics would not permit her to share Lydia's thoughts with me or mine with Lydia. She told Lydia that from what she knew so far that she was fairly certain that both of us had individual issues that needed to be resolved individually before we could begin to work on our sexual relationship problems.

I agreed with Lydia's suggestion because the only thing that had really worked for me so far were our three ways with Allen. But trying to develop three way opportunities with men from the air base was not an option. It was just too risky as the consequences of our sexual practices being discovered and brought to the attention of my chain of command would surely have resulted in the end of my air force career. And nothing stayed secret on an air force base for very long. So Lydia and I both began a course of treatment with Ingrid that lasted for almost 15 months.

Lydia and I both would see Ingrid independently for once a week for one hour. As it turned out, both of us really had some deep-seated repressed hang-ups that took a lot of time and trust for Ingrid to bring to the surface. Although I did not find out about Lydia's issues until we had completed our professional course of doctor-patient treatments with Ingrid, because we had agreed to honor Ingrid's wish that we not talk to each other about what transpired in our individual sessions with Ingrid while we were actively undergoing treatment.

As for me, Ingrid helped me to understand that my obsession with wanting to see Lydia fuck and suck other men was not at all abnormal. She said this was a very common fantasy for married men to have and showed me many scholarly studies that consistently documented that on average as many as 40% to 50% of all married men secretly wished to see their wives fuck and suck other men. And of that group, at least 60% actually got to really experience watching their wife fuck and suck one or more men on a regular basis. She said that in many husbands, the fact that other men desired their wives made them feel more masculine and strong knowing that their wives chose them, the husbands, above other men who also found the wife to be sexually desirable.

Ingrid's advice to me was not to be ashamed of these feelings and not to try and repress this desire, but to acknowledge it to Lydia. Share my fantasies about her fucking and sucking other men when we were fucking each other and tell her how good it made me feel to see how attractive and sexually desirable she was to other men knowing that she had chose me and that she was my woman.

According to Ingrid, this feeling was a normal instinct in all male animals who vied and fought for dominance over each other in having access to females in order to procreate their species. The same instinct was always present in human males only it was more often than not suppressed or expressed in more genteel ways than fighting, due to the mediating effects of being civilized.

Giving permission for their woman to fuck and suck another man while they watched was one of the ways that many men validated their own potency and dominance over other males. In their minds it was like saying, "I own this very desirable female and you can fuck her and enjoy her body only because I, your superior, grant you permission."

But in my case their were other factors also at work that made this natural male instinct that most men usually expressed as harmless fantasies to heighten the intensity of the sexual experience with their women. In my case it became an obsessive compulsion to actually physically see my wife being possessed and fucked by other men and then to watch her suck other men's cocks and eat their cum.

It took over nine months of work with Ingrid constantly probing and asking questions and drawing me out until in the end she made me acknowledge the source of my obsession and helped me to understand that it was the result of many years of repressing some very deep conflicted feelings I had for my mother.

My mother was a very beautiful and sexy woman. She was also a very promiscuous woman. During her teen years, she had been very wild and fucked and sucked anything on two legs that had a cock. She was so addicted to fucking that she had actually tried out being a whore for about a year and a half when she was seventeen and eighteen before she met my dad. And even after they were married she had a number of affairs, which she never tried to hide from dad, but he loved her so much that he always took her back.

When I was sixteen she caught me in my room jacking off one afternoon and said that I didn't have to do that because she was my mother and mother's were supposed to take care of the needs of their children, and before I knew what was happening she pushed me back on my bed, dropped her skirt and panties and climbed on top of me and took my virginity and proceeded to fuck my brains out.

My mom was really a great piece of ass and still ranks in my book as one of the best lays I have ever had. She could make her cunt do magic things to my cock. For the next couple of years until I left for college she and I had frequent regular sex together at least once or twice a week including oral sex. The truth is that my mother was truly a world class cock sucker.

To this day I have never found a woman who could suck a cock as good as my mom could and enjoyed eating cum more than she did. I knew at the time that what we were doing was wrong and incestuous and I was feeling guilty about fucking my dad's wife. But I was young and horny and loved the fact that I was getting fucked and sucked by a beautiful woman several time a week, even if she was my mom, while most of my buddies were still dreaming about getting their first piece of ass.

I suspect that my dad knew that mom and I were regularly fucking and sucking each other for that last two years I was in high school, but he never let on that he knew about it and so we all pretended that everything was normal. After I left home for college, the only time I could fuck mom was when I came home for summers and holidays, and mom and I would try and make up for lost time. Dad still acted as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on, until the last time I came home for Xmas just before I graduated.

Dad was working the night shift and mom and I were decorating the Xmas tree when she said we needed a little fun break. She got down on her knees and pulled down my pants as I was standing there in front of the tree and pulled out my cock and said that she was going to give me one of my presents a little early and began giving me one of her fantastic blow jobs. Just as I started to explode and began shooting my thick jets of cum into her mouth, dad unexpectedly walked in and saw mom with my cock in her mouth and my cum oozing out of her mouth and dribbling down her chin as I was shooting my cum wads into her mouth.

Mom saw him walk in to the room but she kept right on sucking and swallowing all my cum until I was dry and then she turned and looked at dad while licking the cum off her lips with her tongue and said,

"Goodness Herb, you're home early tonight. Hope there wasn't any trouble at the plant. Have you had supper yet? I'll fix you something to eat if you haven't."

It was surreal. My mom was acting like it was just a normal every day thing for her husband to walk in on her giving their son a blow job and eating his cum. Dad didn't say a word to me. He looked like a crushed man, with his shoulders slumped as he quietly replied to mom,

"This is the end Evelyn. I put up with all the other men over the years because I love you and couldn't help myself. But this is more than even I can stand. I knew you have been fucking Danny these last five or six years but I just put it out of my mind hoping that you would tire of him eventually. But this is so depraved that even I can't take anymore."

Then he looked at me and said, "Merry Xmas Danny. I hope you have a good life son."

Then he turned and walked out of the house and neither mom or I ever saw or heard from him again.