It had been a rough day at work and what I really wanted to do when I got home was kick back, sip a beer and watch Monday night football. I was no sooner in the door when my wife Tess came up to me, gave me a great big hug and a kiss and said, "I've got a surprise for you lover." She too me by the arm and led me into the kitchen where my night was promptly destroyed. Sitting at the kitchen table was my wife's best friend Jane and her husband Fred.

"Jane and Fred are going to be in town for five days and I offered them the spare bedroom."

I smiled and said hello, but inside I was dying. I couldn't stand Jane — she was a round heeled slut - and I got nervous whenever she got near Tess for fear that her roundheeledness would rub off. Jane's husband Fred was a moron and I had been told by someone that his shoe size (13D) was two points higher than his IQ and I believed it. I once asked Tess what Jane saw in Fred and she told me that it was his cock.

"His cock and his IQ have something in common. Like his IQ is two points higher than his shoe size, his cock is only two inches less."

"I hope that you don't know that from personal experience."

Tess giggled and said, "I'll never tell, but Jane talks about it all the time."

Anyway, to say that I didn't care for Jane or Fred would be an understatement. But Jane was my wife's oldest and dearest friend and I had to smile and be civil around them. Had I been Catholic five minutes in their company would have qualified me for sainthood and they were going to be in the house for five days. Fortunately I would only have to put up with them for one day, two at the most. I was scheduled to leave the next day for Detroit to handle some affairs pertaining to my dad's estate. It was only supposed to take two days, but I knew I could stretch it to three and with some really good luck I might even be able to make it last four and the house guests from hell would be gone when I got back.

Tess drove me to the airport and told me to have a safe trip. Then she gave me a kiss that curled my toes and told me that since she was going to have to go without for three days I'd better come back prepared not to leave the bedroom for a couple of days. I told her to enjoy her visit with Jane and Fred and she drove away

Inside the terminal I checked the departure monitors and saw that all flights were listed as on time and I headed for my gate and checked in and then sat back to read the book I'd brought along. Twenty minutes before departure time they announced maintenance delay and said that they would be boarding in another twenty minutes or so. Fifteen minutes later they announced that the problem was taking a little longer to correct than they had originally estimated and a half-hour later they announced that the aircraft was being taken to the hanger. I got on the phone and called my brother and told him not to head for the airport to pick me up until I called him with my new arrival time.

"Why are you coming? Didn't you get the letter from the lawyer?"

"What letter?"

"They were digging through some of dad's old papers and they found a will made out a year later than the one we all thought was his last will and testament. It changed everything. The lawyer sent us all a letter telling us he would reschedule after he had reviewed the new will."

I got on the phone to call home, but got no answer. Tess, Jane and Fred had probably gone out. I caught a cab home and the house was dark and empty when I got there. I waited up for them until midnight and then I went to bed.

The front door slamming brought me out of a sound sleep and I heard the three of them laughing and making noise. I shook the sleep out of my eyes and was getting up to join them when Jane said, "So, do you want to try Fred's cock or not?"

"Oh come on Jane, you know I can't."

"Why not? You don't hesitate to fuck guys when you come to visit us. Hell sweetie, you followed that cowboy out to his back seat fast enough tonight. Fred wants a taste of you, isn't that right Fred?"

"Damned right."

"And I know that you have always been curious about the size of his cock."

"I can't Jane, it wouldn't be right for me to do it in Jake's house."

"Bullshit sweetie. It is your house too. I'll go along with it might not be right to do it on Jake's bed, but anywhere else in the house is fair game. I'm tired of listening to Fred whine about wanting to fuck you. Do me a favor and fuck him, please? Tell you what, we will sweeten the pot."

"What do you mean?"

"You and that cowboy were gone quite a while. How many times did you do him?

"Three times."

"So all of his splooge is still in you?"

"Splooge?"

"You know, cum, jizz, sperm, special sauce or whatever you want to call it. Is it still in you?"

"I guess so, why?"

"Because Fred loves cream pies, don't you Fred?"

"Damned right."

"Cream pies? What's that?"

"It's your twat full of cum sweetie; a pussy full of cum is called a cream pie and if you give Fred a piece of your pussy he will eat your cream pie, right Fred?"

"Damned right."

"Eat my pussy when it has another man's cum in it? That sounds gross."

"It might sound gross, but I promise you that you will love it. Won't she Fred?"

"Damned right."

"Gee Jane, I don't know."

"Come on sweetie, what's one more cock tonight. I can promise you that the cowboy you took on tonight didn't wind you up half as good as Fred will. Think about it sweetie. Jake will be gone for three days. If I know you, and I do know you my slutty girlfriend, you have that cowboy's phone number. Why leave the house for him when Fred can keep us both happy and we won't even have to leave the house. You will take good care of us, won't you Fred?"

"Damned right."

"There, see?"

"Well, I suppose I could do it as long as we don't do it on Jake's bed. I am curious about Fred's cock since I've listened to you talk about it so much. Does he have rubbers with him? I have to be very careful because Jake has had a vasectomy."

"What about the three loads the cowboy dumped in you tonight?

"Jerry has had a vasectomy too."

"You mean that you just didn't pick him up tonight?"

"Oh no, Jerry has been seeing me for over a year now."

"Well you are in luck girlfriend, because Fred never goes anywhere without a carton of Trojans, right Fred?"

"Damned right."

"So come on sweetie, let's take it to the bedroom."

I sat there in the bedroom absolutely stunned at what I'd just heard. Tess fucked other guys when she went to Kansas City to visit Jane? Tess had been fucking a guy named Jerry for a year? And now she was going to fuck the moron? I was torn between wanting to storm out of the room and throw all three of them out onto the street and staying where I was to see what other little tidbits might come my way. I decided that the more information that I had when I went for the divorce the better off I would be. I have a small den that I built off the bedroom and I hurried over to it, got my tape recorder out of the desk drawer and then moved over to the bedroom door to better hear and tape what went on in the spare bedroom.

I don't really know what I expected to hear, but it wasn't what I got. The hesitant, uncertain Tess in the living room was not the Tess who was in the spare bedroom. She went right after Fred.

"Come on Fred, get those pants off and let me see what Jane is always talking about."

I heard sounds of undressing and then Tess said, "You know I don't do girl/girl Jane so what are you going to do while Fred and I are busy?"

"Well girlfriend, I'll be sucking his cock while he eats your cream pie and by the time Fred is ready to stretch you out and make you scream for joy my toy should be here."

"Your toy?"

"Oh yeah. While you were outside fucking the cowboy I was setting myself up with the bartender."

"Mitch? You picked up Mitch and he's coming here?"

"Yes indeedy."

"Oh shit!"

"What's wrong?"

"I never let Mitch know where I lived. He was just too damned possessive and I was afraid he would come by sometime when Jake was home."

"Oh you dirty girl you. You and Mitch?"

"Yes, he was the one before Jerry."

"Is he any good?"

"Yes, but you had better like anal. Mitch loves to butt fuck."

"Well so do I. Fred fucks my pooper all the time, don't you Fred?"

"Damned right."

One more thing to rock me back on my heels. Before Jerry there was Mitch and she let Mitch ass fuck her which was something that she would never, ever let me do. As if reading my mind Jane asked the question that had formed in my brain.

"I know that you are a slut when you come to visit me, but I always thought that you kept it clean when you were at home. How long have you been fucking around behind Jake's back?"

"Since about six months after the wedding."

"Good grief girlfriend, that was eight years ago. You been hanging horns on Jake for eight years?"