Chapter 2

"I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to see you laughing
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain
Purple Rain, Purple Rain"

You hear about people committing suicide at a young age. Now I understood why. I couldn't go much lower right than I was then. It is true what they say, 'You don't know what you have till you lose it.' That's exactly the way I felt.

God, why did I take everything for granted. If it wasn't for my boys I would drive off the nearest cliff. When I began drinking, the Wilson's asked me to move out. I could hardly blame them. Who wanted a drunk in their house?

I found a room down in the slum area because that was all I could afford. I was already behind on child support. I was waiting for them to come get me and throw me in jail.

My room was in the back of the bar. Joe gave me free rent as long as I kept the place clean and I did a few errands for him. He also gave me twenty bucks a day under the table, which allowed me to eat.

I have to say something here about Marci. She always took the boys over to mom's house so I could see them. She mentioned to mom that I was their dad and hoped that someday I would get my act together. She never really downgraded me and had stopped calling me names. For some unknown reason, she talked nice about me to the boys, even though they were still tots.

I often wondered if there might be a chance that we could ever get back together. That thought was probably one of the few things to help me through it all.

One day I received a knock at the back door. I figured it was the police coming to get me for not paying child support, but it was my dad.

"Barry, may I come in? I have something to talk to you about."

As I have mentioned, dad is a straight shooter. He doesn't mince much with words but has always told me the truth.

"Dad, I really screwed up and I don't know what to do. I've tried looking for work but no one wants to hire a guy like me." By then I was half crying.

"Barry, that's why I'm here. I talked to Roy Skelton at the truck depot and he is willing to offer you a position."

"God, Dad, I'll take it! I'll do whatever he needs."

"Easy Barry, let me tell you about it. It's an over-the-road long haul driver. The pay is great but you won't be home very often."

"Dad, I don't have a home now. I just want to make things right with Marci and support my boys."

"You will be driving all over the United States. You might get home a few days a month at best. I just want you to know that it is a really lonely job. I started my driving career the same way and eventually was able to bid on the shorter runs."

"Why is Mr. Skelton doing this?"

"He remembered when you worked on the docks and the good job you did. Besides, I'm his oldest driver and I told him I would vouch for you. Just keep your nose clean and it should all work out fine."

Hugging my dad, it felt good to know he never gave up on me.

"Barry, I mean it when I say it's a lonely job. You'll make friends on the road and your best friends will be other truck drivers in the same type job. Roy said he will see you tomorrow."

Mr. Skelton explained the job to me the next day. There was a combination day and mileage rate, and I would be using his cab so he would get fifteen percent of my pay. If I ever purchased my own rig, I would get the additional money. Right then I couldn't afford a pot to piss in.

After leaving the depot, I went to let my mom and dad know I got the job. Jerry and Larry greeted me at the door. When I saw the smile on their faces, I knew I was doing this for them, even though I would hardly ever see them.

Mom hugged me and told me that since I would only be around a few days a month that I could have the room in the basement. That way whenever I was home I could see the boys. I hugged her and thanked her. She knew I was trying to put my life back together.

I told Joe at the bar about my job and thanked him for helping me out when I needed it most. It was then he told me he was friends with my dad. Again, I had to thank my dad for standing by me. He didn't just do it for me but made me learn to help myself.

I started working the following week. The first couple of weeks were great. I had a new job and saw a lot of the country. After that it was the way my dad had mentioned. I was lonely being by myself for such long periods of time. I began making friends with some of the other truckers. Every waitress looked good to me, and some I became good friends with.

The highlight of my month was the few days I spent at home. Marci always made sure the boys were at mom's to see me even if it was a weekend. I loved spending time with the little guys.

I was able to quickly catch up on my child support and alimony. I had never heard a word from Marci when I was behind. Mom told me she just made do as best as she could. She hadn't lost faith in me and knew I was trying.

The months went by so quickly. Over a year had gone by since I started my new job. It was hard when I couldn't be there for my sons' birthday and the holidays because I was always on the road. I had only seen Marci a couple of times when she came to pick up the boys. She was so beautiful and I missed her so much. We never said much to each other, but every time I saw her I realized how stupid I was.

Before I knew it another year had past. One day when I was home my mom told me Marci wanted to see me. I was almost elated, but mom wasn't smiling. I headed over to see Marci.

When I knocked on the door, a tall older man answered.

"Is Marci here?" I asked.

"You must be Barry. Please come in. I'm Tom Brady."

I was confused. Marci came up to me and Tom told her he would be in the other room if she needed him.

"Who is he?" I asked. "And what is he doing here?"

"I'm getting married to Tom."

"He's old enough to be your father! Why are you doing this?"

"I know Tom is older than me. Sixteen years to be exact. You have to understand that the boys and I need more stability in our life. Tom is a wonderful man and loves the boys."

"He's not taking my sons from me!"

"Barry, he has no intention of replacing you. You are and will always be their father. They need a male role model in their life on a regular basis. They're starting school and life for them will be changing quite a bit."

"What about you? Are you in love with him?"

"He has helped me out a lot in the last two years. Yes, I guess in a sense I love him. He's kind, considerate, and honest, and I enjoy his company."

"So, why am I here?"

"I wanted to tell you myself. I didn't want you to hear it from someone else. I want you to know he isn't replacing you as the boys' father. He understands that. Whenever you are home and want to see the boys, I'll make sure you do. And you won't have to pay alimony anymore."

There were tears in my eyes as I turned around to leave. My heart had fallen into my stomach. Marci could see it too, and had tears in her eyes as well.

"Marci, I screwed up big time. I've lost the only woman that I have ever loved. I wish you and Tom the best." I turned around and left her house. I went back to my mom's to see my sons.

I discovered from my sister that Tom was a teacher at the school. His daughter was nineteen and going away to college. His son was twenty-one and out on his own.

Tom's wife died of cancer four years before. Though he had taken it pretty hard, he did his best to raise his kids on his own. Jane also mentioned that he was teacher of the year three years ago. The whole community liked him.

Jane explained to me that after our divorce Marci was brokenhearted. She loved me but could never totally forgive me. Tom and Marci became friends and then began dating. Tom's kids were happy for their dad because he had been so sad after the loss of his wife. When he met Marci, he seemed happy again. They wondered about the age difference, but trusted their father. Knowing he wouldn't be alone anymore, they were happy for him.

Marci was selling her house to get one a little bigger so the boys could each have their own room. Tom was going to rent his place out. When he died the house would go to his son and daughter. All were happy with the agreement. My mom and dad thought Tom was a nice guy. The boys liked him and called him Tom. I was the only one they called Dad.

In the months following the wedding I only went home for two days before going back on the road. It was hard on me knowing Marci was married to another man, but what should I have expected.

A couple more years went by. One day the boys told me I looked fatter. I laughed but they were right. Sitting on your ass fourteen hours a day will do that to you. So I decided to do something about it.

I joined a national health club. Each night or whenever I got the chance I would work out at the club. Not the muscles type of workout but more of the exercise type. I began walking instead of sitting around. The next time the boys saw me they told me I looked different.

I continued to work out regularly. It made me feel good plus I met quite a few women there. I dated some when I was near certain towns, but I always made sure they weren't married. Singles and divorced women were okay with me. I didn't want to jeopardize my job again.

I went to a couple of prostitutes but it just didn't seem right paying for something that other women were giving away. Besides, I wanted the companionship as much as the sex.

Having dinner and seeing a movie with a woman was a lot nicer than a quick piece of ass. There were a few I could have probably gotten serious about if it wasn't for my job. Not many women wanted a marriage when they would only see their spouse a couple of times a month.

Rose was one such woman. She was a waitress in one of the towns I often went through. I made it a point to stop where she worked every time I was near there. She was the one who suggested I join the national health club if I was really interested in keeping fit.

She was divorced and was raising a daughter on her own. Her ex husband was a trucker, and when she found out he had cheated on her, they got in a big argument. For the sake of her daughter she took him back. When she found he had cheated a second time she threw his ass out. He didn't send support for their daughter, and she had no idea where he was.

After telling me a bit about herself, she asked me about my divorce. When I didn't say anything she guessed I was at fault. I ended up telling her the truth. She was such a wonderful woman; good looking, bright and usually happy.

Whenever I had an overnight stay near her home, I spent time with her. We would go to dinner or maybe take in some type of entertainment. We became good friends, and yes it was friends with benefits. Other than my ex-wife Marci, Rose was the only woman I cared about.

Still it wasn't love but we had a very close friendship. We both knew it wouldn't last forever. I saw her once or twice a month. Being with her made me see how much I missed Marci. For some reason, I couldn't let her go.

One night we drank a little too much and I found myself making passionate love to Rose. Afterward, from out of the blue, I asked her to marry me. Even with the alcohol in me, I knew it was out of caring for her and the climax I had just had.

She looked at me, kissed me, and smiled. "Barry, I love you as a good friend, just like you love me. We both know marriage would never work between us. And I could never marry a man that spent most of his life on the road. You and I are great friends and we should keep it that way.

"Besides, you're still in love with your ex-wife. You called me Marci three times while we had sex. I do feel sad for you but you have to try and get over her. She's not part of your life anymore."

I knew Rose was right. My problem was how do you get rid of memories?

It was about two years later when Rose told me she had found someone. I was happy for her but knew I would miss her. She deserved a good life with a good man, and I wished her the best. The next time I was in town I stopped at the restaurant and Rose was gone.

Life went on and I saw my boys growing up without me. I did what I could with them but life was passing me by. They were great boys; Marci and Tom were teaching them well. I took them fishing and they knew how to bait their own hooks; Tom had taught them. Even when we went to a ballgame they knew all the rules because Tom took the time to explain everything to them.

Tom was doing all the things that I should have done. I just wasn't there enough for them. The odd thing was that they didn't hate me for it. They always greeted me with, "Dad, we're so glad to see you."

I had now been on the road over eight years. Rose was a part of my past. I remember her telling me to take care of my family. She knew I loved my sons. One day I went into the office to talk to Roy Skelton, my boss and owner of the company.

"What can I do for you Barry?" he asked.

"Mr. Skelton, my dad mentioned that Floyd Booth was retiring. I was wondering if I might be able to take over his routes."

"Well, I don't see why not. The only problem is you would have to own your own cab for that route. Mine are used for long haul only."

"Sir, I talked with Floyd and he offered to sell me his rig. I have enough for a large down payment and he said he would accept payments for the balance."

"Barry, I want to say that you have been an asset to our company. I couldn't have asked for a better driver. The route is yours; you do know it pays less than the long haul?"

"Yes Sir, I do, but it will give me more time with the family. Thank you, Mr. Skelton. I really do appreciate it."

"You've earned it Barry. Congratulations."

I headed out of his office a happy man. Maybe my life would be a bit more normal now. I told mom and dad about getting the new route. Of course dad already knew about it.

I wouldn't be away from home more than two nights a week, so I mentioned to mom that I would be finding an apartment close to their place. It was time I was out of her basement, even though I was only there a few days a month.

I called Marci and asked her if she could stop by mom's house because I had something to discuss with her. She came over after school and brought the boys with her. It was always good to see them. Since they were a little older and in school, mom didn't get to see them as often either.