Chapter 6

"Ohhh... ," Molly sighed. "I don't know if I can tell you this."

"Come on, Mom," Tim replied. "Just tell me. What happened that night when you were so horny?"

"Well, my horribly naughty desires were growing again, like I said. I started thinking about ... you. And fantasizing, a lot."

"Yea? And?"

"That night I was online with a friend and he really got me going."

"What were you doing?"

"Just chatting. But ... well, I guess it wasn't just chatting. I was chatting about what I wanted to do ... to you."

"And what happened, Mom?"

"There were times when I chatted and got so excited that I had to take care of myself, even though there was a chance one of you might catch me."

"Seriously? Wow."

"And once in a while I would get so turned on that I would tell myself that if someone, anyone walked through the door at that moment, I would jump them and pull them into bed with me."

"Did that ever happen?"

"No, of course not, Tim."

"So? What happened that night?"

"Well, that's how horny I was. I had stayed up late. I knew everyone was asleep. And I was chatting with my friend, who was supportive and encouraging no matter what naughty things I might want to talk about ... or do."

"And what did you tell him you wanted to do?"

"I said I wanted, wanted really badly, to have my son in my mouth."

"Meaning me?"

"Yes, meaning you, Tim."

"So you wanted to..."

"I wanted to give you a blowjob. Clear enough?"

"Yea, I gotcha, Mom."

"I don't know what came over me. But for at least a few weeks, maybe a month before, that thought just wouldn't leave me alone. I was so hot ... and I felt soooo guilty."

"I had no idea."

"Of course you didn't. You were seventeen and in your own world. And I worked hard to keep my desire hidden."

"Did Dad know?"

"No way. I couldn't open up that can of worms again."

"So? What happened, Mom?"

"Well, that night I just couldn't get to sleep. I was ... over-the-top horny. I lay in bed touching myself, which I did a lot. But I just couldn't make it go away. So some time after midnight, when I felt sure no one would be waking up, I got out of bed, put my robe on, and went to your room."

"You did? You really came in my room?"

"I did. Your door was open a little, so I listened to make sure you were asleep, then I went inside and closed the door behind me."

"What were you going to do?"

"Tim, are sure you want me to tell you this?"

"Are you kidding? Don't you dare stop."

"Yeesh. O.K. Well, I had convinced myself that there was no way to stop my desire, other than to follow-through with it. So, I figured I would have to take the risk. I went into your room planning to ... pull back the covers ... and ... wake you up by sucking you. I hoped that rather than freak out and scream or something, that you'd at least go along and let me do it."

"I can't believe it, Mom. I can't believe you were gonna do that."

"Well, that's your mom! Disgusting, right?"

"Stop it, Mom. I don't think that at all. Go on. What happened?"

"Well, obviously I didn't go through with it. I stood there for a long time, just watching you and listening to you sleep. I swear, it felt like my body was on fire. I'm so embarrassed, Tim."

"It's O.K., Mom. Seriously, I'm fine. I love you and I understand."

"You're too sweet, Honey." Molly took a deep breath, then continued. "I tried to move toward your bed. But I ... I just couldn't. I'd take a step, then step back. I must have done that for another five minutes. I wanted to so badly. But over and over I kept telling myself how wrong it was to even think about doing that, how it would be devastating to you and to my family. But I felt so deeply that I was going to lose my mind with my horrible desire. I decided I was going to do it. I opened my robe and dropped it to the floor."

"What were you wearing underneath." Molly took another breath, then let out a huge sigh.

"Nothing. I was standing in my son's room totally naked. Every part of me was tingling. It was the most forbidden, erotic thing I had ever experienced. I moved toward your bed again. I stopped and ran my hands over my body. I was surprised at how good it felt, I guess because I was so incredibly aroused. So I kept doing it. Then I started, you know, pinching my nipples and rubbing between my legs. And, well, it was like, electric. I've never felt so sensitive to the touch of my own hands. Am I grossing you out yet?"

"Mom," Tim replied warmly, "there's not a chance of that. Seriously ... please go on." Feeling a bit relieved, Molly continued.

"Thanks, Sweetheart. So, it just felt really, really good. Kind of like my 'horny hangover' this morning." Tim smiled at the thought. "Once I started, I knew there was no stopping. I really wanted to dive into your bed, but in the end, I just couldn't. But the next best thing seemed to get myself off right there. So that's what I did. I diddled myself until I had a huge orgasm. It was all I could do not to scream out."

"That's amazing, Mom. Did you just get your robe and leave then?"

"No. I stood there breathing heavily for a couple of minutes, letting myself calm down. I was very wet ... it was running down my legs a little. I was afraid I was gonna leave a mark on your carpet. When I felt down there to see how wet I really was, I got excited all over again. I knew I should get the hell out of there, but I didn't. I did myself again. Before I climaxed the second time I thought you were going to wake up and it scared the shit out of me."

"Really?"

"Yes. You tossed for a few seconds and turned over. You were mumbling something. I thought for a second that you were looking at me, but then you just put your head back into your pillow facing the other way."

"If I saw you, I have no recollection whatsoever, Mom."

"That's good. I was so afraid at that point. I can't recall any time in my life when I wanted something so much and feared it so much at the same time."

"What happened then?"

"After the second time, I let myself calm down again. I was really dripping by then. I had the thought about staining your carpet again and for some reason that time it snapped me back into reality. It was like I came out of some kind of frenzy, which I guess I had. All of a sudden the waves of guilt swept over me. I grabbed my robe and wiped myself with it, put it on and left as quickly and quietly as I could. I took a shower and climbed back into bed. I think I probably cried myself to sleep."

"Oh, Mom. I feel so badly for you. Why were you so upset?"

"For the same reason I've been upset today, Tim!" Molly exclaimed. "Do I need to remind you that I'm your mother?"

"No, you don't, Mom."

"I was masturbating naked in my teenage son's room. Don't you think that should make a person feel guilty?"

"I don't know, Mom. I've never been very caught up in guilt, you know? I mean, you did it, but it didn't hurt anyone."

"Tim ... are you ... don't you..." Molly felt at a loss for words.

"Mom, give yourself a break, O.K.? I do understand that you felt badly about it. More so back then than now, though. We're consenting adults. We got caught up on a weird circumstance and we both went with it. What's so bad about that?"

"You are really something, you know that? Not only are we as closely blood-related as could be, but we're both married. And, what we did this morning is something lots of married couples don't even do!"

"But you asked me to do it. You practically begged me."

"It's not that I didn't like it! I loved it! But what matters is that I don't want to wreck your marriage, Tim! I care about you and Nina!"

"I know that, Mom. I know you do. I don't want to do anything to harm your marriage to Dad, either ... obviously ... or my own marriage. But..."

"But what?"

"Well, I don't know, Mom. I can't deny that I feel badly. But it's more because I lied to Nina than because of what you and I did. I don't want to jeopardize my marriage. But I have such a huge, empty hole inside me. And being with you filled it up! Nina loves me, but she just doesn't want me ... the way you did. I want her so badly. I'm crazy about her. But that just doesn't have an affect on her. Mom, I'm ... I'm wondering if rather than hurting my marriage, being with you like that might save my marriage. And from what you told me, it might save yours too." Tim's words hung in the air.

"What on earth are you saying, Tim?"

"I'm really not sure, Mom. I think ... I don't know..."

"Really, Tim. Tell me. What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that..." Tim stood up. "Mom, would you please stand over there by the door and turn your back for a minute?"

"I ... what? Why do you want me to do that?"

"Please, Mom. Just do it, O.K. Just for a minute."

"I have no idea what you're up to."

"That's the idea, Mom. Please?"

Molly could not imagine what Tim had in mind, especially at such a critical point in their conversation. But she trusted her son totally, so she obliged his request. She crossed the room and stood by the door, facing the wall just as he had asked her to.

"Anything I'm supposed to be doing over here?" Molly asked without turning around.

"Nope. Just give me a minute. Well, actually there is something you can do."

"What's that, Tim?"

"Think about that night ten years ago ... the night you just told me about. The first part. Think about how you felt and what you wanted so badly to do."

"Tim..."

"Just do it, O.K., Mom?"

Once again, Molly did as Tim asked. She could hear rustling behind her, then what sounded like the slight squeak made by someone slipping into bed. But she couldn't be sure. She tried to focus on what Tim told her to ... how she felt that night. Molly thought of her sense of anticipation, of the thrill of doing something truly dangerous. She thought of her overwhelming desire, of how desperately she wanted to...

"O.K., Mom," Tim spoke, interrupting Molly's train of thought, "please turn off the light then come over here."

Molly did as Tim requested. The main light in the room was controlled by a switch by the door. Molly flipped it downward, making the room mostly dark almost immediately. When she turned around she realized that a bit of the remaining daylight was sneaking through the cracks in the heavy curtains on the windows. She took a few moments for her eyes to adjust, then she walked toward the bed, where by now she figured Tim had gone.

"Tim," Molly said as she got closer, "what are you up to? I don't think I can just jump right into ... you know? I don't think that's the right thing to do. We have something very serious to figure out here."

"Forget that, Mom," Tim replied.

As Molly neared the bed and her eyes adjusted more, she could see that Tim was in bed as she had suspected. There was pile on the floor that appeared to be his clothes.

"Tim, really..."

"Mom, listen to me," Tim said over his shoulder. Molly saw that he was facing away from her. "I can't believe what you just told me, Mom. I ... I really can't. There's no way for me to describe how it made me feel. I don't know what we're going to do, or what we should do. But I know what I want more than anything right now. I want it to be ten years ago. I want you to have a chance to follow through on what you wanted to do that night and I want to have a chance to experience it too."