Chapter 5

Several hours had passed since Tim left Molly and returned to the hotel lobby. He went directly to his new room, which was ready as he had expected. Even though Tim had showered once already that morning, when he got into his room he immediately stripped for the calming waters again. When he emerged, Tim felt more tired than refreshed. More than anything, he wanted to climb into his fresh bed and sleep for a long time, in hopes that life would make sense again when he awoke. But, he knew there was something he needed to take care of first. Tim checked his watch before retrieving his cell phone and entering his home number. He had to talk to Nina.

When Tim did awaken from the nap he was eventually able to take, he was surprised to find that half the day had gone by. His very next thought was to wonder how Molly was feeling. Had she opted for sleep as well? More than anything, Tim was concerned about her state of mind. His mother had been clearly upset when he left her room. There were plenty of reasons her emotions would be turned upside down, but Tim's genuine care for her made him worry that their indiscretion might have longer term emotional effects on her.

Tim's train of thought was broken by the phone in his room ringing. Hoping it was Molly, he answered by the end of the first ring. It was his newly married aunt, inviting him and Molly to have an early dinner with her and her new husband before they began their actual honeymoon tour of the islands and everyone else returned home. She said she had tried to reach Molly in her room and got no answer, nor was she able to get her by cell phone. Tim promised to check-in with his mother and to call his aunt back shortly to let her know about dinner. He called Molly's room and he also got no answer. Assuming he knew what his mother's answer would be, Tim called his aunt back and told her Molly wasn't feeling well and that she was sorry, but she would have to miss dinner. Tim declined for himself as well, secretly imaging the torture of light-hearted conversation with the newlyweds while all the while thinking about what had happened with him and his mother. Instead, he then wished his aunt and her new husband a wonderful honeymoon and promised that his mother would love to catch-up as soon as the couple returned home.

As he contemplated his next move, Tim tried to piece together the events of the previous twenty-four hours. Just one night before he was was at his aunt's wedding reception, watching his mother have a grand time, drinking too much and being pursued by man after man wanting a dance and a bit of her attention. When they had gotten back to the hotel, he was unable to return to his room and Molly insisted that he come to hers instead of waiting for what could have been hours in the hotel lobby.

Tim wondered if what had happened next could possibly be reality. Did he actually go to sleep in his mother's bed and wake up on top of her? Did they really make love? Did they wake up and engage in sex again? Was it possible this was actually a dream? While Tim wished the last thought was true, he knew full well that his feet were planted in the real world, regardless of how bizarre that world seemed at the moment. After getting dressed, Tim knew he had to check again and make sure his mother was reallyO.K.

On the way to Molly's room, Tim decided to cut through the restaurant and bar area, where to his surprise he saw his mother sitting at a fairly secluded table. He was quite surprised to see that not only did she not look sullen, as he had expected, but that she was not alone. A man not much older than Tim was sitting with Molly. He was clearly trying to score some points with her in hopes that their time together could be prolonged. The man was annoyed at Tim's interruption. But when Tim told the hopeful man that the woman he was trying to pick-up was married, nearly twice his age, had grandchildren at home and was staying at the hotel with her son, he got the hint and lift without incident.

Tim gathered Molly and the drink she was nursing and took both back to her room, which had been by then made-up by the housekeeping staff. Molly sat on the edge of the bed and Tim in a chair.

"You ruin all my fun," Molly began.

"Mom ... give me a break," Tim retorted. "What on earth were you doing with that guy?"

"Just looking for a way to forget what a shit I am. Clearly I can still make men in their twenties stand at attention. So I figured, 'what the fuck?'"

"Nice. Look, Mom ... seriously now ... how are you feeling?"

Molly hung her head, shook it slowly from side-to-side, then sighed.

"Like I said. I'm a shit."

"Come on, Mom. Oh, by the way ... your newlywed sister called to invite us to dinner before they leave for the honeymoon. She couldn't reach you and neither could I, but I politely declined. I didn't think you'd be up for that."

"Thank you. You're quite right about that." Molly paused. "How am I feeling? I don't know what I can say, Tim. I had sex with my son, twice. Then I called my husband and lied to him." The last statement seemed to resonate with her son.

"Mmm-hm," Tim murmured. "I did the same. I don't lie to Nina very often. It didn't feel good."

"Right on." Molly lifted her head and looked Tim in the eyes. "Can we just forget this ever happened, Tim? Can we just go on ... you go back to your room, I spend the night in mine and tomorrow we go home with no one the wiser?"

"Mom, can you do that? I don't know that I'm able to."

"Don't you think we have to? I mean, what the hell are we doing? We can't let this go on!"

"I guess not, Mom. But I guess I don't really understand why this upset you so much."

"Tim ... this morning we did something that most married couples don't do."

"What? Talk?" Tim smiled, hoping to lighten Molly's mood.

"Very funny. In case you forgot, you fucked me in the ass."

"You begged me to! And by the way, Mom. I liked hearing you say that."

"I know I begged you! It's not that I didn't want you to! I wanted you to sooooo badly! I haven't wanted it that much since..." Molly stopped abruptly stopped speaking.

"Tim, remember when you asked me if I had ever thought about this ... about you before?"

"Yea. What about it?"

"There's something I haven't told you, Honey. When I said that, I wasn't really being honest."

"What do you mean, Mom?"

It's not true that I've never thought about this before ... about you. About ten or eleven years ago, when you were somewhere between sixteen and seventeen, something happened."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, basically what happened was that, out of my sexual frustration, I decided to write down some of my fantasies ... like, as stories? And I posted them online."

"Uh-huh."

"Your father knew I did things like that. And he didn't care. He still doesn't. But for some reason back then, he went online and found my stories and my emails."

"Were you having an affair or something?"

"No, no. I just had some friends online that I chatted with about things ... sexual things. Anyway, I had written a story about ... ohhh, how do I say this?" Molly sighed.

"It's O.K., Mom. Just say it."

"Well, I wrote a story about a mother and her adult son, having an affair. And I posted some other fantasies about things like that. Including about a mother having desires for her teenage son."

"Are you serious? You put that on the Internet?"

"Yes. And ... I don't want to go into a lot of details about that right now. But, your father found all that and he read what I had written."

"Wow. Was he mad?"

"On the contrary. It really turned him on."

"It did? You're kidding!"

"I know. It shocked the hell out of me. My uninterested husband was all of a sudden a really horny guy."

"Well, then that was good, right? Wasn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, and no. I had wanted him to be more interested, of course ... for years. But it took me totally by surprise coming about the way it did. And the other thing was..."

"What, Mom?"

"Your father really, really liked what I was writing about. For some reason, he loved the idea of a mother getting turned on by her teenage son. He couldn't stop talking about it, wanting to play out the fantasy. At first I loved it. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I did."

"What's to be ashamed about? It was a fantasy ... and it made things better. So what?"

"Honey, the thing is, it didn't really stay a fantasy."

"What do you mean?"

"It wasn't long before Dad asked me if ... oh man..."

"Don't worry, Mom. Go on."

"O.K. He asked me if I had ever thought about you like that ... if that was why I had written what I did."

"Oh." Tim paused. "Uh ... what did you tell him?"

"Tim, I don't think I can ... I ... I really don't think I can tell you. I've never told anyone."

"Well, it's up to you, Mom. But so far you're not scaring me away or anything. I'm totally fine with everything you've told me."

"I'm afraid there's something I never even told your father that just might make you hate me."

"You decide, Mom. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'm fine if you do. And I don't think anything's gonna make me hate you." Tim rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

"I must be an idiot, but ... O.K. Here goes. When you were a few years younger, probably fourteen, maybe even thirteen, I did something terrible." Tim kept his gaze on Molly but didn't seem anxious about what she might say, which helped to calm her racing heart. "Remember how you used to watch TV with me on the old couch we used to have?"

"Sure. We did it all the time. Amber and I both did that a lot with both you and Dad at different times. We'd always fall asleep. And when we were little you'd carry us to bed and when we got bigger you either led us to bed or you left us there covered with a blanket."

"Right. And half the time we would fall asleep with you. Well, one night when you were thirteen or fourteen, you were on the couch with me, and we both fell asleep. I have no idea what we were watching, but it doesn't really matter. It was something on cable."

"How do you remember that it was something on cable, Mom?"

"I remember that because when I woke up, that show had ended and there was another show on."

"Yea? So what?"

"I don't know if they still do this, but that particular cable channel showed family programming until ten o'clock or so. And after that they would sometimes show more adult oriented things."

"So, when you woke up..."

"When I woke up, there were strippers on the TV."

"Ha! That's funny," Tim chuckled. "Why didn't I wake up? Damn it!"

"Yes, really funny. I guess I did think it was funny at first. I was also a little shocked. And I wouldn't have cared that much if you saw the show, but I didn't think I wanted to actually watch something like that with my teenager. But I felt sure you were asleep. So rather than changing the channel or turning off the TV, I kept watching."

"O.K. Then what?"

"Well, like I said, my sexual frustration was going on for a long time. So I was is in my usual state of being on the edge of horniness, despite the fact that my child was asleep next to me. You nearly had your head in my lap, in fact. Anyway, I kept watching. And, as I should have known I would, I did in fact get turned on."

"Was it male strippers, or female?"

"Female."

"And that turned you on?"

"Uhhh ... yep."

"Really? Watching girls turned you on?"

"Yes Honey, well ... lots of things turned me on and still do, girls included. But that's not something we need to go into now. So, here I was, watching naked women gyrate on TV, getting horny, with my teenage son next to me."

"So what did you do?"

"I got myself off."

"Seriously? You mean, when you went to bed, or right there?"

"Right there. I lifted my leg onto the arm of the sofa, slid my hand into my pajamas and started diddling. With you next to me."

"Wow, Mom." Tim paused again to consider what his mother had just told him.

"Pretty sick, huh?"

"I ... I don't know. I don't necessarily think it's the worst thing in the world."

"How about this, then? I touched you with my other hand."