"It's murder! It's a sin! It's murder! It's a sin!"
The protesters all chanted to the woman who nervously tried to pass them by. Her blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail and her eyes were swollen from crying so much. She tried her hardest to push against them but they were vicious. They blocked her and yelled at her. They flashed her images of an unborn fetus and screamed at her as she fought to get inside what they called "the murder clinic".
They didn't care how alone or scared the girl felt. They wanted to bash her head against the wall for considering killing a living creature that was growing inside of her. No one even wondered what her excuse was. Was she poor? Was she not ready to be a mother? Did the baby's daddy walk out on her? What was her genius excuse?
Why couldn't she have excused herself from having sex? She could have kept her legs closed and she wouldn't be in this situation. Rape? Maybe she did get raped, there is always adoption! It's never a child's fault! It's the fault of the adults and the sins they commit to conceive the child, right?
Sound selfish? MAYBE. Do they care what you think? NO. When you believe in something so strongly, you stand up for it. You fight for it. You do anything to change people's minds so they too can believe.
The protesters were good people. They were churchgoers, community helpers, and all around good citizens. They took time out of their busy schedules to protest "the murder clinics" all over town. Someone would go on Mondays. Some on Tuesdays, and so on. They did take Sundays off to go to church and let God know about the good deeds they had accomplished that week. They were decent people, just trying to better this world.
When I first met her, she seemed so perfect. I could hear her humming a lovely melody that morning. She was beaming with pride. She seemed to have it all together. She was confident, happy.
I knew she was beaming. She'd met a handsome man a week before. He'd charmed her with his witty jokes and dashing face. He was kind, sweet, made a decent living but very married. He forgot to mention that to her, or maybe he didn't forget. Maybe he just didn't want to.
In all of her 28 years, she'd never met someone like him. She though the idea of love at first sight was ridiculous! Now, she'd changed her mind. Now, whenever she saw him, she couldn't help but smile and blush.
She fell in love the moment she saw him. She discovered he was married the day after she met him. She told herself not to let temptation get the best of her. As she talked to him more and got to know him, she couldn't help but fall deeper in love.
It was only four days after they'd met, that she ended up sleeping with him. She gave herself to him. Let him discover every part of her naked body and explore her taste. She loved how he'd kiss her, slowly and gently. He was the best lover she'd ever had. Not that she'd had many. She'd only been with two men in her entire life.
The first man was in college. She was a sophomore and he was a junior. They met through a mutual friend at a frat party. She went out with him for six months before she let him bed her. They stayed together for two years then broke up once he got he left for medical school.
The second man was someone she met at a coffee shop one Saturday afternoon. She was busy reading a Mary Gaitskill novel when he sat in the table next to her. She glanced over and noticed he was smiling at her. They began talking and exchanged phone number. She dated him for two months before they went to bed. They had loving one year relationship but that ended when she caught him picking up another woman at the same coffee shop.
After having her heart broken, she decided to stay away from any love relationship. She kept to herself and decided to join a church. Growing up, she had never been religious. She believed in God but never really went to church or somewhere to worship Him.
Being alone and needing to make friends, she thought going to a church would be a good idea. She quickly made friends with several women at the church. These were happy southern women who loved to cook and bake. They all loved God and went to church at least two times a week.
These women befriended her quickly. They made her feel welcomed and appreciated. She felt loved and secure. For the first time in her life she had friends. The men at the church were nice too. They were mostly family men who believed in marrying only once and never cheating on their wives. These men loved their children and had decent jobs like carpenters, plumbers or car mechanics. They were kind and gentle with women the kind of men that always opened a door for a lady.
She made many women friends. These women taught her how to bake and cook. They let her join in their monthly book clubs. They welcomed her but at the same time imbedded some of their own morals into her. She didn't want to at first, but she didn't want to lose these women's friendships. They had urged her to join them once a week protesting in front of a "murder" clinic. She always felt it was a woman's choice to decide what to do with a pregnancy, but the women told her otherwise. They said it was wrong to kill and innocent child no matter what the circumstances were. She felt good having friends so she joined them. Week after week, she'd take a day off from her library job to go protest with the women of her church.
There were a few clinics in the city they lived. It wasn't a huge city but it was big enough for three high schools, four libraries, two movie theaters and many restaurants. They took turns going from one clinic to the next and would check with the other women and men of the church to see who wanted to protest in what clinic.
She saw how they attacked many young women and scolded them about walking in there. A few of the women she'd seen cried and ran back to their cars. She didn't know if they went back later when the churchgoers were gone. They probably did but she'd never know.
It seemed that joining the church was the best decision she ever made. She'd made one particular good friend who she always called Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones had a soft voice and sweet laugh. Mrs. Jones was so nice to her always calling her before bedtime to make sure she was safe and always trying to find her a "nice" young man to go out with. Mrs. Jones was her best friend these days.
As I was saying, he came into her life one day unexpectedly. He was from a big city in the north and moved down south because of his job as a restaurant manager. He had been married for five years and had a two year old daughter. She didn't know all of this of course, at first.
He came to talk to her after church service was over. She was standing outside talking to the reverend and once she was about to leave and go to her car, he stopped her. He asked if she had the time and she looked at her old Guess? watch and told him it was ten minutes past noon. He shook his head and smiled at her. She was already in love.
He'd invited her to the restaurant, which he managed the following day. He let her have a free meal. He sat and talked with her and finally told her about being married. She felt disappointed but felt like she couldn't stop talking to him. She enjoyed his company and most of all she enjoyed being in love again.
She told herself it was wrong to love a married man but temptation got her. She went to visit him a day later at the restaurant before closing time. They sat and talked having coffee and pie. She loved him even more now.
She said she was going home and he said he was going home. Instead, he followed her home and she invited him in. They kissed and touched and hugged. They stripped naked and fell into her bed. He dove into her making her forget that she vowed not to touch him. He was so deep inside of her weakening her. She let go of her good morals and let him drench her insides with his seed.
Now, here she is happy in love. She's going to see him today. They've been seeing each other almost everyday, I think. It's Saturday morning. She usually does her laundry and errands, but today is different. His wife is out of town with their daughter visiting her parents up north. She'll be gone until next weekend. He told her he had the day off. She agreed to go to his house. She'd take the city bus. He'd leave the door unlocked so she could just walk in as if they were married and be with him.
Her heart pounds as she rides in the city bus. The smog in the air doesn't bother her. The stench of some of the people doesn't bother her. The bumpy ride, the noisy chatter around her, nothing bothers her today. She's happy in love. She's desperate to be in his arms.
Once she arrives, she walks a block before getting to his house. She makes sure no one spots her and quickly runs towards the back. She puts her hand on the doorknob and sure enough it's open. She walks in and calls out his name. He appears in the kitchen wearing a white apron. He smiles sweetly at her.
"I'm making you breakfast my darling."
The smell of bacon and French toast fill the air. She laughs so softly. She wraps her arms around him. "I think I'm in love with you," she says and kisses his lips.
He laughs and his warmth leaves her body as he pulls away. "Let's not get carried away. You hardly know me." He sounds as if he's joking.
"It's true," she argues. "I am in love. Why do you think I rushed here for?"
"Hmm? I don't know, to eat?" He says teasingly.
"No!" She explodes and throws her arms around his neck. "I came here for you. I want to be with you. It's like I want to be with you all the time. I'm already addicted."
He kisses her, this time long, wet and passionate. Breakfast is completely forgotten.
They spend the night together. They spend the weekend together. After church they go back to his house and commit more sin they can later pray for forgiveness for. During the week, they had many rendezvous on their lunch breaks, and after work. By the end of the week, she's sad. She knows she has to go back to playing secret mistress.
He keeps telling her that he's not really in love with his wife and is only sticking around because of his daughter. He promises her that he'll ask her for a divorce, but not anytime soon.
She knows he mostly likely won't leave his wife, but she's hooked. He's become her secret drug addiction. He's what gets her high and leaves her feeling euphoric for days. He's all she needs. And if she has to share him, so be it.
Mrs. Jones or the other women have no idea about her relationship with him. She'd never tell Mrs. Jones because she knew Mrs. Jones and his wife were somewhat friends. She's seen Mrs. Jones talk to his wife several times after church. She just hopes Mrs. Jones doesn't ask his wife to join the book club.
She decides to start working long hours. She figures the more she stays away from him, maybe then she won't want him as much. After a ten hour shift at the library, she heads to the gym to work out. She notices she can't work out as much as she used to. She's starting to feel tired but she has no idea why. She keeps up the busy routine and decides to attend mass at a different hour just to avoid seeing him.
She wants to stop seeing him but I know she loves him so much it hurts. She wants to be near him and I want her to be near him. She's happy when she's with him. I sense her bliss when he's near her.
I know she cries a lot for him. She misses him and she's not feeling good. She figures she'll cut back on working long hours and stay away from the gym for a few days.
That doesn't seem to help. He's been calling her but she doesn't answer. He's been asking Mrs. Jones about her but even Mrs. Jones hasn't see her. She knows this because Mrs. Jones has been calling her too. Mrs. Jones seems to care so much for her as much as I do. We both just want her happy.
His voice is sad over the answering machine. He sounds as if he's been crying. I want him in her life. I feel the need for him to be around. He makes her happy, and that makes ME happy.