Chapter 3

My apartment was clean when I returned from Audrey's. There was food in the cupboards and my bed was made. There was a note with an amount on it saying to pay Glenna this much for the food. It was in Heidi's handwriting. My apartment didn't feel as empty as it had. I did as Audrey suggested and caught a nap. There were some salad fixings so I made me a salad for lunch. There were park benches in the common area in front of the buildings, so I sat out there bundled up against the cold. Some of the other tenants looked like they thought I was crazy. My head was clear when I came in and that was the point.

I worked the next day which was Friday. My boss was pretty sour at first, but I apologized and went to work. Saturday morning Glenna knocked on the door. I smiled and kissed her when she came in. "Hi Kitten, what brings you around?"

"Just to see how you are, Daddy. I was pretty worried about you the last time I saw you."

"I gave you a rough time, didn't I? I'm better, now as you can see. I was pretty attached to our old home. I was happy there, and I'll most likely never be that happy again. It got to me. I'm sorry if anything I said hurt you. I was pretty drunk."

"You were that and I know how you felt about the house. I lived there most of my life. I feel lost too. What's going to happen now? You still have a couple of days to take Mom back."

"No, I'm going to let the divorce go through. I loved your mother with all my heart. She showed me it wasn't enough. Maybe I can find someone with total love that is enough to keep us both happy. You could tell your mother how much I appreciate her coming in and cleaning up. She won't have to do it again. I also owe her some money for food. I'll give it to you before you leave. How is she anyway?"

"She isn't in quite as bad shape as you were, but you said some things to her to let her know how much she hurt you. I'm taking your side on that. She did do a despicable thing to you--me too for that matter. She has a big case of the guilts right now, and she doesn't dare look to me for sympathy."

"Don't be too harsh on her. Time will ease the pain. I have to believe that or there is no point in living. Guess what? I joined a gym yesterday afternoon. I went this morning. I'm afraid of getting out of shape. If I'm going to be out dating hot women I need to look my best. I bought a slow cooker too. I'm going to learn how to cook. They say dumb blondes don't know how to cook and I plan on having a bunch of dumb blondes around me from now on."

"You aren't over Mom already, are you?" I couldn't keep the tears from my eyes or hide them from Glenna and could only shake my head no.

My mother and father didn't talk about Heidi much over Christmas and it was pretty quiet. I think they missed Glenna. Heidi too, for they had loved her as well. Glenna did call in the afternoon, which helped a little.

I didn't jump right into dating, but I did have plenty of chances to get laid if I wanted to when people I knew found out I was single.

The last day of the year, I ran into Heidi in the grocery store while I was looking for a bottle of wine. She asked, "Are you going out tonight?"

"No, are you?"

"No. Miles, would you like to watch the New Year come in with me? Just as a friend and with no benefits."

"Sure, your place or mine?"

She smiled. "You have the television. I meant we could go out to a bar or someplace like that."

"If you felt safe, we really could watch it at my place. I'm cooking chili and I would respect the no benefits restriction. It would be a way of thanking you for cleaning up my mess a couple of weeks ago. Besides you always bought the wine and I need someone to pick out what kind will go with chili."

Heidi went up and down the wine aisle, finally picking a bottle off the shelf. "This should do it. Do you want one or two? A spare is always good for company if they should drop by."

I picked up some snacks and we went over to my apartment. Heidi looked around. I hadn't expected company and she was curious to see what kind of housekeeper I was. "Some different, not a beer can in sight. The place is spotless. Did you have someone in to clean?"

"No, just me." I didn't elaborate. I watched Heidi as she walked around checking the chili. I wished now that I hadn't invited her. I wanted to touch her and hold her. Then I had a flashback to the tape that I had of her and her lover. This made me so angry I went into the other room. When she realized I had left the kitchen she came in and stood in the doorway.

I looked up at her. "Heidi, I think you better leave. I'm sorry, but my feelings for you are too intense. Right at the minute I don't know if I love you or hate you. Take some of the chili and a bottle of wine. At least your trip over here won't be a total loss."

"Okay Miles, call me sometime. You know we have never talked about my affair. We should. I'd like to get beyond the guilt I feel. I fucked your life up and I know I fucked up my own. In other words I fucked our lives up. We won't ever be able to salvage anything until we get it out in the open. That is the only reason I agreed to come here with you tonight. You are right, it is too soon. I will take the chili and the wine. I will also take a New Year's kiss from you as I leave."

There was passion in the kiss and regret when the door closed on the woman that was my ex-wife. Somehow I knew that I was going to survive though. I didn't even open the wine that night. It was bought to share with Heidi and I would save it until we did. I couldn't determine in my mind when or where it would be, but I felt when we did drink it, I would be free of some of the pain I felt at the moment.

The first day of the New Year at work, I was called into the office. "Miles, I understand you are recently divorced. How would you like to become a troubleshooter for the company? You certainly are competent. We never offered it to you before because being on the road isn't conducive to a stable home life. It would require a commitment of at least two years."

I jumped at the chance. The money was better and the hours were terrible, but it took my mind off my personal life. When I found I was to be back in town on Valentines Day, I sent flowers to Glenna. I also thought about sending Heidi some roses, but decided on Audrey instead. I followed it up with a phone call and a request for a date. "Thank you for the flowers Miles, but you are too late. I have a date. However, I have a friend that is free and would like to go out. Would you accept a blind date? I'll even make reservations at the same club."

"Sure, I'd love that. I'm in town this week and would like to see you. I think about you a lot. You know, I think back to what you said the morning you made me breakfast. I see some strange things in my travels and a lot of that applies. Depends on the person, I guess."

"How are you doing? Have you got over Heidi yet?"

"I'm doing fine. As for Heidi, I try not to think about her. She wants to sit down and talk about her affair and I will someday, but not just yet. Hurts too much. So how are you doing? You know, of all the people I am acquainted with, I count you as my closest friend. Woman friend, anyway. Patrick is my other friend."

"Who is Patrick? I never heard you speak of him."

"He is someone I went to school with. He was injured and is off the police force. He is a private detective now and has his own firm. He is a great guy and you would like him. I will have to introduce you sometime. He is the PI that bugged the motel room when I got the evidence on Heidi. At times I wish I had never done that. It is hell to see your wife with another man."

"I didn't know you did that or that you had a tape of her."

"I'm just getting able to talk about it. How are the rest of my old neighbors? How is Mitzy? I think I would meet her criteria for someone to date, now that I'm single."

"She is fine. If you are dating now, she might go out with you."

"What do you mean, if I'm dating? I just called you for a date didn't I?"

"Yes, but I thought that was as a friend, not for a date, date."

"For you there is no difference. I was asking for a date."

"Well ask again later and I'll go out with you. I'll see you on Valentines Day and am looking forward to it."

I next called Glenna. "Oh Daddy, the roses are beautiful. Thank you. Where have you been? I know you said you had a new job, but you are never home. Why didn't you tell Mom where you have been? She was worried about you. You know she cried all New Year's day, don't you?"

"I guess I'm sorry about that, but not much. I didn't tell her I am out of town a lot. Look, I'm trying to get over your mother. If I keep in close contact with her, I never will."

"So have you got over her?"

"You know the answer to that, so stop asking. How are your studies going? You know I can afford to send you to college now that I have a better job."

"Not interested. Save your money. Who knows, you might want to buy a new house sometime. That place where you live is terrible. Even my little place is better than the apartments you and Mom live in. She can't wait for her lease to end and she is getting out."

"I guess I will stay here. I'm never home anymore, anyway. Say, how about me making dinner for you tomorrow night? I'd ask you for the day after, but I have a date."

"Anyone I know?"

"I don't think so. In fact I don't know who it is either. It's a blind date."

"Daddy, what if she is a dog?"

"Sweetheart, you know me."

"That's the trouble with you, Dad. Even if she is a dog, you'll treat her like a queen and send her home happy. If you had slapped Mom around when she needed it, you might still be with her. You are just too nice a person, but I love you the way you are."

I wondered how my daughter would like my cooking. I had to laugh at myself. I had been in a book shop looking for something to read and had accidentally picked up a cookbook. I was eating in diners and restaurants and longed for home cooking. No woman present, I tried things on my own. Tonight I was making a casserole for Glenna. Noodles and shrimp. To bolster this I had pan fried tilapia fish strips. I bought hard bread and made garlic bread out of it. The oven was so small in the apartment stove, I had to cut the bread into shorter pieces to warm. Again I missed Heidi to pick out a wine, so I just grabbed a bottle of native rose.

Dessert was a key-lime pie which brought the comment from my daughter, "You bring a woman in here and feed her like this, you will never get rid of her."

"You're saying the meal was okay, right?"

Glenna was grinning from ear to ear. "Right. Dad, more and more I'm thinking Mom was so foolish. I'm glad you are my father. You go sit and I'll do the dishes and then you can tell me about what you have been doing."

I explained to Glenna how I loved my job. Everyday I had a problem to solve. At first, the nights away from home were a little difficult, but I didn't feel as if I really had a home anymore, anyway. I found a hobby which I enjoyed pursuing which made my evenings pass until bedtime. I was sleeping like a baby now I'll have you know.

"And what is the hobby?"

"I watch and observe people. Women mostly. I never was curious about women before when I lived with your mother. Even you, I felt I knew everything about you. Audrey got me started on this in a way. She made the comment one time that there is a slut buried in every woman. So now I can sit in a lounge of an evening and watch a woman, especially if she comes in alone. I wonder if the right person comes along, can he bring out the slut in her.